Collective Empathy

I was on a call earlier this week and I referred to empathy a couple of times. Empathy of the managers, empathy of the collaborators, empathy of the team, and it's basically what I've decided to refer to as Empathy as a collective. In this case, I thought empathy was probably the root of the resolution of a conflict within a team. This misunderstanding in communication and care led me to believe that the common denominator was, without a doubt, empathy.

And the idea of empathy as a collective really has my mind spinning. Have I always been the most empathetic? Alas, very openly, probably not, and the idea of that sorrows me. But as humans, we aren't perfect. As you'll see in this article, we have the capacity to grow.

Part of my personality, which I believe is related to my undiagnosed ADHD, is hypersensitivity and difficulty with emotional regulation. For a very long time, I've had a hard time processing emotions. I remember one colleague once naming my hypersensitivity as a quality and being totally set back by this. Me, hypersensitive? What an insult! But she was right, I am a highly emotional and sensitive person, but I haven't always accepted that. At that time, I thought being an empath was a weakness.

You must be wondering where I am trying to get with this story... Well, after repeatedly being told I was too sensitive by family, colleagues, and even one executive that I highly look up to, as well as other instances where I felt my sensitivity was taken for naivety, I decided enough was enough. I simply decided to shut off in a very pragmatic way. When you don't care, people can't hurt you, right? If I didn't care about things, well, things couldn't affect me? I thought that meant I'd be a better leader, a better person, and a better partner. Part of my neurotype also leads me to dichotomous thinking: all or nothing. I couldn't partly be hypersensitive or empathetic.

The truth is, I couldn't have been more wrong. Not only was I putting aside my feelings. Being empathetic is a hidden strength —what I later learned was also called part of emotional intelligence. In the process of doing this, I was perceived as a cold, cunning individual who became lonelier than I had ever been, unable to engage with a team. I'll come back to this story and myself later.

Many studies have proven that empathy is a mix of genetics and learned skills, which means you can develop your empathy. Some individuals naturally have more empathy than others. People with lower empathy are also associated with a higher risk for autism, but beware that doesn't mean that all autistics have low empathy.

We typically refer to three types of empathy: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and compassionate empathy. Cognitive empathy allows us to understand others' emotions, emotional empathy lets us feel for them, and compassionate empathy drives us to act on those feelings to help others.

So why is it that some of us don't seem empathetic or are less empathetic? Some neurological and psychological aspects may affect one's capacity to develop empathy, particularly emotional empathy. Some individuals were taught individualism and weren't exposed to empathy themselves. There are cognitive biases towards empathy too; prejudices and stereotypes can create barriers to empathy. High levels of stress and burnout can diminish someone's capacity for empathy: when overwhelmed or emotionally tired, you can struggle to connect with not only your own emotions but also those of others. Reflecting on my own experience, I was taught that emotional expression and empathy were weaknesses. Coming to terms with the fact that this belief was false took time and hardship as a manager. It's taken me time to find balance between being empathetic, and also finding the right level of pragmatism. (There is a such thing as pragmatic empathy, which I won't get into here.)

Building your empathy?

It's possible to work on your empathy. Thanks to neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections, empathy can be learned and enhanced even in adulthood.

Be genuinely curious, because it is also about trying new perspectives that may differ from yours. It's essential to understand the difference between perception and perspective. We often refer to the glass being half full or half empty. It's semantics, right? Well, not quite. Perception is your interpretation of a situation, which might be accurate or inaccurate. It's how you see and understand what is happening around you based on the information you receive. On the other hand, perspective is your personal point of view—it's the unique lens through which you see the world, shaped by your experiences, beliefs, and values. Because everyone has different experiences and beliefs, each person's perspective is different from another's.

Be mindful. When I talk about mindfulness, I am referring to the practice of paying close attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way. This means fully focusing on what is happening right now without letting your thoughts drift to past events or future worries. Mindfulness involves being aware of your surroundings, thoughts, and feelings without immediately judging them as good or bad.

Emotional validation: you may not understand how someone else is feeling, and they may not understand how you feel, but that doesn't make their feelings any less valid than yours, and their feelings should not be belittled. It's essential to recognize that not everyone will feel or react the same way in a given situation. Just because you may not personally understand or relate to someone else's emotions doesn't diminish the validity of those feelings. Each person's emotional responses are genuine and meaningful to them, reflecting their own internal state and personal context. It's like colors: some like red as their favorite color, and some will prefer blue. motional experiences vary widely from person to person.

Empathy in action: Offer help, or even just a listening ear or simply being there. It's not about understanding; it's about actions. We often say actions speak louder than words.

Why should you care about empathy?

And let's say you aren't the most empathetic person and you are wondering why you should even want to be empathetic. (I'll put aside the obvious reasons...)

• It facilitates negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication.

• It builds human connection, fosters social cohesion, and reduces discrimination.

• It motivates others to be empathetic with you.

Empathy as a collective refers to the shared ability of a group or community to understand and respond to the emotions, experiences, and perspectives of its members. This collective empathy manifests in various ways: shared experience, support systems, understanding, active listening, conflict resolution, and inclusiveness. It is a powerful force that enhances the functioning and well-being of teams, organizations, and societies.

Empathy is consistently linked to numerous positive outcomes, including improved collaboration, innovation, employee satisfaction, retention, and mental health. Organizations prioritizing empathy tend to outperform those that do not, highlighting the critical role empathy plays in modern workplace dynamics.

• The American Psychological Association (APA) found that employees with empathetic leaders are 21% less likely to experience work-related stress.

• Gallup research indicates that managers with high emotional intelligence, which includes empathy, can enhance team engagement by up to 70%.

• A study by Development Dimensions International (DDI) found that empathy is the most critical driver of overall performance among teams.

This leads me to my conclusion. I often hear leaders talk about productivity and efficiency as some of the challenges they face. And trust me, I get it. As organizations in a competitive realm, we need to set ourselves apart. Let me ask the leaders and managers reading this the following: Have you looked at the level of empathy in your team? What about you as a leader? I am not saying that it solves all problems, but what if higher levels of empathy led to higher levels of productivity? That's what science is tending to demonstrate, so why not incorporate more empathy in our ways of doing things rather than the rigidity of process. Empathetic initiatives can transform the workplace, making it not only more equitable but also more productive and harmonious. Leaders who prioritize empathy in their approach to diversity and inclusion are better equipped to address the unique needs and challenges of their team members, fostering a culture of mutual respect and collaboration.