Confronting the Fear of Speaking Up: Lessons from the Rapids

I love this picture of a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon. It captures the exact moment our raft was hit by a massive wave that knocked everyone in the front off the boat into the icy water. The shock on everyone’s faces—the terror of that split second—reminds me of the fears that grip us when we’re about to tackle a hard conversation.

As a leader and consultant, I continue to see this fear play out in workplaces all the time. People hesitate to speak up, just like rafters hesitate to hold steady on rough waters. They hold back for countless reasons: fear of retaliation, of violating expectations, or simply of being seen as a “naysayer.”

If you’re holding back, here’s why it’s crucial to push forward, and some tools to help you do it.

Why Fear Holds Us Back

Fear around speaking up can stem from many places, some of which are deeply personal and others that come from broader cultural and workplace norms. I’ve encountered these common fears over the years in my work with leaders and teams:

• Fear of Retaliation: Many people believe if they speak up, someone might target them or subtly make life harder. While this is rarely the intent, the possibility keeps people silent.

• Fear of Being Labeled: No one wants to be the “negative one” or the complainer, especially in environments that discourage critical feedback.

• Fear of Cultural Misunderstanding: In increasingly diverse workplaces, people worry that speaking up might be culturally inappropriate or that language barriers could lead to misunderstandings.

• Fear of the Consequences. No matter whether the consequences exist or not, if they exist in the mind of the beholder, then their perception will impact whether the person chooses to speak up or not.

If you can relate to any of these fears, you’re not alone. Fear is universal. But by identifying the specific fear holding you back, you can take the first step toward breaking through it.

Reframe Your Fear: How to Overcome Barriers to Speaking Up

Overcoming the fear of speaking up can transform your work experience and help you make valuable contributions. Here’s how to face it head-on.

1. Set Emotions Aside Temporarily When we feel nervous or fearful, we can end up saying things we later regret. Pause, breathe, and give yourself a moment to identify and distance yourself from the intense emotions. Clarity comes from calm.

2. Challenge the Accuracy of Your Thinking Ask yourself if your reasons for feeling fearful are based on concrete facts. Have past experiences shaped your expectations unrealistically, or are there examples where others have spoken up without negative outcomes?

3. Consider the Cost of Silence What happens if no one says anything? Could your team or company be missing out on an important insight? This question can remind you of the value you bring by offering constructive feedback.

4. Explore Alternative Perspectives Imagine how others might see the situation. Often, when we’re afraid, we focus on negative “what ifs.” Instead, ask yourself, “What if my feedback is welcomed?” This simple shift can help give you the courage to speak up.

The Power of Speaking Up: You Might Be the Voice That Others Need

Fear of speaking up is natural, but remember, you’re likely not alone in feeling hesitant. By being brave enough to voice your perspective, you might empower others to do the same. When people take that leap, the results often have a positive ripple effect on team morale, productivity, and even organizational success.

So, next time fear holds you back, remind yourself of these steps, and give it a go. Not only might you find that your input makes a difference, but you’ll also be building your own confidence along the way.

John Stoker, President DialogueWORKS

PS: Take a moment to ask yourself: “What am I holding back that could help my team succeed?”

Want help with a difficult conversation? Book a call with me. 

John R. Stoker is the author of "Overcoming Fake Talk" and the president of DialogueWORKS, Inc. His organization helps clients, and their teams improve the quality of their results. He has been referred to as the Interpersonal Intelligence (IPQ) Guru. He specializes in dialogue skills, emotional intelligence, employee engagement, conflict resolution, and style matching. He has worked and spoken to such companies as Cox Communications, Lockheed Martin, Honeywell and AbbVie. Connect with him on Facebook , LinkedIn , or Twitter .Want help with a difficult conversation? Book a call with me.