The New #1 Rule of Selling: It's Not the Buy that Matters. It's the Buy In.

It happened at the AA-ISP Unite Conference in Las Vegas earlier this month. I'm throwing "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" out the window because this is simply too good to keep to myself.

It was on Day Two of the conference, mid-morning. I attended a breakout session offered by Jeffrey Lipsius, author of Selling to the Point. I'd read, reviewed and appreciated this book. I'd interviewed and admired and met this author. I'd observed how like-minded we were in our approach to selling. But I'd missed the most important thing he's been saying all along.

It registered in that breakout session. And it's been haunting me ever since, demanding deeper thought and a re-calibration of "Deb's Rules of Selling." (Those who follow me already know that, heretofore, Rule #1 has been "Effort = Opportunity.")

The new #1 Rule of Selling comes from Jeffrey Lipsius. It's backed by my own research with buyers in DISCOVER Questions® Get You Connected and, more recently, in the B2B buyer study for Stop Selling & Start Leading. It's simple and profound and essential. It is so obvious that I, for one, have glossed over it and failed to keep it front and center.

The new #1 Rule of Selling is this:

It's Not the Buy that Matters Most... It's the Buy In.

Let me break it down. I'm borrowing quite liberally from Selling to the Point and sprinkling in some of my own observations from field coaching with sellers and from researching buyer responses. You'll want to read the full book by Jeffrey Lipsius to integrate these ideas. It's written in a parable format that's interesting and engaging while also being informative.

Your Buyers Internal Thoughts Make or Break the Sale

How many times have you lost a sale without really knowing why? The logical case you made seemed so clear and compelling. It's practically unfathomable that the buyer would say "no" to what you offered.

Over lunch on Day One of that conference and again in the Day Two session, Jeffrey explained this to me. It finally sunk in. There are two separate conversations going on when you sell.

The first is between you and the buyer. It's external. It's what we, as sellers, focus on and work hard to steer in a favorable direction. It's where we do all of our presenting and persuading.

The second conversation is the one that really counts, and we're not spending enough time and attention on it. The second conversation happens inside the buyer's mind. It's where the buyer's past experiences, perceptions, fears, doubts and hopes take charge. This internal conversation can drown out what's being externally discussed.

This is why purposeful questions matter so much. We need to get those internal conversations out in the open in order to understand our buyers and help them. Buyers interviewed in the 20+ years of research that went into DISCOVER Questions® Get You Connected confirm that questions that give them clarity create real value.

You Want Your Buyers to become Advocates for You

Will the work you've done to convince a buyer hold up to others' questions and push back? According to the CEB, the average B2B sales involves 6.7 decision makers. Most sellers don't get the chance to meet with all of them. Therefore, your primary contact needs to be a strong advocate. That requires buy in.

In order to defend, champion and advocate for you and your product, a buyer must be committed. Internal thoughts and unspoken concerns will diminish that commitment, especially if they're magnified by others' scrutiny.

What's more, you need advocates for the long-term. Referrals come from people who buy in, not from people who merely buy. Repeat sales happen when there is buy in.

Buy in creates advocates. Advocates help you sustain and grow your sales.

Intrinsic Motivation is More Powerful than Extrinsic Influence

You can provide lots of reasons for someone to buy your products. You can eloquently share those reasons. You can provide examples of others who saw merit in those reasons and became satisfied customers. You can heap data on top of your reasons to prove their legitimacy.

The problem is that all your talking about your reasons doesn't give the buyer ownership of those reasons.

Help your buyers discover their own reasons to buy your product and to buy in to what you're offering. This is when it becomes a "no brainer" decision, one that is so obvious, easy and natural that they buyer won't be able to say "no."

Logic doesn't make it a "no brainer" to the buyer. Their own internalization of the of the product's merits will motivate them in a way that is far more powerful. This is why it's so important to understand what the individual buyer values and why.

Your Job as a Seller is to be a Decision Coach

It all comes down to this. You job is not to sell. Sure, the outcome you're aiming for is to make a sale. But the way you get to that outcome is not by deploying old-school stereotypical sales behaviors.

Jeffrey Lipsius portrays the seller's role as that of Decision Coach. What he describes includes behaviors we more typically associate with leaders than with sellers (hence the movement to Stop Selling & Start Leading).

Being a Decision Coach or Leader involves behaviors like these:

• Asking purposeful questions that help the buyer set criteria for the decision (Rationale Questions, the "R" in DISCOVER Questions®).
• Guiding the buyer through real or perceived barriers to making the decision that will help them achieve something they value.
• Collaborating with the buyer to co-create insights and ideas that produce genuine commitment that results from building exactly what they need.
• Observing and recognizing what matters to the individual buyer.
• Conducting a dialogic vs. diagnostic needs assessment to support and dignify the buyer as he or she is forming, weighing and settling on a lasting decision.

This is proven by research with B2B buyers who report a higher likelihood of meeting with and of buying from sellers who behave in these ways more frequently.

Only the Buyer Can Talk the Buyer into Buying

It all boils down to this simple truth: Selling to modern, empowered, informed buyers requires an acknowledgement that we can't rely on the external conversation that's mostly directed at the buyer. We need to shift to draw out the buyer and to work in the space between the buyer's ears.

Questions can help. As Jeffrey Lipsius says "An intrigued state of mind gives you an optimally receptive buyer." But getting your buyer intrigued won't happen without getting your buyer personally involved and engaged.

You need buy in -- not for your product alone, but for time spent with you and for the value you create by making your buyer think. Buy in for the confidence you'll build inside your buyer by working out the barriers pinging around in that internal conversations. Buy in for the advocacy needed to reach multiple decision makers, to generate repeat business, and to get referrals.

By asking questions that guide the buyer into thinking about what they value, what they need, what barriers can be overcome, and what the potential is, you develop buy in. Asking purposeful questions can advance the sale even from the initial contact with a prospect.

Questions tap into the internal conversation. They give you information that is useful. They stimulate thinking that is helpful for your buyer. Ultimately, they create an environment where buy in is more likely.

Getting caught up in the pursuit of the sale often costs sellers the sale. To move from a focus on the buy to a focus on the buy in, be sure to read Selling to the Point. When you're ready to put these principles into action, turn to DISCOVER Questions® Get You Connected.

About the Author: Deb Calvert is a Certified Executive Coach and a Certified Master in The Leadership Challenge® community. She is the bestselling author of DISCOVER Questions® Get You Connected and an award-winning blogger. Deb helps teams, leaders and sellers connect with others in more meaningful and lasting ways. Her company, People First Productivity Solutions, builds organizational strength by putting people first. Deb is currently leading the movement to Stop Selling & Start Leading™ and she recently founded The Sales Experts Channel on BrightTALK.