Disagreements are healthy for product

I recently read a fantastic article last week on how we are losing the skill to productively disagree.

The article itself covers a lecture titled "The Dying Art of Disagreement" and argues that although we disagree more than in any of the recent decades, we are still failing at the task.

The topic felt very relevant (even if it is focused on the USA) because disagreements and debates around user value and product vision and strategy are a considerable part of my job as a product manager.

Our disagreements may frequently hoarsen our voices, but they rarely sharpen our thinking, much less change our minds. - Mark Colvin

I have a quote very dear to me about listening and communication which I learned more or less the hard way:

And as a product manager, it is hard to balance out the different roles you have to play (facilitator, leader, visionary) and still remember to actively listen and not focus on what you are going to say next.

The reality is that the monkey in your head can only do one thing at a time. Don't believe me? Just actively think of breathing in and out. You'll find that it's quite hard for the monkey to think about anything else. This also means that my monkey cannot listen and think about what to say at the same time.

Coming back to the article, I believe Mark Colvin takes the lesson behind the above-mentioned quote a step further:

In other words, to disagree well you must first  understand well. You have to read deeply, listen carefully, watch closely. You need to grant your adversary moral respect; give him the intellectual benefit of doubt; have sympathy for his motives and participate empathically with his line of reasoning. And you need to allow for the possibility that you might yet be persuaded of what he has to say.

That last line is the "upgrade" for me. We should not go into an argument already blindly convinced that we are right. And yet I feel that most times we bias ourselves and already enter the debate with that mindset.

In the event that your intellectual opponent has solid arguments and they make more sense than the ones you bring, you should still keep a window open to change your mind should you realize that it makes more sense to do so.

I always joke with my peers and instead of the feedback session, I call them to a feature/product bashing session. If the idea/feature still stands after everything they throw at it, then it's ready for the next steps.

So in the end, I would extend Covey's quote and say:

Listen with the intent to understand and the openness to be persuaded...

I recommend you take the time to read the full article: "The Dying Art of Disagreement"