Darcie Tanner’s Post

Being hard on ourselves doesn't help a difficult situation. This isn't to say "let yourself off the hook", but you can still learn from mistakes or hardships without putting yourself down further. Another way of putting it, has being hard on yourself worked so far? It's natural and normal to reflect and self-assess after making a mistake or when in a difficult moment, but holding ourselves compassion allows us to self reflect and then move forward in a way where we can learn from what we've done and give ourselves grace in doing so. Rather than kicking ourselves, putting ourselves down, and getting stuck in all the darkness and criticism. As with all things this is easier said than done, but what might it be like to try? . . “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay . . #therapy #therapyinstagram #instaquote #quote #quotes #kindness #kind #compassion #grace #selfblame #stuck #moveon #therapistofinstagram #emilyduffytherapy #fibrotherapist #endotherapist #spoonietherapist #therapist #queertherapist #lgbttherapist #lookafteryourself #bekindtoyourself #therapyworks #therapistlife #ambitherapist #identitytherapist #uk #uktherapist #counsellor https://lnkd.in/e9_nrRc8

'Many people find it hard to let go, to not have the last word, or to go to bed without having convinced their partners of their logic or essential goodness. Some people will think they are weak if they withdraw from the battle or allow their partners’ accusations to hang in the air, uncontested. Many believe that if they could just get their spouses to admit to being wrong, then the problem would be solved and emotional equilibrium would be restored. Others become so angry that they cannot stop attacking. These are considerable challenges, especially for adversarial couples when neither partner wants to retreat. For these couples, timeouts can be singularly beneficial—including in preventing physical violence as their cycles escalate. For all couples, timeouts will be employed more often and more successfully after therapists spend some time discussing the couple’s specific emotional roadblocks to using them.' A Roadmap for Couple Therapy, Arthur Nielsen #couples #timeouts #adversarialcouples

Dating can be exciting, but it’s also a time to stay aware. Spotting potential red flags early on can save you from heartache later. Are you noticing inconsistent behavior, lack of respect, or controlling tendencies? Pay attention to these signs—they matter. Which red flags do you think are most important to watch for? Share your thoughts below! ❤️ #DatingAdvice #RedFlagsInDating #HealthyRelationships #SelfWorth #BoundariesMatter #RelationshipGoals #KnowYourWorth #DatingTips #LoveSmart #healthylove #relationshiptherapist #marriagecounselor #psychotherapist #newjersey

Many smart, successful women believe it's their empathy that makes them attractive to narcissistic or low quality relationships.    More than 75% of people who are "empathetic" have unhealed past trauma.    Unhealed trauma will imprint your brain and body to be more sensitive to vocal tones, facial expressions and perceived rejection or abandonment.  But empathy isn't the driving trait that keeps you in low quality relationships.  It's your fear of abandonment.  Fear of abandonment is actually what makes many driven women so successful. At the heart of her striving and achieving is a deep, subconscious fear that she's unloveable.   And she may therefore believe she has to PROVE her value... Keep in mind, much of this is subconscious.  If this resonates for you, and you repeatedly wind up in low quality relationships (that don't start off that way, by the way)...and this keeps happening no matter how much traditional talk therapy or time off dating you've had... In my free Masterclass, I give you the 5 CORE shifts to make in your psychology to heal past trauma, trust issues and attract the healthy relationship you want (while loving you and your life completely in the process).    Comment VIDEO to get direct access. #traumainformed #datingover40 #codependencyrecovery #narcissisticabuserecovery #datingafterdivorce #successfulwomen #emotionallyunavailable #datingafternarcissisticabuse #dating #dating #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshipadviceforwomen #balancedlife #burnoutrecovery #traumahealing #healingjourney #breakthecycle #selflove #selfdiscovery #trustyourintuition #trustyourself #selfempowerment #healingfromwithin #prioritizeyourself

Just because it's common doesn't make it healthy. These family patterns might feel familiar, but they're silently shaping your emotional world: 1. Using guilt as a control mechanism - "After all I've done for you..." 2. Emotional responsibility falling on children - Being the family therapist by the age 10 3. Dismissing feelings to 'keep the peace' - "Let's not bring that up again" 4. Conditional love based on achievement - Love feels earned, not given 5. Never discussing uncomfortable truths - The elephant in the room becomes your roommate. These aren't just 'family quirks.' They're generational patterns that create deep emotional footprints in your subconscious. The good news? Once you see them, you can change them. Your family story doesn't have to be your future story. Comment "FLAME" for instant access to my stress-release technique - because breaking free from old patterns starts with one small step. ⚡️ #emotions #trauma #mentalhealth

Imagine how different life would be... If we hadn't been conditioned to believe our bodies or appearance were flawed. If we didn't wake up each morning critiquing our reflection. If we pursued our dreams without the weight of appearance anxiety. Just imagine. As a psychotherapist specialising in body image, I've seen countless women held back by the belief that they're not enough. That they need to be more of this, less of that. But what if we could break free from these limiting beliefs? I love this quote by Rupi Kaur As we head into the weekend, I invite your reflections, If you could speak to your younger self, what would you tell them is the most important lesson about self-worth and/or how they treat their body? #BodyNeutrality #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth

3 Patterns That Keep Daddyless Daughters in Toxic Relationships Growing up as a daddyless daughter, I often chose partners who mirrored my father’s emotional unavailability without even realizing it. These patterns can keep us stuck in toxic cycles. Here are three to watch for: 1️⃣ Chasing Validation – Seeking constant reassurance to prove you’re lovable or worthy. 2️⃣ Ignoring Red Flags – Overlooking unhealthy behaviors because you fear being alone. 3️⃣ Confusing Love with Chaos – Associating drama or inconsistency with passion, instead of stability. 🗣 If any of these patterns feel familiar, know that you can break free. Awareness is the first step toward choosing healthier, more fulfilling relationships. 🖊 Tool: Write down one red flag you’ve ignored in the past and explore why it felt acceptable at the time. This clarity can help you set better standards moving forward. #DaddylessDaughters #ToxicRelationships #HealingJourney"

"I can’t let go of my old clothes. I think I have attachment issues." This was an actual comment someone shared during a conversation on emotional attachments. It might seem like a casual remark, but it highlights a bigger conversation we need to have: What are attachment issues, and how do they truly impact our lives? Whether it’s a place, person, or even a past experience, attachment issues can shape our decisions, relationships, and well-being in profound ways. Swipe through the document below to learn more, and feel free to drop any questions in the comments. #Attachmentissues #mentalhealth #mentalwellbeing

Many years ago I had a partner that would always flirt with other men. I was already pretty insecure, and her behaviour made me go crazy with jealousy. One time we went on a trip, and a guy was making a move on her. They both disappeared behind a building. I saw the man give her a piece of paper with his number. After I confronted her, she gaslighted me about the situation, even though there was evidence. This was when I realized that yes I was insecure, but I also had a partner that was triggering those feelings. We were not compatible, and that was a hard pill to swallow. Because I loved that woman a lot. However, if you can't trust someone to be loyal. What's the point of having a life partner? That type of behaviour unless you're in a non-monogamous relationship is unacceptable. Unfortunately, so many guys and women get stuck with partners that cheat, flirt and hurt them. The best thing to do is to let these partners go. You may hurt for a while. But if you work on healing and personal development. You will discover why you're attracted to non-faithful partners. It all stems from Childhood Trauma, and these toxic patterns can be reversed. Don't settle for just having an attachment. If your partner keeps hurting you, and they're not aligned with your core values. Do what's right by your heart. Let them go, learn from this and create higher standards for yourself. Eventually, you will find the right partner, and that person will help you heal your trust issues. I'm happily married now, and I'm no longer jealous. We can all break this cycle. 🙏 (The beautiful lady in the picture is my wife, and not my ex girlfriend FYI.) #business #wellness #selfcare #healingjourney

Your kid is psychic. So you might THINK that you’re doing a super duper awesome job of appearing all casual-like, as though you don’t care not one little whit if they pass, fail, or break up with the terrible girlfriend. But you’re not fooling anyone. The judgment you’re trying so desperately to keep under wraps is leaking and they know. They just know, and what you’re not saying is so loud, it’s screaming. So what’s a parent to do? Oh. You have to actually work on that judgment. Shoot. You have to work on that mindset. Ugh. You have to look at your kid differently. Well. That’s a tall order. But let’s make one thing abundantly clear: if there’s anyone who can sniff, from a mile away, whether you’ve done the work, it’s your kid. Sorry to deliver the bad news. But the only way out is through. Is there any way you can think positively about this situation? Any way you can reframe? That’s the work. That’s the mind shift that needs to happen. You can do it! If you need parenting support, just reach out ❤️ Me #parentingpointers #parentcoach #parentingisforever #parentingwithradicalacceptance #kidsarepsychic #judgment