Mark Manson’s Post

This is definitely true for judgement - but also for everything a person is saying. If you learn how to listen closely, people tell you so much about their beliefs, upbringing, limitations and whatnot. Unfortunately 99% of what you hear is not what the person said - unless you learned to listen properly. Want proof? Ask a person a question, listen to their answer and ask them what the question was they are answering. Almost 100% of my questions don't get answered, but give me some information the person wanted to share anyway.

It's a good reminder to not get too offended when engaging with someone. Half, the time, the other party is just projecting their own problems and insecurities onto you.

Of course, reflecting on what our judgments say about us is a sign of emotional maturity. However, this sort of "monolithic" framing is misleading. Should I judge a person based on their behavior as a risk to myself or others? That is called discernment. I want to teach my child to trust their instincts, make sound judgments and stay safe. This kind of new age generalization would put all people in all circumstances on a level playing field and that is not reality.

Unsubstantiated judgement or superficial judgment I could agree this is true. We all have the ideal person we would like to either be or see. Our judgements are based on our perception of what we think an ideal person should be. We all are constantly judging wether we admit it or not. The outcome of these judgements is determined by our ability to interpret and ultimately cast out our own judgment into words and/or actions and how they are received. Everyone’s perfection is different. With deeper understanding comes better judgement.

Ipso facto, your judgments of people say more about you than anything else. I tend to judge people harshly for not being efficient or thinking things through. With enough reflection, I realised I'm way too hard on myself for the smallest of mistakes and tend to act on impulse after overthinking for too long. Being compassionate to yourself means you're compassionate towards others.

Other people's judgments stem from their unique set of values, shaped by their experiences and priorities. They often have ways of being that might not align with yours.

Which makes this hyper-triggered world all the more baffling. Why would you purposefully give away your power (by being offended) to someone who means nothing to you?! Just give them a smile and walk off whistling a happy tune.

I'm the beginning of every conversation it's 50/50 and then when the context raises the percentages changes. I agree that in the case of judgements whoever is judging has the initiative so whatever they are saying has to do with them and not the other party!

100% of peoples judgements are a reflection of them. We may triggor, and there may be some truth, but people own their judgements.

I completely agree. Our focus should be on our own growth, not others' perceptions.