Why is "How can I help?" sometimes met with negativity? It breaks my heart to see this phrase create resistance. I'm a strong advocate for collaborative coding and shedding the "I have to know it all" mentality. Honesty and vulnerability about what we don't know saves time and creates better results! I understand some teams might not feel comfortable asking for help. However, I want to foster an environment where admitting you need assistance is STRENGTH, not weakness. If I can help, I will. And if I can't, that's an excellent chance for all of us to learn and grow together! #coding #collaboration #teamwork #growthmindset #codehelp #programming #softwaredevelopment #safespace
Because you imply they need help?
I remember a science fiction story that said, "In the future, the phrase 'I love you' will be surpassed by 'How can I help?'" We may be looking at a revolution in business and society. Kindness and humility will be differentiators that generate more money, leaving a trail of happiness instead of destruction.
Because it's annoying. You are not going to change how people feel about it. If anything, it's a matter of trust. If people don't trust you, they won't want your help. So how do you get them to trust you? Don't try to foster anything. Let them be. It takes time to believe that you respect people's boundaries. Then, one day, without you asking this annoying question, people will come to you.
In addition to what others have said, there is also a belief that there is an ulterior motive behind the offer to help. This goes along with what building trust and developing a relationship. If I have built a solid relationship with someone where I know they are wanting me to be better it is safe to accept help. However, if I don't have much of a relationship with that person or I have observed that person to be inauthentic or manipulative with others it would not be safe to accept help from them.
It's not right, but often hurt people hurt people. When people are helpless they often vent and/or displace their pain before recognizing who is genuinely there to help. Most times people need reassurance that someone will be there for them even when things get tough, that they can relate/understand, and that they are on the same side.
This is because we exchange vulnerability for trust. But it works the other way. Try “can you help me”. And then explain that you have the exact same problem that you have observed.
I prefer the question, "What do you need to be successful?" Shifts the focus a bit.
Continuous Improvement requires honesty and respect. If those two are not present in a team it will be hard to improve. I would work on trust within the team before I would work on anything else.
Consummate Code Crafter
7moThere is also this that Kody Fintak just reminded me of and that Ashley Johnson introduced me to.