Burnout

Burnout – D M Goldstein, September 2023

It was 30 years ago this month when Burnout caught up with me. Like many of life’s problems, it can sneak up on you, consume you, and leave scars. I’m sharing my story to help others recognize and deal with burnout in their own lives and careers.

The Woodsman’s Axe

There is a parable about a woodsman who could cut down ten trees a day with his hand-held axe. He realized one day that he was working longer hours but cutting down fewer trees. When he mentioned this to a friend, the friend asked, “Have you taken any time out to sharpen your axe?” The woodsman replied, “No,” and recognized the root cause of his problem. The lesson about taking time to “sharpen the axe”, or, alternatively, “recharging the battery”, is a significant one, yet many people overlook it.

My Bad Year

My career started just shy of 13 years earlier. I spent four-plus years working at a large university, followed by over eight years at a large East Coast minicomputer company, the last four-and-a-half of which were in my first management position. In each of those jobs there were well-defined roles and responsibilities, and entire departments for specific tasks. Then I moved to Silicon Valley to run a Support team for a West Coast software start-up of around 60 people. What ensued can best be summarized as Culture Shock.

The company had its fair share of internal problems; what company doesn’t? And had I been a stronger leader, I might have handled them better. What we had was a bad fit - wrong person, wrong company. However, I had moved from Massachusetts to California for them, they had subsidized that move, and I had an 18-month agreement around that relocation assistance, so I could not quit.

It started, as most things do, with excitement and good intentions. I had gone from being one of five front-line Support managers at my previous company to being THE Support manager. My previous team was around 14 people; my new team was around eight, and all located in one location, with Engineering, Sales, and everyone else on the same two floors. Easy, right?

The first sign of trouble was around expectations. As I mentioned, at the university and the minicomputer company there were entire departments for specific tasks. Not so at a small software start-up. There wasn’t a separate field team like before; an outside service vendor reported to me, so I had to manage their performance as well as my direct reports’. This was before “SaaS” hosted apps; we had a team which staged the software and customer data on office-environment systems for our customers and shipped them out. But when there were problems with that, such as missing data or missing/mis-configured equipment, guess who got to fix them? Right - my team. And while previously I benefited from established processes for escalating bugs to Engineering, here I had to chase Engineers down for each one, and they worked late hours, possibly to avoid dealing with my team or our customers. When you hear the expressions, “Burn and Learn,” and, “Trial by fire,” this is what they mean.

I found myself gradually extending my workday; I went from 8-5 to 7-7 and was eating lunch at my desk. I had a bottle of Maalox in my desk drawer and was drinking from it daily. There were other signs of physical stress and fatigue, but I ignored them. I kept thinking that if I worked a bit harder, I’d find my rhythm and things would be fine. I failed to realize that I was not taking time to sharpen my axe.

Things got worse when my boss took on a new role. I was part of the interview team for his replacement. There was one candidate for whom I wrote a negative decision; she had come from a Process Control background and knew nothing of the software business nor of technical support. She got the job. Among other things, during her first couple of weeks she launched “Target Zero”, a company-wide effort to get my team’s backlog down to zero cases. For anybody who ever worked in Support, you know that is impossible - there are always cases that require additional work and carry over. And, honestly, most non-Support people either dislike doing Support work or are unqualified to do it - it's not just technical knowledge, it requires a specific set of soft skills as well.

That’s probably more background than I needed to provide. Suffice it to say, I was totally stressed out, was working constantly, and was losing ground. I couldn’t quit because of my 18-month contract. So, like a person drowning, I flailed about. Burnout.

And then one day I was invited into my boss’ office where she was joined by my previous boss and our head of HR. They offered me the “opportunity to resign” and would waive the relocation reimbursement. It was a bright spot in an otherwise bleak year, and a major turning point for me. I took my lessons and my scars, and fortunately ended up at a much better company with one of my two best bosses ever. Side note: I subsequently worked for several other West Coast software start-ups with much greater success. It’s amazing what you can accomplish in a healthy company where you know what you’re doing.

Recovery and PTSD

I think job searches back then were much easier and quicker than they are now. I was fortunate to find a great management position at a great software company rather quickly. As mentioned above, it had the benefit of having a great boss, too. That is important, because my confidence had been shaken and I was a bit of a physical and emotional wreck, though I don’t know whether others observed that.

At first, I would have a moment of panic if my boss asked me to come to his office for a minute. I worried about my first couple of performance reviews like a college student worrying about final exams. I eventually found my former confidence and established a good reputation. And then, a couple of years into it, my boss left.

Breaking in a new boss can be tricky, and I had to fight off the stress reaction triggered by my “bad year” experience. My new boss was very different from the great boss who just left. The old boss was collaborative, a good coach, and trusted me to run my organization. The new boss didn’t like “FYI” mails, had ideas about changing things around without consulting me to understand why things were as they were, and didn’t seem to have any desire to develop a relationship with me.

This time I was smarter, though. I reached out to his boss (our VP) and requested a transfer to manage a different team within Support. This self-advocacy may have saved me from another bad year, and the role I transferred into was another positive growth experience. I had two bosses during my time in that new role as well, but the change came with zero drama or stress.

Working with Staff

As a manager I constantly worry about burnout on my team. In one-on-one meetings with staff, I usually try to “check in” with them to see how they are doing. It’s not just, “Tell me the facts about your assignments,” but also, “How are you doing? What is going on in your life?” By relating to them personally I can scan for telltale signs. Are they working too much? Are they taking enough time off? Are they experiencing medical issues which could be stress-related? I give them the same time and respect that I want and expect from my own bosses.

When I have staff “on the ledge”, and there have been several over the years, I try to coach and mentor them. That may be talking them through the stressful situation to disarm it, or encouraging healthy behaviors to reduce the stress. Or it may be helping them find a better job fit, hopefully within the company but elsewhere as well.

My field, Technical Support, can be particularly stressful for staff. Customers never call in to say, “Everything is fine; have a great day.” When all you see every day are problems, often reported by customers who may be on the edge of anger, it’s easy to get burned out. One lesson I share is that an upset customer is not going to listen to you until they are done venting. Let the customer say what they need to say, and be supportive with reflective listening skills. Then, and only then, can you start to address the problem at hand. I also urge my staff to take advantage of their days off, take a stretch away from their desks after a stressful call, engage in social activities as a team, and pay attention to self-care.

Epilogue

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr, Lutheran theologian)

That sounds all well-and-good, but I respectfully disagree. There are some things that, if you cannot change them, you should not just suffer them. If you have a wrong person / wrong company situation, then leave. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Recognize bad situations; trust your gut. We spend the majority of our waking hours at work; don’t let it kill you or destroy your personal life. Recognize the signs of burnout and take measures to fix or remove them.

For most of us, who are in “good jobs”, you still need to sharpen the axe and recharge the battery. Getting away from your desk for a walk or lunch gives you time to recover and reset. Getting a good night’s sleep, participating in whatever hobbies you have during your personal time, and enjoying the life that you are working so hard to support, all allow you to bring your best self to work - and survive it.

While writing this paper I saw a meme on LinkedIn which said, “Never destroy your mental and physical health for a company that would terminate you instantly if it meant a few extra cents on their share price.” While that is certainly cynical, the underlying message matches what I am trying to convey here: if the job is killing you, you have an obligation to either fix it or leave and find a healthier place.

Take time to sharpen your axe.