Getting Back to Memorial Day

We as a nation have been pulled in so many directions that it isn't safe to speculate that everyone understands what this date means for our nation. 

What should be the most somber of events has morphed into blowout sales at retail stores, frivolous arguments between different political parties, and other acts that those that we are suppose to spend the day remembering; those that paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms would be rolling over in their graves.  

Why am I so focused on the true meaning of Memorial Day this year? Is it because of the local bickering back and forth over the hosting of a Memorial Day parade, is it because my alma mater sent out an email “remembering and honoring all who served”, is it that I was thanked and asked to pose for pictures honoring my veteran status at a local Memorial Day ceremony, or could it be that I'm just a grumpy old school veteran that wants for the proper acknowledgment and respect be paid to great men and women that have paid the ultimate sacrifice in defense of this nation and the values that it was founded upon almost 247 years ago? 

Men and women like, Lieutenant Colonel John Spahr, Captain Kelly Heinz, Lieutenant Michael Murphy, Corporal Jason Dunham, and my shipmate aboard the USS Nassau, HM1 Gilbert Minjares. 

Army nurse, Aleda E. Lutz, of Freeland, Michigan, was the first of 400 women to die in a combat zone during World War II, when her plane went down on her 196th rescue mission. Lieutenant Ellen Ainsworth, 24 years old from Glenwood, Wisconsin, was serving in a small hospital ward in Italy, during a heavy enemy artillery bombardment, with disregard to her own safety, she moved her patients to safety, she was injured at the Battle of Anzio on 10 Feb 44, and succumbed to her injuries and passed away six days later. She was the only women do die in combat from the state of Wisconsin, during World War II. Specialist Lori Piestewa, a member of the Hopi tribe, was the first Native American woman to die in combat while serving in the US military and the first women killed in the Iraq War. 

Now, “to each their own” has been a mantra that I have strived to live by for many years. I grew up in a family that knew that true meaning of Memorial Day. I was taught at a young age that there was a difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day.  My grandfather, who was a Pearl Harbor survivor, lost a younger brother a few months after my dad was born. PFC Frank Tosetti, was the youngest of three boys that my great grandfather and great grandmother raised in San Bernardino.  Frank was a member of the 23rd Infantry Regiment B CO 1BN, when he paid the ultimate sacrifice on 12 Sep 1951, fighting the enemy in North Korea at the Battle of Heartbreak Ridge. 

My great grandmother was devastated at the loss of her baby. My dad born 17 Apr 51, never got to meet his uncle; however, he would serve as a refuge to my great grandmother as she learned to manage her grief. 

Like my dad, I never had the opportunity to meet his Uncle Frank. I can still vividly remember the Memorial Day routine that would ensue every year, with my great grandmother, my grandparents, my dad's uncle John, and my parents as we would visit Frank. We would lay flowers and pay our respects and honor his sacrifice at his final resting place at Mountain View cemetery, in his hometown of San Bernardino, California. The years would tick by, family members would pass on, but the same annual routine would continue. 

I would join the Navy and would see first hand the suffering of the families who had to deal with their loved ones paying the ultimate sacrifice. The cries of babies that would never know the love of their mom or dad, the parents who would never hold their love one again, teenagers whose parents wouldn't be around to witness them go to prom, make a sports team, apply to college, get accepted to college, graduate high school, move away to college, meet the love of their life, get married, have kids of their own, and the list goes on and on. 

I still vividly remember the Memorial Day that I spent with my parents in Washington D.C. upon returning from my first deployment, which was aboard the USS Nassau (LHA-4), where I first met then HN Gilbert Minjares. It was on this deployment, that Gil, others from the medical department and I performed CPR during a port call in Malta on OS3 Stephens. It was my first encounter with death, a time where myself and others did everything we could to save him and were not successful. During this weekend, we acted as tourist would during their first trip to our nations capital. We visited monuments, designed to pay respects to those that shaped our nation. We all know them, Washington, Lincoln, the reflection pools, the Vietnam War Memorial, and the brand new Korean War Memorial. The highlight to me of that trip was when had the privilege of witnessing  the laying of wreaths ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery. It was an amazing environment, somber in nature, but invigorating at the same time.   

Memorial Day hasn't always been Memorial Day and it hasn't always been celebrated on the last Monday of May. 

The first national observance of Memorial Day occurred on May 30, 1868. Then known as Decoration Day, the holiday was proclaimed by Commander in Chief John A. Logan of the Grand Army of the Republic to honor the Union soldiers who had died in the Civil War. This national observance was preceded by many local ones between the end of the Civil War and Logan's declaration. Many cities and people have claimed to be the first to observe it. However, the National Cemetery Administration, a division of the Department of Veterans Affairs, credits Mary Ann Williams with originating the "idea of strewing the graves of Civil War soldiers—Union and Confederate" with flowers.

 Official recognition as a holiday spread among the states, beginning with New York in 1873. By 1890, every Union state had adopted it. The world wars turned it into a day of remembrance for all members of the U.S. military who fought and died in service. In 1971, Congress standardized the holiday as "Memorial Day" and changed its observance to the last Monday in May.

Two other days celebrate those who have served or are serving in the U.S. military: Armed Forces Day (which is earlier in May), an unofficial U.S. holiday for honoring those currently serving in the armed forces, and Veterans Day (on November 11), which honors all those who have served in the United States Armed Forces.

I have always been humble and quiet over the years when l’m wished a “Happy Memorial Day” and don't make a scene and address the obvious faux pas by those with good intentions. I'm not sure what is different this year, but it is really bothering me. I set out not to come off as pompous or disregard well wishes from those uninformed. My goal was to work through my thoughts and maybe pass along solutions for everyone and to take back to myself a little bit of what Memorial Day means. 

Here are four ways to get back to the true meaning of  Memorial Day

1. Get the facts about Memorial Day
2. Take part in a Memorial Day traditions 
3. Decorate a grave with flowers
4. Wear red, white, or blue, but not the flag

I'm not trying to be Scrooge about the official beginning of summer, but we can all do better, not just with how we observe Memorial Day, but how we operate every day of our life. Enjoy the BBQ, enjoy fellowship with friends, but pause and if you don't know someone that paid the ultimate sacrifice, look up some of those I mentioned and remember them.