Can You Do This

I went for a 15km hike recently with some awesome business people and noticed that at the end of the 3 hours, I felt so much more connected to some people over others.

What was the golden ingredient to bind the connection?

It wasn't about personality or fun, per se, or even interest in me. (Or story telling or business advice or humor....)

On that day, I really noticed the difference in people who are vulnerable versus those who aren't.

I think a lot of people just don't get it. Taking risks to show people you aren't perfect actually makes them feel safe with you. Sure you are risking exposing yourself to the possibility of being judged, but in many cases, I think it's worth it.

People connect to those who aren't perfect, whether it's letting people know you have problems with cash flow, or feel lost occasionally, or that you've just had a bad week. (And it's not about blaming others or the situation, but owning your actions, beliefs or values...)

And true vulnerability in my opinion is not talking about past events that you've triumphed over (although that could be a good start for some people), but what's happening for you in the now.

It doesn't have to be drama-filled doom and gloom but bloody give something of yourself. Let someone see inside occasionally. You might help someone else feel safe, giving them permission to share their stuff. You may even get clearer yourself by articulating what's going on for you out loud.

Shiny is boring and slippery and it's hard to land with shiny, let alone stick.

Letting people in occasionally makes them trust you more too. No one and no situation is perfect so if that's all you present to the world, then it's hard to find true connection.