Helping others is the way to grow!

We walk through life, meet strangers along the way. If we took time to know a person, we may learn something from them in return.

It's like blessing others and being blessed.

Here's a story about Mr. Tan.

He is a retiree who has spent 30 years working in a bank where he climbed the corporate ladder. At his prime, he took on director duties and led teams. Now he is retired and on contract work which is renewable on yearly basis.

He dresses humbly and speaks gently. He sold his Mercedes about a year ago as the car reached 9 years old and started experiencing mechanical problems. After selling his car, he learnt to take the MRT and is constantly in wonderment how well connected the Tiong Bahru MRT line is to various places.

His property journey was quite interesting. Borne into a well to do family, he lived in a landed house for the earlier part of his life till the day he got married. His first matrimonial property was a 3 bedroom condominium at Tiong Bahru which he sold and made money. He then bought a 4 bedroom unit within the same project. Again this was sold about 6 years ago and he made more money. After the sales, he bought his current home, a 5 room HDB flat at Boon Tiong Road. When I asked him why he still wants to stay at Tiong Bahru and not move to other district, he says he likes that location.

Mr. Tan still enjoys going to staycations, using his privilege memberships in hotel chains like Marriot, Fullerton, Sofitel etc. He likes fine dining and travels to various locations in Europe every year. He likes the lifestyle and at 64years old now, he just wants to do a bit of work, whilst enjoying. Did I mention he eats a lot, although he isn't overweight. He has 3 stents but he still does his run and exercises every week.

Will Mr. Tan become a client?

At most networking meetings, we try to find the ideal prospect with the hopes of getting a deal. Before we actually invest our time to know the person, we think what can I get from him/ her. This is what most sales people do, irrespective what kind of trade.

In my case, knowing Mr. Tan wasn't about trying to get a deal from him or his contacts. If he gives me a referral, that will be a bonus for me.

To be honest, Mr. Tan isn't the richest man I know so far.

What I have learned from him

Mr. Tan walks to talk. He has done well with his property planning. His current HDB flat is well renovated, costing him close to $200k. In the resale market, his flat can fetch $1m and above. When asked why he spent so much money on renovation, he told me he wanted the space to be well utilized and thematic.

When we talked about career, he told me he was previously posted overseas in Switzerland and that was where he developed the penchant for European cultures and traditions. Thus, he travels back every year and each time he books and check in to the luxurious hotels there.

When I asked about his future goals, he jokingly says he probably has 20 more years to live. He has witnessed his peers and friends passing one by one, learning to deal with grief and loss. Pertaining the future, he wants to travel while he is healthy to do so.

Mr. Tan is an example of what a Singaporean's life is like if you have done well in the earlier part of your career.

What can I help him with?

During our conversations, we talk openly with no holds barred. He doesn't pretend to know what is going on in the economy, or speak with an authoritative tone even though he has dealt with many kinds of big clients in the past. He knows what kind of words to use and he does so carefully. For context, he used to churn billions of dollars in the investment services he provides.

In his area of expertise, I play the role of an inquisitive boy where he patiently explains how things work and why certain decisions made certain impact.

Whereas in my area, he respectfully lets me finish my sentence rather than jump in with assumptions on what I was trying to convey. Hence, this conversation where mutual respect is practiced makes our engagements more rewarding.

Most recently, he told me to help his daughter with HDB upgrading. Although he could put on his fatherly hat and advise his daughter to follow his path, he chose to let her figure out her own life. And that is also a form of respect.

Never try to change another person's life

Have you met MLM sales people who were so fervent to recruit you to sell a product?

I have.

The thought of improving someone's quality of life is fundamentally erroneous because only we can help ourselves.

We are the product of what we do and what we do is related to how we think. "What do we want?" is a personal question.

Mr. Tan never tries to change how I think, and that is why we are both unique.

Being Unique is the way to grow

When you realize that you are different, you will start to grow in your way. Imagine keeping a plant. Do you keep changing the pots, taking the roots in and out of the soil?

If you do that, won't the roots be stressed? and will the plant die as a result?

Understanding the characteristics of the plant is important, then after putting it into the correct media, you just have to sit back and observe its growth.

Likewise, a successful professional cannot keep on changing career trajectory, you may change a little during your discovery years (understanding self) but after that you will need to focus on your strengths and grow from there.

Most people like to jump on trends instead of understanding their uniqueness. And as a result, they get lost.

Seeking commonality

During our conversations, Mr. Tan revealed that he used to study at Tanjong Katong Technical School. He did his pre U there! What a coincidence! He turned out to be my senior from the same school!

Life is so interesting when you identify a single commonality with another person.

Have you felt that some people seems so nice to talk to?

Well, most of us will be able to relate to people who we find common topics, be it a hobby, a parental role, a work related situation, a monetary investment, a pet, a car, food etc.

But many of us aren't open to communicate with others openly. And when we do not express ourselves enough, then we really restrict our personal growth. For e.g. do you meet up with people when invited for coffee? In the last 6 months, did you choose to remain within the same circle of friends?

Growth is 70% social

A person's success can be attributed to 3 main factors.

Social circles constitutes 70%. If you are doing business or aspire to be like someone in business, you need to be in the business community. The same rule applies if you want to be an artist, a pilot, an architect, a doctor etc. so your chances of success will be higher. It is about who you know.

Knowledge on the other hand constitutes about 20% of your success. In this context, it refers to your ability to analyze situations and react to it appropriately. For example, if you know there is an opportunity to make money, you still need to take action in order to materialize it. It is about how you think.

Hard work scores merely 10%, it is the lowest not because being lazy is good thing. :) There are many hardworking people around us. If you start the day at 8am, someone can do it at 6am. If you end work at 12am, someone can do it at 2am. There is no way you can compete and win by clocking the most hours and being the most hardworking person in the room. It is about how you work.

So spend your time getting social. Let people know the real you and you will discover that helping others is actually the way to grow!

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