On the alarming number of stories about sexual assault we've heard from the youth #YuvaaRoadshow #TriggerWarning

I have been writing posts about what we learnt from going across the country and listening to students as part of our Yuvaa Roadshow. This time, I'm going to write about something troubling: the number of stories I have heard about sexual assault..

We've been to 18 cities & over 45 colleges. In every college, I give a talk on how stories empower & can be cathartic. I share some of my own stories, and attempt to create safe spaces for students to express. In almost EVERY college, a student has spoken up about sexual assault. It's not just girls, it's also boys. Most of the students who speak up tremble, shiver or cry. Most say it out loud that this is the first ever time they have spoken about this in front of anyone. Some say that they have only entrusted a close friend before. Almost none have told their families..

These are kids aged between 18 to 22 years, and they have typically kept this inside for at least 7 to 12 years. A lot of them have gone through this in their childhood, and many have gone through it multiple times. And they have never been able to speak up because... 'society'.

It's affected these students in many different ways. There's a boy who spoke of having turned a bully, a girl who became uncomfortable with affection, a girl who said that she actually became communicative on all other things because she wanted to some day be able to say this, a girl who did self harm for years after, a boy who found another creative outlet to focus on so he can repress what had happened to him..

It's been shocking and numbing for me to learn that the reason that they hide this from their families is: 

a) Typically, it's an older extended family member who's done this, sometimes even cousins.

b) Some are truly convinced that their families will blame them for it.There are some who don't tell their parents because they want to shield them, and some don't want to 'disappoint' them. They've now realised somewhere that it's not their fault, but how does one speak to parents about sexual assault in a country where parents don't speak about sex at all?

This is a generation brought up on technology and internet access early, has got exposed to sex and porn early, but sex education is still a taboo among families. There's shame in talking about sex and hence there's shame in talking about assault. It's a terribly sad reality.

Unfortunately, in cases where the assaulter is another young relative not much older than them, a couple of times where kids have spoken to me after, they have admitted talking to their assaulters to understand why they did it: and the answer is always to do with trying to 'understand sex'.

The lack of sex education first at home, the lack of an understanding of good and bad touch, the unfortunate taboos around sex plus the victim-shaming has many of our young students suffering in silence for years, and many are going through severe mental health challenges due to this. Most of these kids speak up in front of packed classrooms, even though they haven't been able to tell their closest friends. The reason is that we work hard on creating safe spaces for them in these colleges. And that's all they need: a safe space to express. Someone to listen.

The rare bright spot? In a few cases where these kids have spoken up, they have received immense support from their college mates and from others who have gone through something. A couple even messaged me to say they told their parents and received love and empathy from them ❤️ But I really do wish we would start educating our kids about sex and empowering them.. not failing them in this way.