Managing the Tyranny of the Shoulds

Find yourself pushing hard, possibly too hard? Maybe you:

• Forgot to eat
• Have a lingering headache
• Feel tons of pressure to do more, get it all done
• Notice other people who are effortlessly doing it all
• See the shortcomings of things rather than the opportunities

If any of those bullets resonated for you, then you are living the tyranny of the shoulds.

What is the tyranny of the shoulds?

The phrase was conceived by Karen Horney, in the 1950s. She recognized the human tendency to wrestle with the real self and the ideal self. The tyranny references the tendency humans have to beat themselves up as they notice the gap between those two selves.

The tyranny often rears its ugly head a bit more often in times of stress.

And as lovely as the holiday season may be, it is also stressful.

Here's what you can do to manage your tyranny of the shoulds:

Strategy #1: Schedule downtime

• Think about getting X done, then treating yourself to something like a hot chocolate, a bath, a walk, a chat with a friend, some escape show on TV
• Block off your calendar with something as little your first meetings being 30 minutes later than normal
• Book some time with a friend so that you have a commitment to take some downtime

Strategy #2: Write Down Three things

• Write down three things you want to get done in the morning.
• At night write down three things you accomplished.
• No comparison of the two lists. This exercise is about keeping you focused on getting things done and not about the things you should have done. 

Strategy #3: Acknowledge it

• Put words on how the tyranny of the shoulds is creeping into your world - say what you experiencing happening out loud or to a friend or colleague
• Observe it in others to have better awareness of how the tyranny of the shoulds can creep into your world

How are you going to live these three strategies? We can be each other's accountability partner. Reply to this email or send me a message and share your commitments.

My commitments are:

1. Block off time until 10am in the mornings to take a slower walk/ run
2. Make a date with my friends Brenda and Bobbi
3. Write down three things at night (I already do it in the morning)

Kerri

Kerri offers leadership development training, coaching, team development, and mastermind groups for leaders.

She is comfortable facilitating messy conversations, shifting mindsets and holding leaders accountable to shine like the North Star.

Kerri has published in peer-reviewed books and is currently working on a book capturing the inspirational stories of leaders and how they statistically measure their growth.

Check out her YouTube channel, for more leadership and communication tips.