The Breaking Point - What to do when business partners can’t get along

By Allan Tsang

Conflict. We see it all the time in our everyday lives, whether personal or business. Though conflict is all around us, it can be especially damaging to businesses when partners cannot agree. While there are advantages of having differing opinions to chart the right path for a company or to raise capital, the possibility of the partners reaching an impasse due to differences in philosophy, strategy, or even corporate policy, is a threat that has toppled many companies.

I want to give you a very short overview of how to overcome such a scenario using negotiation. When done properly, negotiation can solve almost any problem– providing two or more parties are willing to suspend their spat to understand each other’s position. If you find this helpful or want to know more, I have provided a link to a more in-depth article on this topic (Link here)

Creating the optimal conditions to negotiate

One: De-escalating the conflict

The first step to bridging any disagreement is to de-escalate the conflict. To do so, the following five actions are key:

1. Remember decisions are emotional
2. Slow things down
3. Create space
4. Give them a sense of control
5. Do research

The goal of de-escalation is to calm things down, begin creating the optimal conditions for negotiation and get into a safe spot (see this blog for more on getting to safety in negotiations: http://www.88owls.com/single-post/2016/09/01/Getting-to-Safety-in-Negotiations).

Two:  Listen...See...Write

1. Listen like your life depends on it

You can’t achieve much as business partners without being good listeners. In an argument, no one is listening. If you don’t allow the other party to speak, or you don’t listen to their concerns, you won’t solve the problem. By calming down, taking a break and coming back to the table with research, partners can better hear the concerns of the other party (based on facts), repeat what was heard and, finally, comprehend enough to engage in constructive problem-solving.

2. See things from the other side’s perspective

Learn to see things from the other party’s viewpoint, not see what they see from your own perspective.  To do so, focus on asking good questions, actively listening, paying attention to body language and maintaining good eye contact.  Asking good questions is especially key to uncovering what the other party may initially feel uncomfortable sharing and to discovering what you do not see.  To gather as much information as possible, ask open-ended questions, instead of leading ones.

3. Write to gain clarity

Take notes during negotiations, because writing engages the reasoning part of your brain and has a calming effect, which enables you to think more clearly and assess the root problem of a conflict.  Be sure to write down the problem as you see it and avoid depending on memory to recall information. Re-read your notes to ensure that you remember all important details.

Three:  Reframe and Propose

Your ability to listen deeply and to reframe what the other side sees and feels builds respect and rapport. They feel heard. They feel safe. You will see people physically relax once you listen and reframe what they said back to them accurately.

Once you can correctly reframe the other party’s position, you are ready to propose a solution and offer them the right and opportunity to co-create the ultimate agreement with you.

To see the whole article. Please go here.

Allan Tsang, founder of 88 Owls, is an accredited business advisor, analyst and executive coach. Born in Hong Kong, raised in Africa and educated in the United States, where he currently lives, Allan has helped hundreds of companies around the world use negotiation to achieve success. He can be reached at  [email protected] and www.linkedin.com/in/allantsang.