Counting Tiles!

Over the past few days and weeks, it’s clear the national and global conversation has revolved exclusively around the Virus. I have engaged in many conversations with friends, family and read many posts from strangers on Facebook Village groups, professional groups on Linked in, as have we all. I sense a huge amount of anxiety and the word I keep hearing over and over is “Uncertainty”. 

We are all dealing with it in our own way, many are using humour (my favourite…… B, definitely B…for those that have seen the video), many are dispensing good advice (stay at home), some questionable advice (stick a Q-tip soaked with vinegar up your nose), some are blaming the government, some naming and shaming those who are not following the rules and many sharing feel good stories.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and he told me he was really worried about our collective mental health, not not him and I, but people in general! That really stuck with me, because undoubtedly for most of us, we are experiencing a once in a lifetime event and are at different levels of mental resilience. 

It is natural to feel anxious. Is my family safe? Am I safe? Will my job be ok? Will my parents be ok? When am I going back to work? Will my business survive? Schools / homework, How do I deal with ALL this information at once……What if…What if…

For those that suffer from major anxiety, please seek professional help. Mental health is a serious topic and I am not pretending to be a counsellor. 

So for what it’s worth, here is a little story and I hope it helps.

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with Cancer. I won’t dwell on the emotional rollercoaster that came with it, but I just want to share a moment. I was on a heavy dose of steroids and all sorts of poisonous chemicals as is the norm for anyone going through treatment. A few days after first round of treatment, I was in the shower. And it hit me. A wave of hopelessness. This is never going to end. EVER. The treatment won’t work. I don’t know what is going to happen next. What if I get an infection and end up in hospital. What if….what if…

Then something unexpected happened.

I started to count the tiles. I did not know why. Now I realise it was my mind’s way of regaining control. Because 1) I knew I could count (thank you primary school education) and 2) I knew I could see tiles in front of me. I regained my composure and moved on. As the treatments went on, I went through the same anxiety, but this time I recognised the patterns. So I counted more tiles. And felt better.

So what does this have to do with anything today? How could this help with the anxiety related to the uncertainty we are going through? Sometimes we just need to slow down and in my case, count some tiles!

Just to be clear, this is not a crisis management guide for businesses. This helped me, I hope it may help you or someone you know if all this change and information is starting to feel over-whelming. 

1 - Breathe. Stop and breathe.

2 - Say your fears and thoughts out loud to yourself. 

Thoughts don’t sound so scary when they’re outside your head. If you want to learn more about this, look up Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

3 - Ask yourself “Can I control it? / Can I influence it?” If the answer is no, then tell yourself that. 

For example, In the UK, we have been told to stay at home for 3 weeks - ish. Could it be longer? Maybe, I don’t know. The reality is I cannot influence that. I am not in the government. So why am I putting any mental energy into debating it. If you don’t feel resilient enough then just avoid the topic. If there is a TV debate about it, switch the channel over / Take a short break from social media. 

This was me with Doctor Google(awful awful Doctor) 5 years ago / or any Cancer Research or Macmillan advert. Everything I googled told me I was a goner. I had to switch over. Today my resilience is significantly higher as I know I cannot change the outcome. So I can watch those ads (apart from anything with kids suffering from Cancer!, I have to change the channel immediately).

4 - This one is important. Put your energy into something you can control. What are your “tiles”. 

We have been given the gift of time (at the very least, you are not commuting). Read, write, watch TV, spend time with the family, exercise, help others, self groom, write that novel (that your spouse will tell you is great because they have to, but let’s be honest will never see the light of day, because nobody is interested in your story of self discovery when you went to Ibiza, Phil), or whatever floats your boat!

5 - Shorten your time horizons. Who knows what will happen in 3 weeks or 3 months. What are you going to do today. 

A dear friend and ex colleague had a phrase I loved - “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!”.

6 - Talk to others about how you’re feeling. Don’t keep it in. You may find the solution to the problem you’re facing in that conversation.

7 - Have some blind faith. In adversity lies opportunity.  When you’re ready it will reveal itself.

So, sorry for the long post! One of the consequences of living with Cancer is you learn to live with uncertainty every day.

Hope it helps!