Stuck in the fog of fear and overwhelm? You're not alone. Here's how to get unstuck.

"I desperately need to focus but can’t - so many people and things need my time"

"I want to be productive but I don't know where to start"

"I'm stuck in a cycle of fear, anxiety and uncertainty"

I’ve heard this so many times over the past few weeks and at times I’ve felt the same.  

Coronavirus crashed into our lives without warning. Throwing all our routines, habits and certainties into chaos; creating fear and uncertainty and disrupting the systems and communities we fall back on when the going gets rough. 

It’s like trying to run in FOG, needing to get somewhere urgently but being terrified of the hidden hazards that could trip you up at every step.  It’s exhausting, stressful and unproductive.

Worst - we don’t even know when the FOG will eventually lift

This situation reminds me of the anxiety I felt in the midst of some ‘bad’ situations in my own life - the breakdown of my first marriage, the financial meltdown of 2008, or (almost a decade ago) my 18 year old student daughter announcing she was pregnant. During these times I felt overwhelmed, inadequate, full of fear, with my sunny disposition transformed into bleak despair. But I also learnt how to move through these emotions to a more positive place.  

I’m neither a counsellor nor a psychologist; but as a successful business and personal coach, I empathise with the challenges my clients face. To help my clients deal with the anxiety of Coronavirus I’ve designed a very practical, effective 4 step coaching model - GONG to navigate through the fog of uncertainty and fear and move to positive action.

GONG helps us get back on an even keel, ‘feeling’ the emotions and challenges we’re facing, not to hang on to them, but to identify and name them, request what we need to move forward, as well as highlighting and being grateful for what we already have. 

I’m sharing GONG so you can use it too

Most importantly it helps you move on from an endless cycle of worry, into taking positive action, not in a random ‘I’ll feel better if I just do something’ way, but by spotting where you should start to get the greatest benefit. 

If you’re a ‘list’ person, you are going to LOVE this model! And even if you're not - this may be your most effective use of 20 minutes since lock down began!

Using GONG you’ll write 4 lists which will help you unlock your fear and move you into positive action.

All you need is some quiet time and a pen and paper.

Let’s go …

Step 1 - Gravity

We need to stop wasting our time and emotion on gravity. Gravity is something that just ‘is’. Unless you’re studying the work of Sir Issac Newton you shouldn’t spend any time thinking, worrying or strategising about gravity, you just need to accept it for what it is.

There are so many issues in our lives that fit into this category; yet we constantly obsess about them, scenario planning around ‘what ifs’; effectively allowing our thoughts & emotions to be hijacked by them.  

Gravity is something over which we have no control of the ultimate outcome 

Such as the weather, the economy and other ‘big picture’ issues but it can also include things which hit much closer to home. Things over which we feel we have much more agency, possibly even more responsibility, things we care deeply about; but yet when totally honest with ourselves, we recognise we have no ultimate control.  

For example, top of my ‘Gravity’ list right now, are my concerns about my elderly parents catching Coronavirus. I’ve accepted I have no control over this, outside of my own actions (more on this later) there is absolutely nothing I can do to influence the actual outcome. Yet my fears around the potential outcome have hijacked my emotions, as I catastrophize about them catching it. It’s been very useful for me to label this as an issue of gravity - this releases me and allows me to focus my time and attention on the issues I can impact, rather than those I can’t.

Now the work begins - don't worry you'll enjoy it!  

So the first step of GONG is ‘calling out’ the issues you've spent your precious time, energy and thoughts on; highlighting the problems where you are unable to control the ultimate outcomes. Take a fresh piece of paper and under the title of ‘Gravity’. Take 5 minutes only (set a timer!), download all the worries, challenges and anxieties that you are able to legitimately ‘off-load’ as issues of gravity - fill the page, there’s probably lots of gravity consuming your thoughts right now!

Step 2 - Options

Having filled your first page with issues of Gravity, it’s time to move on to step 2 - The Options list.

The Options list contains all the things you do have control over. 

Before you start the Options List, go back briefly to look at your Gravity list. Consider this question, ‘I don't have control over this, but do I have influence?' Strike a line through the things on your list that you have no control nor influence over. Things like the weather and the economy are examples. Consider the remaining items on your list - the issues over which you have no ultimate control but you do have influence and could do something positive to ease the issue.

Take another 5 minutes to write your second list - Options. Taking each of your remaining ‘gravity’ items in turn (the ones without a line through them), ask yourself ‘what positive action could I take on this topic?’ Note down the things you can do, to mitigate against each concern. For example on the ‘gravity’ issue of my parents potentially catching Coronavirus, I’ve come up with this list:

• Explaining ‘cocooning’ and how to achieve it across a prolonged period of time 
• Talking to them everyday ensuring they hear my voice, feel my support; as well as being able to pick up on things I might be able to help them with 
• Arranging deliveries of shopping and meds so they’re not tempted to leave the house
• Write to them - indulging their love of receiving physical, personal letters, including hard copy photos to raise their spirits and remind them of happier times
• Encouraging them to contact their friends by phone which helps them over obsessing about the news
• Make plans for when we can be together again

Review your Options list and pick your top 5 actions.

Step 3 - Needs

 By the time you’ve finished step 2 you should be fired up towards taking positive action. You now have a list of positive things you can do and some priority ones you want to start on. You may be tempted to jump straight into action. But I don’t want you to - (not yet!).

Pause and take a few moments to think about your own needs. The whole purpose of using this model is to get you out of fear and overwhelm - back into positive action.  Remember where we started - you were stuck in Fog, unable to move forward and full of anxiety and fear! The danger with leaping straight into action is you run out of steam before you’ve made much progress.

It's essential we take care of ourselves before trying to help others

Just as the airline safety passenger information instructs - ‘fit your own mask before helping others’, we need to heed this advice everyday, particularly during stressful times of change and challenge.

Here’s your opportunity for list number 3 Needs. Ask yourself 2 questions:

1. What do I need to do to take good care of myself?
2. What do I need to ask others to do for me?

These can be specific to your prioritised list of positive action, chosen from step 2, or more generic issues directed towards self care, such as diet, sleep, exercise and mindfulness.  

Pay particular attention to your answers on the second question - make direct requests to people who are sharing this journey with you. For example I made the request to my Mum not to call me during 9am and 5pm on weekdays, unless it’s urgent. This allows me to have dedicated work time, without the worry of missed calls from her, or the tension of unnecessary interruptions to coaching sessions.

Spend 5 minutes creating your 3rd list around your Needs.

Step 4 - Gratitude

Gratitude is my favourite GONG list because the benefits are immediate and enormous. Recognising what we have to be thankful for, even during the worst of times, fosters resilience because gratitude focuses on what we have, rather than what is lost or missing.

Take 5 minutes on your final list - again I want you to ask yourself 2 questions:

1. What am I grateful for?
2. What am I grateful to myself for?

The first question is more obvious than the second. We’re familiar with being asked to make time to notice what we’re grateful for. But when have you ever stopped to recognise your own worth in this way? By asking yourself ‘what am I grateful to myself for?’ I’d like you to tune into the actions you've made, that are already having a positive effect.

You can relate these questions back to your previous lists, expressing your gratitude for something specific, or make these lists more generic. Referring back to the example I’ve been using, regarding my parents, here's what I wrote on my 4th list; ‘I’m very grateful my parents have enjoyed robust and healthy longevity’. And for the second question ‘I’m grateful to myself for nursing my Dad through his last serious illness 3 years ago. Because of that I’m recognise and admire his level of determination and resilience to overcome setbacks'.

Now you will have 4 lists with scribbles, strike throughs and possibly a few ‘aha’ moments. From this work I want you to distil the following:-

• Gravity - recognise what is outside your control and let it go!
• Options - decide on your first 5 positive actions.
• Needs - plan to look after yourself and decide what you can ask of others.
• Gratitude - recognise what you're grateful for, especially from yourself.

There you have it - GONG 4 steps to help you lift the Fog of fear & overwhelm and get moving in the right direction again. 

The magic happens when you do the work. Sometimes we all need a little extra help, it can be tough moving forward on your own. If you’d like an ally, reach out, I’d be delighted to help.

I specialise in helping professionals choose change so they can create careers, lives and businesses they love. Interested in coaching with me? Direct message me and let's see if we're a good fit!

www.elisefinn.com