"Who was the first woman on the moon, Dad?" Having to tell her "no woman" broke my heart. I didn't understand this invisible pain women experience until I had daughters. Most men don't understand what it is to live in a world where you have so few role models. And if you're a woman and queer or a POC, the role models are even fewer. Sometimes non-existent. Men don't consider the amount of willpower it takes to imagine yourself in places where women don't exist or are only token hires. All men see is men in the places they want to be. Women are 51 percent of the population. They are the only majority in the world treated like a minority. POTUS? No woman yet. Head of NASA? Boys club. Fortune 500 CEOS? Only 52 of 500 (highest ever) GMs of MLB & NFL? 62 teams. 1 woman. Do you know what we've been communicating to women? "If you're lucky or extraordinary, men might let you have a piece of the pie." NO. I teach my daughters there is no compromise. The future is female. The future is a whole new spectrum of gender and possibility. Men have held onto this world by mediocrity and force. If men want a piece of the future, maybe it's time they get lucky or extraordinary. But it's not a zero sum game. It's not about women replacing men. This is an "all ships rise" scenario. --> If we invest in more female founders --> If we continue inclusive remote work --> If we stop penalizing pregnancy --> If we elect female leaders with new approaches --> If we stop seeing certain jobs as men's jobs I promise you the world will be so much different and better, there will be so much more opportunity for women and men, that we'll wonder why we ever tried to hold onto the old world. When my daughter, who was 7 years old at the time, learned that no woman had been on the moon, she took a deep breath and said to me: "Okay. I guess I'll have to be the first." Damn straight you will.
TO EVERYONE - THANK YOU! Your response has been humbling and I'm deeply grateful that so many of you resonated with these words. Everything I wrote has been said before by smarter, braver people than me and most of them were women. Thank you for supporting my girls and their dreams and the world I want them to grow up in. I know how hard all of you are working to make that world a reality. Though I have my own dreams and ambitions (I'm a playwright & social impact creative director), I hope to spend my energies carving out a bigger space for women in this world because I believe that's the future we need.
May I also add: --> If we see women as more than just objects, more than just moms, wives, girlfriends, daughters, nieces, aunts or who we are in relation to men, as whole people who are experts in our own right that men can and should be learning from I have worked in tech my entire career. And I cannot tell you how many times men make assertions AT me, when they should be asking me questions about how and why I am able to do things that they are not able to do without my guidance. It's not just the sexual harassment; it's the intellectual harassment. It needs to stop.
Having a daughter who's 14 I totally get it, and it's ironic because as I'm sure you've witnessed boys can often be such knuckleheads compared to girls... even into adulthood! Next time tell her "No human has been on the moon in over 50 years BUT we're only just over a year away!" The next planned manned trip to the moon is Artemis II, scheduled for September 2025. This mission will include the first woman to walk on the moon, along with three other astronauts, including a Canadian Space Agency astronaut Reid Wiseman: NASA commander Victor Glover: NASA pilot, the first person of color to leave Earth orbit Christina Koch: NASA mission specialist, the first woman to leave Earth orbit Jeremy Hansen: Canadian Space Agency astronaut, the first non-American This might bust her bubble about being first woman on the moon but there are so many more amazing firsts to be conquered!
As a woman I do see your point. I thought it may be worth reviewing what happens that many women do not choose to take many roles. (By default we are less aggressive, but that’s not the main reason.) We become mothers! As amazing and extraordinary as it is, it also brings tons of obligations that specially for the first 2 years of the child’s life it’s a huge project by itself. In most families I have met it is the mother who thinks about: whether the family is having a good balanced nutrition, does everyone have proper clothes (considering size, season, occasion..), do our children have good friends/connections, when is the next vaccine they should receive .. The list is endless. I’m afraid the majority of women care about some details in such planning that men mostly don’t (or we tend to think they don’t), so we see the need to be the one who takes charge at home doing many tasks, or at least the planning of tasks to make sure they happen. And it's so exhausting that it doesn’t leave much time and energy to expand and dream about what role(s) I'd like to take in the society. I know I haven’t spoken on behalf of all women, but for many of us that is the case.
I'm not certain whether this is so touching based on your daughter's brave reaction, or the fact that the country she is growing up with is continuing to erode her basic autonomy, those very rights that make that dream to be the first woman on the moon possible. I worry about the girls, the non-binary children, the BIPOC children and the trans girls and boys. That includes my own non-binary child. Based on the oppressive and suppressive policies and laws that are being enshrined in federal, state and local governments--laws that erode their rights, or their identities, or that deny their existence as human beings--I worry that their hopes for the future will be dashed by a government that so boldly and persistently claims they stand for "liberty and justice for all."
Fully agree with these sentiments James Best. I worked 22 years for a company that was inclusive, progressive and family-oriented in so many respects ... yet so far in over 125 years no woman has made it onto the governing board (at least to my knowledge). Please tell your daughters that the old world is hanging by a thread in more ways than just gender stereotyping and there is a powerful wave building that will ensure that they see a different one rising up in their lifetime.
I’ve always said that Girl Dads are the feminists who can change the word.
Either that or you could’ve been like “Dr. Stephanie Polachekz MD from Maddison, WI! she was awesome… anyway, who wants pizza?!?!” Then 50 years from now she will be like “my dad must have really loved me to shelter me from the awful world we lived in.” This is known as the neglectful long con. Probably wouldn’t get much further than the college entry essay when she talks about Dr. Polacheckz and what an inspiration she was though… second thought, I like your approach better.
This: But it's not a zero sum game. It's not about women replacing men. This is an "all ships rise" scenario. --> If we invest in more female founders --> If we continue inclusive remote work --> If we stop penalizing pregnancy --> If we elect female leaders with new approaches --> If we stop seeing certain jobs as men's jobs I promise you the world will be so much different and better, there will be so much more opportunity for women and men, that we'll wonder why we ever tried to hold onto the old world. ...is exactly IT. Love this and thank you! Ps: your daughters are very lucky!
Creative Director & TV Writer | Conceptual, Branding, Experiential, Film
6moSalma Harfouche 🐮 I did it like you said. I actually posted a picture of myself and not just funny internet cartoons. (though I brought cuter faces than mine to distract from my mug)