Baby steps to women power !!

If I could go back in time, I would slap myself and pay more attention to what my wife was going through.

After our wedding, my wife and I agreed to not have a baby until she completed her PhD. But you know what baby photos, friends with new-borns, and nosy relatives can do to one’s mind. At a family gathering, a single question made my wife collapse and cry before everyone. 

Until that day, my assumption was she had been living a peaceful life. I was proud that I was able to sideline my own desire to have a baby and support her. What more could a wife need? 

Her outburst told me there was something wrong. When I asked her, she revealed to me how much she wanted a baby herself; how she aspired to be a good wife and a good mother as much as a good student. And that all that time, she had been feeling suffocated by a family that expected her to stay true to one role at a time.

This discussion was a wake-up call. It shook me up and made me see how she was struggling to hold together her dreams and natural needs, and that it was not impossible to pursue all together.

Next year, in the ninth month of her pregnancy, she walked into IIT-M to defend her thesis.

(*On her 9-th month, 10 days before due date)

(*She is waiting outside the Phd Defence hall , Not outside Labour room :)

She spent the next 8 months not only taking care of the baby but also applying for her post-doc. Her determination to not give up wows me.

Soon she got admitted into Kings College London. That was also when I quit my job to start up.

Before leaving with the baby, she encouraged me to focus on and build my idea. I did not tell her she was my inspiration.

Even now I can’t imagine how she managed the next 2 years with a small child in a place so foreign and far away. 

After her return, while preparing for job interviews, she underwent 2 miscarriages. Even that physical horror did not keep her from going ahead.

Today Dr. Neethu Mariam Joy is an AI scientist in India. She balances her family and work as easily as a tightrope walker. 

A small gesture of understanding and support enabled my wife to achieve big. If you think about it, we worship women for the sacrifices they make for their family. This journey helped me understand that it isn’t necessary for any woman to sacrifice at all. That if the family simply supports her back, she can create magic.