The keynote I didn't deliver

In September I was invited to give the key note speech at a college graduation ceremony in the North of England. Alas, it was not meant to be.

Don't worry, nothing sordid - just a calendar mix up.

But I was excited, I'd already written the whole damn thing. My goal was to go in deep and touch on some of the things I wish I knew earlier in my life, regardless of my career ambitions.

So rather than put it in the bin and forget about it, I present it here for you instead.

Thoughts and comments and bin emojis welcome if that's how you feel...

The keynote I didn't deliver

Hi everyone, my name is Fleurie and I’m the Story & Growth Director a Stronger Stories. For those interested, we work with impact-led entrepreneurs and companies like WorldSkills International and WWF to tell stronger stories about new ideas to create fairer change, faster. It’s a brilliant mission and I’m grateful for the opportunities I have and have had throughout my career since I graduated.

But rather than talk about my career today, I wanted to talk about a special day that’s close to my heart.

That day was March 31st 1999 and it was the day the greatest film of all time was released in cinemas. According to me anyway.

The film I’m talking about became the highest-grossing film for Warner Bros that year, winning 4 academy awards.Today it remains one of the most respected and frequently referenced films in history for its iconic cinematography and scarily surreal yet believable narrative.And it starred my absolute favourite famous human being, Keanu Reeves.

The film was, The Matrix.

On that day, although I was very young, The Matrix changed my world and inspired me to consider new possibilities about how I perceived life. For those who haven’t seen it, it essentially indicates that this world is a computer programme and that the real world has been hidden from us by machines so that they may use us as batteries. Hopefully no spoilers but you’ve had 23 years to watch it.

As I have grown older and a little wiser, the ideas contained within this epic sci-fi story of rebirth have grown more and more significant to me. Not least because the world we’re living in has felt increasingly surreal…

But let me pause here and see how you feel about that statement:

• Raise your hand if you felt like living through the pandemic, contained at home was a surreal experience?
• Raise your hand if you felt like studying to get your qualifications during a pandemic was surreal?
• How about viewing other peoples lives or curating your best life on social?
• Maybe it feels surreal when you’re watching the news to catch up on global politics or the state of the climate?

Mmmm.

Sometimes - if not a little too frequently rn - the world can feel a bit, off.

But fear not, for Keanu Reeves and Lawrence Fishburne bestowed a great gift to me that I wish to share with you today.

And the lesson is… your perception is reality. 

Translated for Matrix fans - there is no spoon.

At my company we say the most powerful story is the one we already tell ourselves.

Because the fact of the matter is - if you change the story you tell yourself, you will change your world.And the greatest misconception in work and life - is that it’s the other way around.

Graduating from College is a big deal.

It was an incredibly important day to me because I was told I was too high energy and distracting throughout all of my schooling and here I was achieving higher education through hard work and perseverance.

This is an enormous day to mark your achievements, made more gargantuous because of the circumstances you endured to attain them. You are fantastic humans in your own right so keep hold of that.

Now, nearly 10 years on from my own graduation, I came here today to share a few Matrix-esq-perception-shifting facts that helped me to rewrite my inner story, find new depths of confidence, handle inevitable challenges in life and progress in the world of work.

So without further ado, here are 4 things I wish I’d known when my voyage began:

1. Rethink what’s “bad”. Fun fact: I was once fired. I was once fired whilst sat in a booth in McDonalds. I remember rushing to my busted little Ford Fiesta crying for about an hour thinking I would be haunted by this harsh reality because I had attached so much of my identity to my career. Although it was relatively early on and I had been headhunted for an opportunity to work with the coolest brand on the south coast. But it didn’t work out. But you can learn as much, if not more, from awful people, awful jobs and awful circumstance as much great ones. So don’t worry about getting every single decision right, you will make mistakes but you will learn about yourself and the world because of them. They are not things you should hide. The firing fiasco was just a lesson, it was painful for a while but now it’s just a funny thing that happened a long time ago and it never held me back because I refused to let it define anything about me. In all great stories, there are moments of jeopardy and challenge that heroes (you) must overcome to get to your better world. Don’t think of them as anything more than that.
2. Don’t limit yourself. You would think that in a world full of many inequalities and inequities, no-one would knowingly choose to limit themselves, but as I mentioned before, the most powerful story of all is the one you’re already telling yourself. I’ve noticed in recent times that ‘imposter syndrome’ has become widely talked about. It’s a psychological phenomenon in which someone doubts their talents, or accomplishments and has a fear of being exposed as a fraud. But through its repeated discussion, it prevalence has become normalised. It’s easier to say I have imposter syndrome than to point to a fundamentally sexist societal creation as the fault. It is not you that’s the imposter, it’s the circumstances around you that may lead you to feel that way. It’s not something to be ‘worked on’ as your problem but rather fought against by achieving success for yourself and supporting others in your world. Sexism and racism are systemic issues that are being brought into the light and actively dismantled, albeit slowly. They are realities that stand in the way of collective and individual progress. But to allow the misguided ideas of others to limit you - subconsciously or not - is a cardinal sin. Surround yourself with people who inspire you and whose leadership creates the progress you want to see. Do not give your time or energy to the people or ideas that don’t benefit you - life is too short. It is only in surrounding yourself with forces for positive change that you will find inspiration to fight harder for yourself. Don’t create limits where none need exist and remember, no voice or idea is too small - we can all be more Greta - and we need diverse voices and ideas to make this world a better place.
3. What’s your why? Graduating from college is a great moment in your life to look at your values in order to figure out what to do next. When you leave education, you’ll work to pin down the transferable skills you can offer a company in order to look desirable but you’re entering a very different world to the one I did. Now more than ever, good company leaders are recognising that a motivated and passionate team culture comes from a place of united purpose. Skills can always be learned but your attitude and motivation comes from within so figuring what matters to you now (and continuing to ask yourself this question) will set you on the most exciting course possible. Nothing will make you feel more empowered, more successful or happy than doing a job that allows you to live by your values, so now is the time to figure out what they are. (I have a tool for this if you want it)
4. Time. Now apologies for going a bit meta on this one, but society can make you feel the need to rush around and keep busier then is probably healthy - that doesn’t change after college. But there’s one fact that negates this prerequisite and that fact is time does not exist. This moment is all there is and is all there will ever be. Watches and calendars and project management software are great tools for planning life but don’t let them fool you into wasting your life thinking and worrying about the past or future. They will never come. Nothing exists except right now so don’t miss it.
5. Tell your story, you don’t know who it might impact. Finally, I wanted to leave you with a polite request. A lot is spoken about the importance of people using their privilege to fight for the needs of others these days and I’m here for it. One particular type of privilege that’s coming up in the world of business is confidence and communication. There’s no doubt, those who have the tools to share their story or the story of others successfully, holds great power. In this room I see educated, ambitious people who are hungry for more. Education isn’t just about gaining curriculum-oriented wisdom, graduating proves that you have the energy and stamina to tackle everything that’s thrown at you and do it brilliantly. Now I want to ask how will you wield this new level of power and how can you be in service to others. At work, we talk a lot about the power of storytelling and how it has the ability to change the world - both inner and outer. But storytelling isn’t something we’re either born with or not, it’s a skill like any other. As is the ability to build confidence. I watched an amazing ted talk of a chap who said he needed to toughen up so he became a football referee knowing he would have scores of players shouting at him and disagreeing with his decisions week in and week out. It worked. It’s up to you what you choose to do with you new found skills, but one incredible benefit that comes from what you have achieved is that you already have the ability to inspire other people to do the same by telling your story. There is no ‘expert level’ that must be achieved before you start to share your story. It starts whenever you want to, and you have no idea who needs to hear your story or see someone like you achieving what you have. So as you set-out on your new path, don’t forget you have a voice and that using it can make a meaningful difference in someone else’s life.

I want to thank the College for brining me here today (sigh).

Thank you to the tutors who encouraged and supported students through their education and who without I know I personally wouldn’t have graduated.

Thank you to the friends, family and chosen family of the students for their cheerleading.

And finally, the amazing students-now-graduates who worked their damn asses off under the most unimaginable circumstances to achieve greatness.

In the words of the incomparable Morpheus:

“I can only show you the door, you're the one that has to walk through it"

Good luck out there.