I want to remain QUIET for sometime...

Often, when I am in my silent zone, I invite a lot a question – “is there something wrong? Are you alright? Or “Is there something bothering you?”

“Can you leave me alone and not speak to me or engage with me for some time please. I want to remain silent” – this sentence is as tense as ever. Enough to create ripples in the entire family.

If any of the family members, even by own choice decides to remain silent, it sends a shivering wave to all the other family members. We start finding reasons and all those reasons are quite different from the reasons that the silent member might actually have. We start thinking and anticipating the incidents internally that might have happened and became the reasons to spoil the mood of this silent member. Even some inter-blame game starts. The entire atmosphere of the house becomes tense.

This silence is louder than words.

Imagine when you reach home tired with full of frustration, and you don’t want to talk to anyone? You want to be quite for some time to control your emotions and be normal, but, each and every member of the family wants to approach you and ask you if everything was alright.

You are not in that state of mind to speak or discuss anything, and you do not want to talk to anyone.

You do not want to put your mind again in the same situation which has been the reason for your silence, and you certainly want to forget. You do not want to bother your family with the nonsense that keeps happening in the office or while commuting. And thus, you are silent. 

But do the family members leave you alone and allow you to remain silent and quiet? No. They want you to be normal as early as possible so that they can be normal too. They want you to speak out about whatever happened. They will come and ask you for tea or coffee or tell you good instances or ask you to trust God, and will give you courage and praise you for being strong and determined.

This sometimes makes you even more tense and irritated.

Everyone tries breaking into this wall of your silence, but this wall is one of the thickest in the world.

Many people restore their energy by remaining silent. I am no different. It is like a meditation and by being silent I am able to calm my emotions and inner conflicts. At this point I don’t want to talk about my inner conflicts. And the decision to remain silent is the best medicine for me during such situations. 

People often wonder how I spend so much time being quiet. My answer is – “Many people do not speak lounder but are being very loud inside. Sometimes there is a war like situation inside and enemies are stronger. There is a tremendous inner conflict. There might be many thoughts which might be bothering me and I would like to fight it out silently within myself.”

The larger question is - should we try speaking to the person who chooses to be silent for some time, to become normal? Would this give that person that comfort or would irritate more? Is it not infringement to their privacy?

My suggestion would be NO. Do not initiate conversation immediately. They are within their zone and surroundings. Leave them alone for some time, but also remain concerned and attached. Do not barge into their silence, yet move around so that they know you are concerned, and you would like to hear out.

Everyone has a way and method of sorting things out. The palpitation and heartbeat that they can control by remaining silent is much easier than speaking out and taking out frustration on anyone else.

Such people would eventually talk, but only when they are sorted and the struggle in their mind is quite controlled. They would talk when they would eventually get some answers to the questions themselves that are bothering them and creating conflicts in their mind.

Giving space to people in such circumstances is as much necessary as giving them oxygen.

They would for sure break their silence and you would realise that indeed their silence was louder than words.