4 WORDS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR CAREER (AND YOUR LIFE)

"So, what are you going to say this afternoon?” My mentor followed me into my office as I hurried in with an armful of files, moving eagerly toward my cup of coffee that I hoped would help me through the morning. “What’s that?” I said pleasantly, but admittedly distracted. He repeated, "what are you going to say at your meeting with Jan this afternoon?" I gave him a curious look and then said, "well, you know, I'm going to tell her that things are really busy and I'm hoping she can take over the Davis file." I honestly thought that was the end of it, but as I went to turn back to my pile of work I was stopped cold by these words:

"What is your intention?"

I looked at him blankly. 

"What do you mean?", I asked. "I'm hoping she can..."

"No!" He said in an abrupt yet thoughtful way. "What is your intention? What do you want to happen? What do you want her to do?"

The light went on. In that moment I realized that, in an effort to avoid the discomfort of not being liked (okay, let's be honest - I was afraid of being called a "b-i-t-c-h") I was hiding my intentions through "hopes" and "likes" and "wishes" instead of being straightforward about what I needed and what must be done to meet that need. I was being wishy-washy and, instead of gaining fans, it was affecting my ability to lead and was leaving me overworked and emotionally exhausted. 

Sound familiar? 

WHAT IS YOUR INTENTION?

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” - Mark Twain.

Would you like to write a book, or do you intend to write a book? 

Do you wish to lose 10 pounds, or do you intend to lose 10 pounds?

Are you hoping for a promotion, or do you intend to seek a promotion?

Are you trying to run a successful business, or do you intend to run a successful business?

How do these statements make you feel? Powerful? Anxious? Motivated? Emotional? 

Why?

INTENTION IN LANGUAGE LEADS TO INTENTION IN LIFE

"...intention precedes every thought and every action, and the outcome of your experiences is determined by the intention." - Oprah Winfrey

The definition of intention is a determination or plan to do a specific thing. That being the case, when we state that we intend to do something, we are telling our brains that (clear) action will follow. Alternatively, when we state that we would like to do something, we have told our brains that there is no real commitment. The cold hard truth is that if we say we intend to do something and continue not to do it, our brains are going to demand an explanation. We will be forced to look at our actions and really ask "why?" In some cases, it's because we've chosen a daydream and not a goal. Phew! We are now free to stop punishing ourselves and remove it from our goal list. It doesn't belong there and beating ourselves up about it is just a distraction from our real goals. If, however, we can't let it go, we're going to have to face the real issue: fear. 

WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF?

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.” - Helen Keller

As I said earlier, my fear of not being liked was keeping me from speaking and leading with intention. I wanted to encourage others to reach for greatness but was sabotaging my goal as a waffling leader does not inspire greatness. Should leaders be supportive? Yes. Thoughtful? Yes. Willing to take responsibility? For sure. Wishy-washy when things are uncomfortable? Nope. 

Change requires change and will always feel uncomfortable. The worst part is that we create paralysis in the mind before we even physically begin as we're afraid of coming close to our greatest fear of all. I've heard many versions of it over the years. Let's see if you can discover what it is in these examples below: 

"What if my friends think I'm judging them because I want to eat healthy?"

"What if my spouse gets annoyed when I make my writing, not the laundry, a priority?"

"What if I make more money and my friends stop liking me because they think I'm stuck up?"

"What if people think I'm a bad mother because I want to go to the gym by myself after work?"

"What if people think I'm selfish for declining an invitation to go to a party?"

"What if I try a new approach and my colleagues think I'm a flake?"

"What if I become successful and people assume it's only because the boss likes me, not because I'm smart?"

Notice a common theme? 

After years of helping thousands of people level up in their careers, I can tell you that the biggest fear for women isn't failure, it's judgement. The worst part is that the judgment we fear is our own.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

"Everything that happens in the universe starts with an intention." - Deepak Chopra

When I finally met with Jan and told her my intention was to have her oversee the Davis file, she may very well have thought I was a b-i-t-...well, you already know. At the end of the day, however, that was the work that needed to be done and I had no control over Jan's personal feelings about me. Read that again: I HAD NO PERSONAL CONTROL OVER HER FEELINGS. Since that was the case, it was time for me to pour myself into the very things I could control - my own words, thoughts, and actions.

Intention is an ongoing internal conversation. It requires daily consideration and, if we're lucky, we're never done. Each time we dare to look inside and ask, "what is my intention?" and "does this action line up with my intention?" we develop the courage we need to grow. To live lives filled with purpose and heart and integrity. To find out what we're really made of and leave a legacy of bravery in action. To model what it means to live and work from an authentically powerful place. 

So...what is your intention?

If you need help uncovering it, I'm here to help.