Depression does not discriminate

Hey, what’s your dream, buddy?”. I obviously couldn’t answer that question. ‘A dream? For a 60 + year-old man?!’. When I thought about it later, I realized that dream or goal has not been a part of me. I used to be an ambitious young man who had so many things that I wanted to do that I would spare my sleep to reach for my dreams. I remember this day even to this day. The day when I realized that there’s nothing left of me except an empty shell, like a scarecrow, I was horrified. I’m really going to be forgotten like this. How pathetic is my life? This can’t be the reason why was born into this world, to live such a meaningless life…I was scared and sad.

Fortunately, I had a friend who empathized with my feelings. He had turned his life around after meditation, and he’s always been recommending the meditation to me. He told me that there’s no need for me to suffer like this, that he wishes I would escape from the depression and helplessness as soon as possible. I mustered up all the remaining courage in me and began meditating. I could continue meditating regularly everyday because the more I meditated, the more I could discard the countless thoughts. T

he useless worries, anger, feeling of depression and helplessness, cognitive errors – I discarded all of those countless thoughts. In fact, it wasn’t until a while after I began to meditate that I realized how much of the anger, irritation, and negative minds I had. I’m sure you know someone like that – someone who just can’t stop complaining about everything. These people don’t even realize that they are behaving that way. I was one of those people.

Meditation has completely transformed me. Those who were first to notice my changes were my kids and my spouse. My kids loved it after I started meditation. My son told me that I was like a wicked guy earlier, that I was violent and was angry all the time. My spouse told me that she was surprised to see me actually enjoying the chores while I was doing them post meditation. My spouse and my kids are meditating together with me after seeing my changes. This was the best sign of sensing that I am improving and helping others too.

Depression does not discriminate from young and old, wealthy and economically disadvantaged, people who have never endured trauma and those who live with horrific experiences everyday. My first thought is to consider if your depression is reactive - can you say ‘I feel depressed because…’ If you can, I really want to encourage you to talk about it - with someone safe. There is lots of research that shows talking through is helpful, but not only that, the connection with another person is vital.

When we are depressed, we quickly become isolated and engulfed by negative thoughts, images, emotions, and sensations. We assume that we can’t be helped and / or that others don’t want to. My experiences suggest the opposite; in opening up to someone who cares about us, it connects and bonds us. Think about what you would do if someone shared with you. During depression, we are unable to nurture ourselves, but being nurtured is key. No matter how challenging if feels, allow someone to care for you, let them sit with you or hold you, even though you may be unable to reciprocate- a real friend will not care what they will get out of it, as much as you have a need for nurture, they will have a need to care for you too, because they love you.

Try to go out each day, even if it busy outside your front door. If you can go further, a walk or a run, even better. Exercise has been shown to have good effect when you feel depressed - even more so if you can share it with someone else. If you need to take medication, take it. Would you refuse insulin if you were a diabetic? And please, please, if you feel like you want end it all - talk to someone. This is a symptom of depression, of a terrible situation maybe, it is not based in the reality.

Most importantly, cut yourself some slack. Depression can be utterly debilitating. Focus on getting through the next minute, hour or day- if you can set yourself small steps. Give yourself permission to just be, you are incredibly precious. When you discard the depression, you can start moving your body. You can actually put your thought into action right away. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, but changes happen when you start doing something, even if it may be small. The chores that used to be such a burden to me, raising my kids, studying another language…you can start taking baby steps. If it wasn’t for meditation, I wouldn’t have been able to grow the strength of my mind. I’m certain about it. I would have been trapped in my thoughts and never would have escaped from them.

Now I have found it all – what it is that I like, what it is that I want to do, what are my dreams, what kind of life I want to live. The answer’s not far away. It is within every single one of our minds. You can find it as well. I am so grateful for the fact that I was born into this beautiful world and can live. Now, I have so many things that I want to do. Cheers!