Know Your Value With MSNBC's 'Morning Joe' Co-Host Mika Brzezinski

One of my favorite expressions is confidence is beautiful. It’s not what you look like on the outside, it’s how you feel on the inside. My mother taught me if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. I’ve met thousands of women in business who think that talking about money and power are taboo topics, and they don’t negotiate for what they deserve because they don’t understand their value.

Mika Brzezinski, MSNBC Morning Joe co-host and author of the soon-to-be released revised edition of Know Your Value, is on a mission to help women know their worth—and claim it. Her book-turned-movement is giving women across the country the support, knowledge and tools they need to successfully advocate for themselves. Here is an unplugged Q&A with Brzezinski about negotiating from a place of power, communicating effectively and why feminine traits are starting to get the recognition they deserve.

Shelley Zalis: What does knowing your value mean to you?

Mika Brzezinski: Everything. It’s the beginning of living a robust, completely transparent, comfortable, happy and productive life. It’s something that doesn’t get ingrained in female children as it does with males. We’re trying to break through in many arenas today, such as pay equity, affordable healthcare, #MeToo. We need to know our overall value from the get-go in order to be successful.

Zalis: There’s no better lessons than from real-life experiences. What motivated you to share your story, and why do you think sharing our personal stories is so important?

Brzezinski: I shared my journey because I was stunned at how long it took to really understand my own value. I have tremendous opportunities in my life. I come from highly-educated and successful parents, I was given the opportunity to have some of the best education this country can offer—and I was a complete failure in this area. I felt if I was a failure, there must be other women out there feeling the same way.

I interviewed some of the most successful women in the world who felt similar, and they were successful despite feeling this way. I hear stories every day of women telling me how they found the confidence to ask for a raise or a promotion or other opportunity after reading the book. Know Your Value started with my story, which I soon realized was universal.

Zalis: Research shows that women may be less likely than men to ask for a raise. Why do you think women don’t ask for what they deserve?

Brzezinski: It’s weird. Half of me is kind of astounded by it. But when Morning Joe took off, I missed the moment [to ask for what I was worth]. We think we’re there by luck or chance. We think we need to work harder. It’s not how men think. We often don’t have the confidence or sense of our value. If we knew our value, we would jump on opportunities. Instead, we don’t even ask. We get embarrassed about it and blush. It’s crazy in this day and age when a lot of us are breadwinners and we still leave money on the table. I want to change the equation around that.

Zalis: How can women negotiate from a place of power?

Brzezinski: By bringing documentation, keeping a record of your value, and having people who will stand up for you—but not relying on others to speak up for you. You are your own best advocate.

There is a lot that is frustrating about how women are compensated and that may be out of our control. However, the part that we can control is being able to communicate effectively.

Zalis: Any other tips for asking for what you deserve?

Brzezinski: It’s even more important for a woman to ask for what she is worth versus what she deserves, because many of us don’t think we deserve it. So think about what you are worth. You need to think big. Look at the market rate for your position, and ask for double. That’s part of negotiating.

Put yourself in situations that are uncomfortable so you can feel the burn and get used to it. This will help you get better at going for it and dealing with that uncomfortableness when you’re at the negotiating table.

Zalis: I don’t believe work and life are separate. I say, you have one life with many dimensions, including family and work. How does knowing your value apply as much to your personal brand as your professional brand?

Brzezinski: For decades those two things were at odds. One thing came despite the other or at the sacrifice of the other. I think we should consider everything to be equally important and make no bones about it.

As women have burst into the professional scene, we have felt guilty about [our home and family responsibilities] when asking for raises or bonuses or other opportunities. It is the most backward way of looking at it, because being able to bring the most money home helps you, your family and your future. We have to turn it around in terms of feeling guilty about certain issues. When you start treating everything in your life as equally important, it gives you the freedom to start speaking effectively.

Zalis: What do you think are the biggest reasons for the wage gap?

Brzezinski: The reasons are diverse and deep in our society and our culture. At the rate in which women are entering the workforce, things will change because women won’t put up with it. Women have been treated as second-class citizens for much of our history, and now history is catching up with us.

Traditionally, women’s traits have been seen as less valuable than men’s, but this is also changing…Now we are seeing the value of diversity and equality.

So what don’t we get? If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. The worst that will happen is you’ll get a no. The best that will happen is you’ll get a yes. Own your voice, believe in yourself and remember, confidence is beautiful.

This article was originally published on FORBES.