Defeat the Three Habits Trolling Your Professional Growth
Mitch Abblett PhD
Stop missing moments of opportunity ... Own them! Clinical Psychologist, Author, Keynote Speaker, Coach, Consultant
Whether you are already frustration-deep in trying to forge new habits for 2022, or if you’ve ever been frustrated in your habit change efforts, there are three key, hidden habit trolls that might be blocking you.
They are “hidden” because they are so close to you, they are easy to take for granted, to miss.
These three habits have tied my own healthy change efforts into knots many times.
They likely are knotting up, cluttering, your own efforts as well. They are a screwing up your best intentions, and they are a major reason your New Year’s resolutions fail.
They are close because these trolls are mental habits – habits of your own mind. Together, they clutter and tangle your neurons in the ultimate mindf*ck, the one that happens as an inside job in your thoughts!
It’s very hard to make lasting, higher habits until these habits get decluttered. Or at least until you’re beginning to do so. And like any knot you’ve untied (even troll doll’s hair!), once you get the threads loosened a bit, though the knot is still there, its days are numbered. The same applies to these three mental screw-jobs in your habit repertoire.
Mental Cluttering Habit Troll #1: Disowning Your Discomfort
This is your habit of saying “they made me angry” or “I only did that because such and such happened.” You, me, and everyone has a very bad habit of blaming others and circumstances for our stuckness, especially for the upset emotions we experience in our interactions with friends, colleagues, clients – everyone.
You have a mental habit of blaming your upset on what THEY did.
And yes, what they did may be egregious, ridiculous, and even abusive. And yet …
Once the behavior of others has happened and it enters our sensory systems, the sensory experiences, thoughts and actions comprising our habit reaction are OURS.
Yes, others should be held accountable, and no, you should not be okay with whatever others do that impact you and yet …
The mental habit of giving over ownership over your own ease, well-being, resilience, and growth to others (who, remember, happen to exhibit egregious actions) is a less-than-ideal habit in your mental software.
The habit of disowning your discomfort needs an upgrade.
Mental Cluttering Habit Troll #2: Time Addiction
This mental goblin of the mind ties you in knots when it whispers (via your thoughts) the various excuses, rationales, reassurances, and predictions based on some parlance of time – past or future.
Time addiction is so nasty to your habit change efforts because these thoughts convince you that you, others, and the things you either want or don’t want are fixed, unchanging entities.
“This has always been this way … This always will be this way … This will never work … This always works … They are the same … I am the same … Always … Never … Same … Later”
And when you allow this mental habit unfettered, unnoticed access to your attention, you find yourself feeling a bit less uncomfortable, a bit more okay with NOT putting forth the disciplined effort of moving habits higher.
Basically, this mental wisenheimer ain’t so wise. These thoughts fail the reality test – how everything is here, now, always, and ever … changing.
Think about it … What about your body, emotions, thoughts, circumstances, and stuff of your life has NEVER changed? Isn’t the fact of constant change one of the only always-es?
In mindfully noticing the changing nature of all things, you give yourself the power to drop out of time addiction and embrace the changes you’re intending (even if they are difficult) NOW.
Embracing the truth of change (especially when time addiction is trying to hijack you) is the antidote to this mental habit poison.
Mental Cluttering Habit Troll #3: Self Addiction
Here’s the real cluttering killer, paving your change intentions straight to hell.
When your thoughts (particularly around changing your habits for the better and it’s starting to get uncomfortable) center around words like MY, ME, and MINE, you are knocking on the door to Excuseville, just on the outskirts of Quitopia.
“This is just how I roll … This is who I am … I am anxious / depressed / a loner / a rebel … I won’t … I’m not … I can’t”
Though mental chatter of self-ing is crucial to our survival – not wanting MYSELF to be run over by a bus barreling toward ME – or MY brain making ME desperate for water if stranded in a scorching desert – it gets in your way when the way of healthy changing is feeling rough.
It’s more accurate to realize how you are always part of a context.
You are always changing, and you are always changing in reaction to the ebb and flow of circumstances and other people – the in-and-out-flux of physical and mental nutrients entering your system.
The more you can get behind the truth of the real you as a flock of parts flying from one moment to the next, the better.
You’re also far more likely to get with the program of decluttering the less-than-ideal parts and putting your best parts forward toward the things that matter in any given moment.
You are far better off saving your self-ing for when YOU can be grateful, curious, compassionate, forgiving, courageous, and recognizing of YOUR inherent worth and YOUR vision of the decluttered and higher identity of consistent doing what truly matters and resonates.
Again, these three mental troll-clutterers are universal.
All people get knotted by them, and yet most don’t take the threads of mental habit mindfully in hand.
Thoreau wrote in Walden that most “live lives of quiet desperation.”
You will be among the quietly desperate unless you learn to notice the whisperings of these three trolls of the mind.
So, what can you do?
Declutter them.
Like any other habit getting in the way of your intentions toward health, creativity, connection, and positive impact.
The science of habit change is clear:
1. Increase your awareness of habits by “mapping” them – the specific lay of the land of how they operate in your life.
2. Bring mindfulness skills to bear to reevaluate whether your cluttered habits are paying off or costing you.
3. Build new, specific, higher habits that pay off more, and don’t sap your effectiveness, well-being, and trajectory of growth.
You can get started by downloading my free Habit Decluttering Toolkit. Here, there are science-backed tools for getting clarity as to these habitual mental maniacs.
As always, don’t hesitate to reach out to me at [email protected] if I can help in any way!
Happy habit decluttering for the intrepid souls looking to move things higher in work and home life!
Warm regards,
Mitch
P.S. Whenever you’re ready... here are 5 ways I can help you grow your career and personal relationships:
1. Grab free copies of The Habit Decluttering Toolkit. These tools are the exit ramps from cluttering habits and for paving in-roads toward focus, authentic connection, and novel solutions.
2. Check out my mindfulness and personal growth books and card decks.
3. Subscribe to my new podcast, The Prize of Possibility, to learn from guest authors, influencers and thought leaders about how to harness nuances of potential in moments that most people miss.
4. Join the waitlist for my Transforming the Difficult Conversation Program and get ready for creative, connected leadership in the toughest conversations you face in work and life as you build scientifically sound skills that get results where few do!
5. Work with me privately if you’d like to scale from career to calling, habitual grind to creative mastery. Just send me a message with the word PRIVATE and tell me a little about your business, practice, or project and what you’d like to work on together, and I’ll get you all the details.