How to Transformation Yourself From Being Self-Critical to Self-Empowered

A telling tale to make it oh so easy and clear

Hi. I’m Paul, and I’m a self-criticalaholic.

Hi Paul!

It’s been 29 days since I started coming here. I am making progress. I am becoming more aware of my self-criticism.

Yet, I still can’t believe what a wasted pile of human protoplasm I am because I keep defeating myself with my self-criticism and I…

Oops.

There I go again.

Sorry, everyone. I’ll quit wasting your time with my pathetic…

Oops.

There I go again and again and again and again…

I sit back in my chair, shut my mouth, sulk and feel like such a putz.

After the meeting, a woman from the group walks up to me and says, “Paul, you’re not alone. Almost everyone is self-critical. Nowadays, you almost need to be an egoist or narcissist to not be. I was one, but I’m not anymore.”

“Can you help me? Maybe be my sponsor?”

“I tell you what. You give me a ride to the train station, and on the way, I will share with you how I totally went from being self-critical to being self-appreciating.

“If you fully embrace what I tell you, you’ll quickly be cured.”

“Hell, I’ll take you to your destination for that!”

“You won’t need to. It’s simpler than you can imagine.”

“Deal. My name is Paul.”

“Hi. My name is Angelos”.

(Angelos? Where have I heard that before?).

As I pull out into traffic, she dives right in.

“You, like me and others, are a self-criticalaholics because something or someone along your life path caused you to be that way.

“Nowadays, social media and marketing fuel our beliefs of inadequacy.

Additionally, comparing yourself to others is the death of our joy.

Yeah, I’ve heard that.

Read Comparing Yourself to Others Is the Death of Your Joy and Progress in Life

“Often, it is your parents or a parent who instills false beliefs about yourself and your inadequacies.

“You can never live up to their expectations. They’re often overly critical and don’t realize the damage they’re doing.

“It’s all about them. It’s their unhappiness or dissatisfaction with themselves and their life.

“The most common false belief is, I’m not good enough.”

“I once heard Marisa Peer, known as the ‘Therapist to the stars,’ tell a story about a famous super-rich actor who hated everything. His home, his four ex-wives, his acting, himself…everything. He was miserable.

“Peer asked him what his parents were like. He said, ‘We were dirt poor, and my father literally treated our dog better than me.’”

“Peer instantly identified the problem. He didn’t think he was good enough because that’s how he was treated as a child.”

“Well, Angelos, my parents weren’t like that at all. In fact, they didn’t drive me hard enough.”

“OK. But I bet there was something when you were young.”

“Yeah. I was a bit of a misfit in elementary school because I had a lonely and restricted early childhood. I tried too hard to be liked. I thought that when people were my friends, they did it as a favor.

“Now, in adulthood, deep down inside, I still think that. This includes clients hiring me as a favor even though I do exceptional worth that they heap praise and gratitude upon.”

“There you go. That says A LOT.

“Now consider this. You may have thought that as a little kid, but now you realize they weren’t and aren’t trying to be nice to you. They like you and value you.”

“I guess so.”

“I bet you’ve also had a pretty successful life. Certainly, one that others may envy.”

“Well...yeah…maybe…but…”

“STOP!

“I want you to tell me the truth about what you have accomplished in life. It doesn’t have to be big things. It can be the way you are or what you mean to people. Any and all accomplishments.

I went through the list. Simply and honestly, and yes, I almost sounded like a boasting egoist even though I was just being honest about my professional accomplishments and how I am as a friend, husband, and father.

(Angelos shakes her head in disbelief).

“Do you realize that over 99% of the people on planet Earth would envy you? Who you are, what you’ve done and what you’ve accomplished. The kind of person and friend you are. What you have and your potential.

“What you told me about you and your life is amazing.

“And you think you’re a waste?!?!?”

I (embarrassingly) see her point.

“Look, just about all of us have self-doubt, self-criticism and the imposter syndrome.

“We get in this loop of self-fulfilling negative beliefs about ourselves that can literally destroy or certainly limit our lives. That’s why they’re called self-limiting beliefs.”

“What do you mean?”

“By definition, we think a belief is true. But what if it’s not?

What if it’s a false belief that came from childhood or some other period or incident in your life?

“That belief sticks and becomes the basic reason you’re unhappy or unsuccessful.

“It’s a formula as true as gravity. Here’s how it works.

“Our beliefs drive our emotions, which then drive our decisions, which then prompt our actions, and then form into our habits.

“That all adds up to the life you have and who you are right now.”

“Oh wow. I get it. Therefore, that belief drives all those things, and therefore, the outcome validates the belief and becomes a vicious cycle.”

“Yes! If you don’t think you can have a successful relationship, then you won’t recognize how to make a relationship successful. You’re destined to fail.

“When you replace this false or outdated belief with a truer and better belief about yourself, it will then drive truer and better emotions, decisions, actions and habits leading to better outcomes and a better psycho-cybernetic loop.”

“A what?”

“Sorry. That's Something David Bayer, a mindset and business expert, calls it.

“You will always be a self-criticalaholic unless you identify and then catch yourself believing that old false belief and replace it with a truer and better one.

“Remember the movie star story? The way Peer cured him was to have him repeat over and over again, ‘I am good enough.’

“Kinda sounds airy-fairy and too simple.”

“It is simple, and it works, and it sure as hell ain’t airy-fairy.

“Once he realized his self-criticism was based on bullshit beliefs imbued by his father, he replaced those beliefs with truer and better ones.

He is now is living a happier and simpler life with a woman and children he loves and who loves him.

“Paul, being self-critical is a telltale sign of deeper things within us, and these deeper things may be untrue. Yet we let them guide our lives.”

“OK. I’ll buy into that. So, how do I turn it around? I don’t think constantly saying, ‘I’m good enough’ will do the trick for me.”

“First, you notice when you’re being self-critical or negative about yourself, your abilities, or your potential.

“You look hard at what you’re thinking and believing.

“I get it. Just like right now with me. I realize there is something not right about me being too self-critical about myself. So, you’re saying identify it and then challenge it.

“Yes! You check and see if that’s the true you and if what you’re thinking is actually true. From what you told me you have accomplished amazing things and are a wonderful person.

“That’s HUGE.

“Now you can get past the old belief and move forward in a realistic and positive way.

“You’ll start doing it automatically and, eventually, kill off that false belief.”

“Sounds like a lot of work.”

“What could be more worth it?

“Besides that, it becomes easier because of where attention goes, focus, and energy flow.

“By making an initial focused effort to put your attention on the list of great things in your life, that list will expand. You will realize more about yourself and your life and what you have to offer, what you’ve brought to life and to others.

Your confidence will grow. New opportunities, ideas and realizations come to you. It’s like God, or the universe or your brain is helping you.

“While you do this, you start practicing gratitude. Start noticing anything and everything every day that you have to be grateful for. Big things and little things.

After all, you can’t be unhappy if you’re being grateful.

“When you realize all you have, all you’ve done and all that you are, it changes the belief to a truer one.

“How long is this going to take me to turn myself around?”

“You’re already doing it! You identified what happened when you were in elementary school. Just identifying and realizing that it’s no longer true is a HUGE step.”

“But it was understandable why I felt the way I did.”

“That was then, and it was maybe even B.S. then.

“Remember this: almost every single person that ever walked the Earth died with self-limiting beliefs. Their lives were limited because of old or untrue beliefs.

“Now that you know, you can be the exception.”

“Thank you, Angelos. You’re right. It all makes so much sense. I already feel totally different about myself. You’re like a guardian angel to me. Thank you so, so much.”

“You’re welcome. This is what I am here for. It’s all about paying it forward.”

We pulled up to the old train station and I suddenly realized, “Wait, there is no passenger train that stops here, Angelos.”

“That’s okay. This is where I will leave you.”

I pulled away from the depot with my spirits lifted, my hopes soaring and a heart full of gratitude.

I glanced at the rearview mirror for one more look at Angelos, but it was as if she had disappeared. Strange.

Now I remember where I had heard her name. Angelos is Greek for angel messenger.

Goosebumps.

One month later…

“Hi. I’m Paul. It’s been 29 days since my last meeting at Self-criticalaholics Anonymous (and my strange encounter with an entity named Angelos).

“I feel amazingly better about myself.

“I am no longer a pile of wasted human protoplasm; I am an exceptional pile of human protoplasm, and I’m proving it.”

Angelos was right about all of it. I am blessed.

“So, with that said, I am stepping away from the group.

“However, if anyone needs a ride to the train station, call me.”

I’m going to pay it forward.

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