Leading with Listening: Meeting in the Field of Understanding

Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. – Rumi

As leaders, we’ve all been in moments where we ask ourselves: do things really happen for a reason? Do we hear exactly what we need to in the moments we need it most? It’s not fate or mysticism—it’s life. And when we truly pay attention, we learn from it.

This quote from Rumi surfaced during a conversation I had a few weeks ago with the incredibly talented Thomas Swift. We found ourselves in the midst of a heated debate over a project. As engineering leaders, we both pride ourselves on our communication skills. But in that moment, I had to pause and reflect: how often am I listening to understand versus listening to respond?

It made me realize how often we come into conversations with our own agenda. But what if, as Rumi suggests, we approach every interaction from the mindset that we’re all aiming to meet in the same field? How do we get there, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of engineering and technology leadership?

Let’s go back to the basics of communication. Here are some practices I’ve found helpful to truly listen and create a space where everyone feels heard:

1. Give full attention: If you’re remote, turn on your camera and stop typing while the other person is speaking. In person, put away and shut down any distractions. Show them that what they’re about to say matters and could even change the way you think.

2. Practice active listening: In complex conversations, take the time to play back what you’ve heard. “Let me make sure I understand; you said [X], is that right?” This shows the speaker you’re not just hearing but absorbing their perspective.

3. Seek clarity: Ask follow-up questions if something isn’t clear. Remember, the goal is to understand, not just wait for your turn to speak.

4. Bring empathy to the table: When it’s your time to share, do so with empathy and respect. Often, issues arise from misunderstandings, lack of process, or gaps in communication. Use these moments as learning opportunities for everyone involved.

5. Pause before responding: If someone seeks your advice, you don’t need to provide an immediate answer. Take a breath and think through your response. It’s okay to process before you speak—thoughtful communication is more impactful than fast answers.

6. Rephrase with care: If your initial response doesn’t quite land, don’t be afraid to pause and say, “Let me rephrase this to better express my intention.” It’s not just about being right—it’s about being understood.

Next time we find ourselves in a debate, my friends, let’s remember: there’s a field out there, beyond the need to win or prove a point. And I’ll meet you there.