6 to Success - April 2024

6 to Success - April 2024

Welcome! In case you haven’t read 6toSuccess before, here’s what to expect. Every month, I post six abbreviated leadership insights or tips. I’ll also answer your questions in a column and share some of my publications and media appearances. I invite you to read 6 to Success and share your thoughts or questions.

Navigating Workplace Relationships

This month, we’re going to explore one of the most enriching (and sometimes fraught) elements of the professional world — relationships. How should we navigate the ever-delicate line between camaraderie and professionalism? How do we balance workplace hierarchies with an open and transparent culture? In what way do the relationships we forge as leaders set the tone for the office?  We’ll explore these questions and more.

ONE

(Tip) Great Relationships Come from Professionalism.

Some of my dearest friends started as colleagues, yet the relationship fundamentally and necessarily changed when I entered leadership positions. I understood the need to establish and maintain boundaries to keep the atmosphere fair, respectful, and professional.

Over the years, I’ve had some great relationships with my teams. But it was because we always kept it professional — not despite professionalism. That doesn’t mean we were robotic and cold, of course. There was plenty of laughter, care, and honesty. But everyone seemed to know where the line was, and when it was respected, things ran smoothly.

Every leader might draw that line a bit differently, and some colleagues may require it more than others, but there are a few essential elements that all healthy workplace relationships rest on. Let’s take a look at them…

TWO

(MEDIA) Fairness Rewards Good Work and Gives Everyone a Chance.

Imagine an office where employees feel like their boss, Martha, privileges her “friends'' over the rest of the team. We could expect that as a result of this unfairness, employees learn that merit doesn’t matter. So, if Martha doesn’t like them, there's no reason to do more than the bare minimum.

That’s what unfairness does in workplace relationships.

If we aren’t rewarding good work and instead resort to favoritism for projects and promotions, how can we expect our team to be motivated? Fairness establishes trust. When your team knows you give everyone a fair shot and always celebrate their hard-won victories, you validate their effort rather than ignore it.

How fair is your workplace?

THREE

(ARTICLE) Leading with Humility Establishes Trust.

Imagine Bill is a stereotypical drill-sergeant boss. He’s so worried about looking incompetent that he overcompensates by “laying down the law.” Here’s the problem: Bill’s excessive and unproductive disciplining doesn’t help his employees. In fact, it means they have to work around Bill to actually get things done.

This wouldn’t be the case with a humble leader — someone who isn’t afraid to ask questions, brainstorm with employees, and use positional authority (Bill calls it laying down the law only when needed). If there’s a concerning development in the market or a risk of losing a big client, employees of a drill-sergeant boss would hide this development for fear of an overreaction or displaced blame.

Yet those same employees would know they can trust a humble leader, particularly one who has modeled their own failures and uncertainty in the past. Rather than hiding the truth, a productive brainstorming session would ensue, and the team could collaborate when it’s needed most.

Have you worked with a mercurial boss before?

Check out my recent article published in the HR Daily Advisor about dealing with Mercurial CEOs.

FOUR

(MEDIA) Unifying Relationships Lead to Respectful, Motivated Teams.

Here’s a less common but no less important pattern I’ve seen. Some leaders, often those with the traits we’ve mentioned so far, are able to unify their teams around goals and run toward them together. The result is a largely autonomous team who, due to mutual respect and mutual investment in the business, don’t need to be forced to work. They want to excel, and they want to help one another excel.

This article from the Harvard Business Reviews explores the significance of leading from positivity and kindness.

The alternative is a leader who can’t rally their team together, doesn’t earn their respect, and doesn’t reward effort. The result is having to pull them up the hill or doll out punitive measures to push them up it (like Bill), both of which further erode the team’s relationship to the boss.

The difference between these two leaders isn’t made overnight. The first leader has a unifying relationship with their team. This is the result of “walking the talk,” of always being an empathic listener, of vouching for hard workers, and of squashing unfair or mean-spirited patterns when they emerge.  In short, it’s the sum total of all the relationships, big and small, we have with our teams.

FIVE

(TIP) About Tension Between Employees?

When two strong personalities clash, it can be a wrench in a well-oiled machine. Suddenly, unproductive rivalries appear, passive-aggressive comments fly, and new projects stop being opportunities to do good work and start becoming opportunities to make others feel small.

How leaders respond to these rivalries, whether they’re loud and clear or subtle, will have a big impact on the boss-team relationship. Ignoring or downplaying the problem can make you seem aloof, uncaring, or even encouraging of this behavior.

But a leader who is plugged-in to the day-to-day realities of their team will spot unhealthy rivalries and solve them with empathy and tact. By addressing these conflicts openly, leaders further establish themselves as trustworthy, empathetic, and unifying leaders who are invested in the wellbeing of the team.

SIX

(PODCAST) Positive Abrasion is the key to healthier conversations

In the landscape of professional development, the art of conversation is a gold mine of opportunity and growth. However, the path to productive dialogue is often obstructed by the fear of potential conflict and the emotional turbulence it may stir. That’s where my concept of Positive Abrasion comes into play, a methodology I've honed through facilitating hundreds of workshops aimed at enhancing collaborative efforts in the workplace.

Positive Abrasion is not about avoiding tough conversations; it’s about strategically engaging in them. This approach leans into the discomfort of potential conflict, using it as a catalyst for growth and improved teamwork. Through targeted verbal and non-verbal communication strategies, Positive Abrasion facilitates a space where constructive confrontation leads to evolved ways of working together.

Check out this incredible podcast episode of  “The Anxious Achiever.”  Morra Aarons-Mele and Amy Gallo discuss how to make conflict a force for good in your work relationships. 

Unlike traditional conflict-avoidance or passive communication tactics, Positive Abrasion encourages a proactive stance. Drawing parallels to the principles of Crucial Conversations, it goes a step further by not only addressing the crucial points of discussion but also by harnessing the dynamic tension that arises, transforming it into a force for collective advancement.

In my workshops, participants learn to navigate and manage the nuances of challenging dialogue, fostering an environment where abrasive moments become the bedrock for innovation and strengthened relationships. Positive Abrasion is more than a communication technique; it's a transformative journey that redefines the norms of workplace interactions, paving the way for a more cohesive and resilient organizational culture.

Embrace the power of Positive Abrasion. If you’re interested in learning more about it, contact me.

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