Gratitude Not Required: A Trauma-Informed Thanksgiving for Children in Care

Children impacted by any kind of family separation, whether it be foster care, adoption, or divorce, don’t have to feel thankful during Thanksgiving or any other holiday. 

Sure, for most people, Thanksgiving can be a joyful time of year filled with family gatherings, shared traditions, and expressions of gratitude. But this year, it might be harder than normal to find things to be thankful for, and we should be willing to offer space for that to children and ourselves. 

Unfortunately, for some, the Thanksgiving holiday festivities can trigger feelings of sadness, loss, fear, and isolation. School discussions centered on family, food, and traditions can unintentionally highlight the differences in students' lives, bringing up painful reminders of family separation, unfulfilled wishes, or confusing emotions around their past and current family dynamics. 

Children who have experienced abandonment, abuse, or neglect may be forced to spend time with abusers as their caregivers make exceptions for visiting over the holiday. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must be for a child and the sense of impending doom it would bring to my nervous system. 

If you haven’t considered Thanksgiving from a childhood trauma perspective before, I encourage you to approach it with compassion, awareness, and thoughtful strategies to support those who aren’t feeling grateful this year.

How Teachers Can Create a Trauma-Sensitive Thanksgiving

I get it. We all want to celebrate and find reasons to be positive during this holiday, especially because most people in the U.S. celebrate it. I am not here to be a Debbie Downer; I just want to offer some alternatives that might make things less triggering for children. 

In classrooms, Thanksgiving discussions often focus on family and gratitude, themes that can be emotionally charged for children depending on their life circumstances. A child who doesn’t have a traditional family setup may feel alienated or ashamed when asked to share family traditions or express gratitude. Teachers can unintentionally contribute to these feelings if they’re unaware of how complex Thanksgiving can be for children who have experienced abuse, neglect, and loss. 

Three ways teachers can promote inclusivity:

1. Emphasize Universal Themes: Frame Thanksgiving as a time to celebrate kindness, community, and shared values rather than focusing exclusively on family gatherings. Emphasize inclusion and teamwork, making space for diverse expressions of thanks.

2. Avoid Direct Family Questions: Instead of asking students to share about their families, let them talk about any person, place, or memory that makes them feel good. A simple shift from “Who are you thankful for?” to “What are you thankful for?” can make a big difference.

3. Allow for Opt-Out: Give children the choice to participate in Thanksgiving discussions or activities. Recognize that some might need a break or feel uncomfortable sharing their personal experiences.

4. Become Trauma-Aware: Know the symptoms to look for when the child is overwhelmed or distressed while participating in Thanksgiving activities. A few common ones are refusing to participate, attempting to leave the room or conversation, distracting others, staring off into space, a sudden change in mood, and complaints of headaches/stomach aches. 

5 Tips for a Trauma-Informed Thanksgiving Experience

Thanksgiving can bring up complex emotions for children in foster or kinship care. They may feel caught between wanting to connect with their past and forming new bonds with current caregivers. Here are five ways caregivers can create a supportive Thanksgiving experience:

• Lower Your Expectations: Holidays tend to add pressure to the pressure cooker that we call family life. This often occurs because we have high expectations of a “perfect family gathering” that usually falls short when raising children with trauma. Balance out your desire for a Norman Rockwell-esque Thanksgiving with the reality of living with trauma. Lower the bar so everyone has a more enjoyable holiday season.

• Be Aware of Triggers: Holiday scents, sounds, and tastes can activate traumatic memories and feelings of loss in children, activating their trauma responses, which commonly include hypervigilance, withdrawal, and dissociative or aggressive behaviors. Knowing where the behavior stems from can calm OUR nervous system. 

• Set the Scene for Flexibility: Honor the child’s cultural traditions and family rituals. Rather than enforcing your rituals, ask the child what they would like Thanksgiving to look like. Invite them to include how they celebrated in the past with their first/bio family. Respecting their preferences and giving them a choice can help them feel more in control and reduce potential anxiety/meltdowns

• Acknowledge All Families: Children often feel loyalty conflicts around the holidays. Reassure them that it’s okay to remember their birth family or former caregivers. Consider lighting a candle or setting aside a moment of reflection in honor of the people who have been important in their lives.

• Create New Traditions Together: Invite the child to help create new Thanksgiving traditions. Whether baking a unique dessert or going on a nature walk, letting the child contribute to new traditions fosters a sense of belonging and stability.

• Avoid Forcing Gratitude: While Thanksgiving is often associated with gratitude, don’t pressure the child to express thankfulness if they’re not ready. Trauma can make feelings of gratitude complex; instead, let them express whatever feels authentic without expectation.

• Offer Emotional Space and Validation: Children in care often carry mixed emotions during the holidays. Let them know that all their feelings—sadness, joy, or something in between—are valid. Remind them that there’s no “right” way to feel and that you’re there to support them.

Through small yet meaningful changes, teachers and caregivers can create a Thanksgiving experience that respects the unique needs of children in foster and kinship care. Sensitivity, inclusion, and flexibility go a long way in helping these children feel safe, respected, and seen. By fostering an environment that honors their feelings and experiences, we can make Thanksgiving a little brighter for them.

For free webinars on trauma-informed care for children, visit and subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Many adults aren’t feeling grateful either this Thanksgiving, and that’s okay, too. Just as the memories of holidays past can be activating for children, they can also be activating for adults. Once we express how we really feel, we are more likely to find room in our hearts for thankfulness. Remember that you must address your own trauma to prevent passing it on to the next generation. Go to therapy, talk to a friend, or write in your journal to prepare emotionally for the season that's upon us.

Keep up the good fight out there. We got this! 

Client Testimonial

I was the keynote speaker for the Oklahoma Infant Mental Health Conference in October. This week, I received some beautiful and touching feedback from Carly Harris, the Program Director of the Oklahoma Association for Infant Mental Health (OK-AIMH), and I want to share the happy news with you!

To schedule an event or virtual workshop on trauma-informed care in 2025, contact me today.

The Trauma Champion of the Month

Trina Kennedy, RSW, BAHSA, is the author of the brave new book, From Trauma to Triumph and What Lies Between. I had the privilege of writing the foreword for Trina’s book, and I can’t wait for all of you to get your hands on a copy! 

In her story, Trina shares a moving narrative about healing from trauma and discovering inner strength. Drawing from over thirty years in human services, she intertwines professional insights with her personal journey toward self-acceptance. This book delves into the interplay between vulnerability and resilience, illustrating how embracing one’s past can lead to transformative growth. Each chapter encourages reflection and offers guidance on navigating the challenging yet rewarding process of personal recovery.

With heartfelt examples and practical advice, Trina shows that monumental change is possible even in our darkest moments. From Trauma to Triumph and What Lies Between is a beacon of hope for anyone on a journey of self-discovery or healing, affirming the possibility of a future full of potential and peace.

Learn more about Trina and her work as a trainer and coach on her website, and explore how understanding and overcoming the shadows of your past can unlock a life filled with new opportunities!

Upcoming Events & Webinars

Join trauma-informed experts Becky Haas and Beth Tyson for an empowering webinar on supporting children in the family court system!

Learn compassionate strategies to help kids navigate trauma, resilience-building tools, and how to create safe, healing-centered environments in justice settings. Together, let’s foster healing and hope for young lives.

Register today to get the early-bird 2-for-1 price!

What You Will Learn:

1. Understand the unique challenges faced by children navigating the family court and justice systems.

2. Recognize trauma triggers commonly experienced by children in court proceedings.

3. Learn practical strategies to create trauma-informed environments within court-related contexts.

4. Explore the impact of trauma on child behavior, emotional responses, and long-term development.

5. Identify tools for fostering resilience in children involved in the justice system.

6. Enhance empathetic communication skills for interacting with children who have experienced trauma.

You're Invited to the Forum on Pennsylvania's Children!

Elevate your advocacy and services.

Re-traumatization is past trauma made present. Understanding and avoiding re-traumatization is imperative for advocates and child-serving professionals. At the Forum on Pennsylvania's Children, we will learn how to create trauma-informed systems and settings to enhance a sense of safety and calm. 

Together, we can do more!

Register Here

Free Resource

In October, HealPA and the Child Advocacy Centers of Pennsylvania hosted a free webinar on teaching body safety skills to children. I co-facilitated the conversation, and the full 60-minute recording is below! If you want to learn how to empower children and prevent child abuse, this is a must-watch.

My New Book is Coming Soon!

The launch party announcement is coming soon! This book is a therapeutic story for children who have to attend supervised visitation with their first family. It gently walks the reader through Sullivan's emotions about seeing his mom and how he copes with his big feelings afterward.

What's special about this story is how it helps children mentally prepare for supervised time with biological family members, which can prevent trauma. Sullivan Goes to See Mama is the perfect companion for caregivers, therapists, school counselors, social workers, and visit supervisors.

Stay tuned for the release date! I'm aiming for December 15th, just in time for Christmas.

What I’m Reading

• Recent research by neuroscientists at the University of Lausanne highlights that serotonin plays a crucial role in resilience to adversity and depression.

• Pioneering Nonprofit Treats the Remnants of Grief with Somatic Healing Techniques

• Navigating Political Turmoil

• Pregnancy Can Awaken Ancient Viruses in Your DNA Study Reveals

Quote of the Month 

In closing...

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, I wish you a peaceful day full of turkey, stuffing, and my favorite, cranberry sauce. And it has to be the gel-in-the-can version—no other kind will do! Are you with me?

Please share this newsletter with one friend or colleague who might find it helpful. If you are reading it for the first time, you can subscribe to have it delivered to your inbox each month at BethTyson.com.

If you would like to schedule an event or continuing education for your staff in 2025, please contact me. I still have some dates available in January.

I'll be back in mid-December with another edition of the Childhood Trauma Newsletter. You can access previous editions of this newsletter on my blog HERE.

With hope, compassion, and love,

Beth