AAPI Heritage Month: Speak out

In a recent “zoom room” a fellow participant went on a rant about “those Chinese” stealing IP. I was the only person of AAPI descent in the room. 

“Excuse me,” I said, “What do you mean by ‘those Chinese’?”

He continued his rant.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “You're talking about more than a billion people. There is no ‘Chinese’ like a monolith.”

I shared an example I thought he could relate to: how does he feel when folks talk about “those Americans” as if we’re all the same. I also appealed to him as a person who wished well for folks in the world. Eventually, he said he would consider my remarks, and we moved on. 

My heart was racing. My face was flushed. I felt like I had just finished a grueling race. And yet, I prefer that to silence. 

There can be a lot of perceived benefits to silence. There are also costs. Silence is a protective act -- to protect oneself from harm. Yet, the harm has already been done. 

Why do I have to be the one to speak up?

Speaking up matters, but you don’t have to be the one all the time. In the midst of rising AAPI hate, the pandemic and an uncertain future, we need to give ourselves permission to that protection when we need it. Sometimes real harm can result from speaking up, and self preservation, as activist Audre Lorde wrote, can be an “act of political warfare.”

But sometimes speaking up is what is needed.

Here is some good news. Speaking up can help you. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck and London Business School professor Aneeta Rattan conducted a series of studies on responses to these negative interactions: silence or confrontation. They discovered benefits for the person speaking up. “...when participants both held a growth mindset and confronted the bias, they felt better about the person who made the biased comment and thus retained their belonging and satisfaction at work.”

Speaking up can help reset expectations for others of what is appropriate, and it can also help you.

Speaking up 

I’ve learned that the more I practice, the more I gain confidence in creating positive outcomes from speaking up. Each time I speak up, I take one step up the long road to a future of a world without identity-based othering. 

One of the many problems with the model minority stereotype is that it can pit folks from underrepresented groups against one another in an effort to be “adjacent” to whiteness. In the end, it moves us farther from our aims of freedom rather than closer to them.

Here is a challenge I’ve accepted. If I have any privilege, then use it on behalf of speaking up. It’s a tricky, nuanced thing. Don’t do this as a savior, but rather as an ally. 

Strategies for speaking up

Sometimes folks don’t speak up because they don’t know what to say. Here are some starting points for members of the AAPI community, allies and advocates.

• Start with curiosity. This enables you to meet the person where they are. If their intention was good but their impact was nonetheless negative, curiosity can help you bridge that gap. Try asking, “What did you mean by that?” 
• Share your perspective using “I” statements. When you share about the impact to you or others, you are focusing on how the words landed, not on why it was said. Try, “Can I share how I experienced that remark?” 
• Use data to show that this is not just personal but also part of a larger dynamic. You can share about the Asian “no problem problem” that keeps us from advocating change.
• Speak to shared values. Folks are less likely to deny racial privilege when they first engage with their values, shows research by Brian Lowery. You can try, “Change is hard and complicated, but I believe it’s important to strive towards. Does that resonate for you? Why do you say is it important?”

While the choice to speak up happens in the moment, the impact of not speaking up persists as inequity. I invite you to join me in shifting the conversation so all folks can be valued exactly as they are. You might also be setting a new norm for others of speaking up, not silence.

This is the fourth article I've written for #aapiheritage month. The first names the problem of AAPI inequality. The second explores the cost of fitting in. And the third is on bias in AAPI advancement.