Five Times Introductions Are a Waste of TIme

How often have you heard a networking expert tell you making an introduction is a waste of time? Ever? Never? Well, I’m here to tell you that there are times when your networking efforts are better served by not making an introduction. In my upcoming book, Ripple: Secrets of the Best Networkers in the World, The Art of the Introduction and Other Tips, I share some of the top networking tips for making the best introductions. Part of knowing who and when to introduce your connections is in knowing when NOT to introduce people too.

Here are five of those times:

1. When the person you’re introducing someone too is more interested in making a sale than in creating a relationship. I know. You’d think that good salesperson would realize by now that selling is all about relationships, but many don’t. Right after being introduced they launch into sales mode and pitch a product or service without even thinking about whether the person they’ve just been introduced to wants or needs what they’re selling. I see this on LinkedIn a lot. Someone asks to join your network and the minute you accept, you receive a sales pitch. I think Jim Collins said it best in his business book, From Good to Great. in referring to hiring employees that it’s important to “get the right people on the bus.” He’s referring to getting the right people into your organization, and then evaluating their skills and finding them the right jobs based on those skills. I say my network is like that bus. Instead of hiring and placing people in my organization, I make sure the people I network with are the people I want on my networking bus.
2. Don’t make an introduction when there is an imbalance in the giver/taker element. The best networkers I know are generous, giving people. They share themselves, their knowledge, and their resources because they enjoy helping others. But there are also networkers who excel in finding and taking advantage of these givers. I’m not saying don’t introduce a taker to a giver, but try to make sure you’re not feeding the lambs to the lions. What you want to ensure happens with your introductions is that they’re mutually beneficial. We can’t control, protect, or shield people from others, and it’s not our responsibility to do so. I think it is our responsibility to consider what each person we introduce a contact to has to offer, and needs. In so far as it’s possible, make introductions based on the potential opportunities possible for all parties involved. I know. It “could” be a great way for people to learn to say no, or set better boundaries, etc. etc. But that’s not the goal in networking. Networking, or Networlding as I call it is, “building mutually beneficial relationships to create transformational opportunities.”  My focus when making introductions of colleagues and others is about determining whether or not those introductions will build a mutually beneficial relationship. If I’m not sure, I don’t make the introduction.
3. When my intuition or “gut” tells me not to. Call it what you want, but for me, it’s intuition. It’s that still, small voice inside that tells me “no.” I have been excited, poised, and ready to make that perfect introduction between two great friends when I suddenly feel and or hear that small voice inside telling me, “Don’t do it.” It rarely comes with a reason or any plausible or practical explanation, but I don’t question it. I wait. The times I have not listened and obeyed that voice, have resulted in disasters. But the times I have listened and refrained from an introduction I’ve learned -- much farther down the road usually -- exactly why it wouldn’t have been a good idea. I’ve been knocked down for not listening, and I’ve been relieved and grateful when I did. I don’t know how to tell you how this works, or why. But, if you are a person who has such intuitive flashes, listen to them. If you’re not intuitive, start learning to be.
4. When one or both parties don’t understand how true networking works. An experienced networker with good boundaries, mentoring skills, and patience can do wonders to start, nurture, and capitalize on a relationship with someone not so skilled at networking. I try to make those connections when I see the potential for both parties. However, it’s important that the “newbie” is open to learning, wants to learn, and is eager to explore the possibilities of networking. When one, or both parties don’t understand how true networking works, some introductions only create more problems than they solve. I’m not saying give up, or never make the introduction when this is the case. I am saying often an introduction isn’t worth making when it can create more issues than it resolves.
5. When personalities, egos, and people aren’t compatible. I have many, many friends, connections, and colleagues that I find fascinating, charming, talented and intelligent. I’d love to introduce all my connections to all my other connections, but I realize that sometimes - as great as the potential might be, that the connection wouldn’t help as much as it might hurt. Great matchmakers understand this. While both parties may be spectacular people with fantastic resources, abilities, and opportunities - not everyone is going to be the right person to introduce them to. Networking isn’t just about knowing people and introducing them to each other. It’s about knowing people and knowing the best person to introduce them to. Many of us assume that networking is simply meeting people and making introductions and then stepping back and watching the magic happen. While that magic is often there, many times it’s not. I know brilliant writers that I love working with, but when I’ve introduced them to each other the fireworks I expected were more like bombs and bullets exploding - they just did not get along at all with each other. As I’ve honed my own introduction skills I’ve learned a lot about the timeless skills of matchmaking and how they relate to networking. Do you have some insights into when you make or decide not to make introductions? I’d love to hear from you!

If you’re a networker and would like to be part of my upcoming book Ripple, please nominate yourself, or someone you know, by linking to this questionnaire I developed.