Finding Balance and Setting Boundaries: Shifting the Narrative on Managing Up

Is your approach to managing up keeping you on the path to success—or is it silently leading you towards burnout?

Early in your career, managing up may have been a checklist of tasks: writing a succinct weekly email, preparing 1:1 agendas, and keeping your boss informed. But as you climb the corporate ladder, this transactional approach needs to evolve, and fast!

As you become a manager and then manager of managers, you see pretty quickly that managing up is not just about keeping your boss happy and informed; it’s about building a mutually beneficial relationship that—not surprisingly—requires not only meeting your boss's needs but also ensuring that your own boundaries are respected. 

How do you do that? Start by getting clear on what you expect from your boss and, just as importantly, asking them to share their expectations of you.  

It may sound simple and easy (I can attest this exercise is neither of those), but doing this work is perhaps the most import thing you can do to create a sold foundation in your working relationship with your boss.

Setting Boundaries through Clarifying Expectations and Creating Agreements

"An unarticulated expectation is a disappointment guaranteed."

• Rachel Pacheco, Bringing up the Boss

I’ve written before about the slippery slope of uncommunicated expectations with team members, stakeholders, and peers, but now let’s focus on having the “Expectations Conversation” with your boss.

A few common expectations that test our boundaries:

• Workload and prioritisation - your view on what to work on when often differs from your boss.

• Availability and off-hours communication - you may believe “out-of-ours” means just that, but your boss could have a different view.

• Focus time -  Uninterrupted time to focus on deep work is essential to you, but not your boss.

Without clear communication, these expectations can quickly become sources of tension, uncertainty, and stress, testing your boundaries, impacting your productivity and wellbeing. 

Here’s how these expectations might look as formal agreements that establish clear boundaries:

• Workload and Prioritization: We agree that urgent tasks will be flagged in our communication, and I will prioritise them accordingly. Non-urgent tasks will be addressed within our agreed-upon timelines.

• Availability and Off-Hours Communication: We agree that after-hours communication will be reserved for truly urgent matters. I will respond to non-urgent messages during the next business day. (Go a step further here and come to an agreement on what is “urgent”).

• Meetings and Focus Time: Example Agreement: We agree that meetings will be scheduled with at least 24 hours’ notice unless it’s an emergency, and the meetings don’t overlap with scheduled ‘focus time.’

Taking the Lead: How to Initiate the “Expectations Conversation?”

So, where do you begin? Start by looking inward, and try this:

 1. Grab a pen and paper and write down all your expectations of your boss (Use the examples provided to kickstart your thinking). 

2. List what you believe your boss expects from you. Don’t worry about getting everything perfect—this is about starting the conversation.

3. Schedule a time to sit down with your boss, discuss and compare your notes. From there, you can create a shared document that outlines your agreements and sets up regular check-ins to review and adjust as needed.

I know that this might sound awkward or forced, but as with anything, the more you do it, the more natural and beneficial the “Expectation Conversation” becomes and you’ll find more audiences and opportunities to put it to use - be it with your bosses boss, stakeholders, team members, peers and beyond. 

Creating a Balance of Power is Up to You

Incorporating the principles of balance and boundary-setting into your agreements with your boss adds a crucial dimension to managing up.

 It ensures that while you’re committed to meeting your boss’s needs, you’re also taking care of your own, which is essential for long-term success and sustainability. So, take control, establish those boundaries, and watch your career grow.