Can You Be Joyful When Life is a Drag?
Delia Chiaramonte, MD, MS
Integrative Palliative Physician | Helping Clinicians & Caregivers Care for the Ill & Aging Without Losing Themselves | Positive Intelligence Coach | Author | Podcast Host | Keynote Speaker | Medical Educator/Editor
Life is hard and we can still be joyful. I don’t mean the “yippee” kind of joyful (although that can be fun too), I mean the grounded, curious, connected, inspired kind of joyful.
We can be grounded, curious, connected, and inspired even when things are tough.
If you are thinking “yeah, yeah – blah blah positivity”, I get you.
I am not a naturally positive person.
My childhood wasn’t particularly nurturing or happy and I was often sad or scared or uncertain. I lived life by focusing on what needed to be done, and the idea of joy was barely in my vocabulary. Life often felt hard and negative to me, and I didn’t have a model for seeing it another way.
I generally felt emotionally, and sometimes physically, unsafe as a child and I was living alone by age 16, not by choice. I’m an only child and I didn’t know where to go for help or guidance, so I dealt with the adolescent and young adult challenges (college, heartbreaks, career choices) alone. In my adult life I’ve watched my beloved children face life-altering illness and injury, and our family even faced a brutal murder. I lost a clinical program that I had poured my heart into, and I mourn a fundamental family relationship that is too broken to fix.
I share this not to complain or seek sympathy, but because I want you to see that I don’t come to positivity by some genetically granted lightness or magically trouble-free life. I don’t say these positive-sounding words lightly.
I have learned and grown thanks to a plethora of teachers. Some who didn’t know me, but still touched me with their powerful written words. Others who were living their grounded, joyful lives and weren’t aware that I was watching. And perhaps the most powerful and impactful group, many were my patients who thought I was helping them when in fact they were inspiring and teaching me.
I have learned key insights and skills that have helped me create a joyful and satisfying life no matter whether the metaphorical sun is shining or everything seems dark and stormy.
Don’t get me wrong – I have my days. But even in those days, I believe that I have the power to live a joyful life no matter what you-know-what I am currently facing. I believe that I can always find flowers in the poop.
I am currently leading a program for physicians and clinicians called Joyful Palliative Care. I want the physicians and clinicians who are caring for the ill, injured and aging to have the skills to tap into their deep and fundamental joy, even if their EMR is a disaster and their inbox is painfully full. Our healthcare system is a mess, and being joyful while practicing in it can be a struggle. Yet living a joyful life does not require the absence of struggle.
How can you experience joy even in the middle of a life filled with inconveniences, problems, and disappointments? The concept is surprisingly simple.
You need to STOPP.
If you STOPP, you can go from feeling frustrated with your life, your patients, your administrators, and all the other daily irritants, to finding the joy in whatever crazy kind of life you are living.
Here are the steps:
Self-reflection
Tools to reduce suffering in your patients (and yourself)
Openness to walking through life differently
Personalized Plan that fits who you are and who you want to be
This is what we’re working on in the Joyful Palliative Care program, but of course it works for anyone who is looking for more joy, contentment and control over their wellbeing. The STOPP method is lovely when life is going well, and it is even more powerful when life feels tough, heavy, or sticky.
An acronym can’t fully express the depth and power of learning new and effective tools to help patients feel better, mapping your inner landscape so that you no longer create your own unhappiness, and crafting a personalized and intentional plan to create a life that serves you.
As a palliative care physician, I am deeply aware that life is oh so short. I don’t want to waste any of it, and I don’t want you to waste it either.
Do something differently today.
Self-reflect on what you want in your life. Does the way you’re living reflect what you want? Do you want peaceful relationships but share criticism freely and then wonder why your loved ones are so defensive and cranky? Could you download a meditation app to help calm yourself after a stressful day? If you’re stuck in a “life is unfair” box, could you change your perspective by filling a notebook page with all the things in your life for which you’re grateful? Don’t forget toilets that flush and comfy blankets on your bed!
If you’re a physician or clinician and you’d like to explore creating a Personalized Joy Plan in community, click below to get on the waiting list for the next Joyful Palliative Care program.
If you’re not a clinician but you want to explore the STOPP plan for yourself, go to my website www.integrativepalliative.com and click Stay In Touch at the bottom of the home page. If there is enough interest in programs for non-clinicians, I will create one!
Life is so much better when we all lift each other up.
Thank you for being a part of my tribe.
Delia
Delia Chiaramonte, MD
P.S., Do you listen to The Integrative Palliative Podcast? If this newsletter spoke to you, you’ll probably like the podcast. Join us on your favorite podcast platform: https://theintegrativepalliativepodcast.buzzsprout.com/share
Great perspective!