Brian Rumao’s Post

Do you know your blind spots ? 1. Do you resist feedback ? 2. Are you too busy to listen ? 3. Are you a know it all ? 4. Do you seek input from limited sources ? 5. Do you shut people out to protect your feelings ? 6. Do you get defensive when you give feedback ? 7. Do you seek feedback from people only with status? 8. Do you let your ego stop you from requesting input ? 9. Do you surround yourself from “yes” people ? 10. Do you think that negative feedback is another way of saying “ you failed “ ?

Feedback is a gift when received and an art when given. When receiving feedback: 1. Express gratitude: Start by thanking the person for their feedback. It shows appreciation for their effort to help you grow. 2. Take the time to reflect: Take a moment to consider the feedback. How does it align with your development goals and plan? 3. Do not take it personally: This might be challenging, but try not to take feedback personally. Remember, the giver's approach might not perfectly align with your preferred style of receiving feedback, and their awareness of this dynamic might be limited. When giving feedback: 1. Focus on growth: Remember, the purpose of feedback is not to highlight your perspective but to aid in someone else's development. 2. Adapt your approach: Tailor your feedback to match the recipient's style. It's not just what you say but how you say it that can make a difference. How can you help your team members navigate feedback and use it as a powerful tool for growth and improvement?

I read recently that we should not take feedback from people we wouldn’t go to for advice. Reflecting on this, I think it is can be a great way to reframe hurtful or factually incorrect feedback. We know our brains have finely honed negativity biases which historical have helped to keep us alive (and sometimes awake at 2am), and so negative feedback is going to stick with us in a way that positive feedback never does. While feedback is a gift, and it is vital for growth and development, sometimes negative feedback can be more about the person providing the it than the person receiving it. Questions: - When you are giving feedback, do you think about how the feedback will be received (i.e. the type of gift you are giving - to extend the metaphor further)? - What if the negative feedback is from someone who you would go to for advice?

Feedback. The general. The concrete. The half. The good. The bad. The neutral. The solicited. The unsolicited. The overheard. It is loud and yet silent. You cannot ignore it as it echoes in your head. And you cannot converse with it leaving you holding an one sided conversation as you attempt to look at all perspectives. So what do you do with feedback? Pray. Doubt. Cheer. Walk away? And when does feedback become a gift? Maybe when it causes you to become better in your tomorrow than you were in a yesterday; and it enhances your ability to walk beside another.

Since there are so many people giving feedback and we all have our own flaws, it can feel like feedback can trigger us in countless ways, but here is the good news: there are actually only three main triggers. The first trigger is called the Truth Trigger. The Truth Trigger is set off by the content of the feedback itself. If the feedback seems off, unhelpful, or just plain wrong, we tend to feel indignant, wronged and exasperated. This trigger hits the core of us, it hits, who we think we are. The second trigger is called the Relationship Trigger. The relationship trigger is set off by the person who gives the feedback.  Relationship triggers are influenced by the relationship between the giver of the feedback and the receiver. The third trigger is called the Identity Trigger.  This trigger hits the core of us, it hits, who we think we are.  This trigger can knock us off balance, we may feel threatened or overwhelmed. If we feel wronged by the feedback we have received, or you don’t feel you can trust the person isn’t that normal and reasonable? It Is. But here is the thing… Triggered reactions don’t affect our career because they are wrong or unreasonable, they affect our career because we don’t engage skilfully in a conversation about the feedback. #feedback #leadershipcoaching

Feedback is a gift any way you look at it. Agree or not? I agree, especially in today's environment where we often don't share it, massage or couch our words, or are afraid to give it at all. Giving feedback shows that we care enough to do it. I'd argue it's riskier than ever to give feedback from the sender's perspective. Recognize and appreciate that. Sometimes the relationship may be new or unclear, and that may cause some confusion, but I find it rare that someone giving feedback has malicious intent. And when you receive feedback, thank them. Ask clarifying questions and encourage them to give more. An even deeper relationship might emerge.

Want to give better feedback? Unlock immense potential with this one change to how you approach your feedback: Personally, I rely on models such as SBIR to share my feedback. They help me to structure my thoughts and focus on behavioral observations rather than my own conclusions and (wrong) perceptions. On top, I go into any preparation of feedback with this one question in mind: will the person receiving the feedback take away *at least one profound insight with positive impact for them*? If my feedback cannot do that it's not well-meaning or well-working feedback. What helps you share better feedback?

Nothing is more valuable than Feedback, but how does it differ from critics? Very often critic comes from those who do not value what you do, or who might even just want to damage your motivation, or are jealous. So be sure to evaluate very closely what you get, as not always something which looks like feedback is not hidden useless criticism. And when it comes to criticism it's always good to check the trouth and value behind it, but often enough it's better to just shake it of. Let's discuss in the comments what's your opinion on Feedback vs. Criticism

When feedback hits a nerve, it is a sign. There are 2 parts to this: 1. We tend to internalize the feedback. We fail to consciously remember that the feedback is limited to one particular aspect and not for all of the US. 2.  What if the real issue isn’t the feedback itself, but what it’s revealing about you? Blame is the opposite of responsibility. If the feedback feels like a burden rather than a growth opportunity, remember that’s on you, not them. Even if their feedback isn’t helpful, your reaction is your own responsibility because the way you react tells how you see yourself. So, ask yourself: 🟡What does this feedback make me feel?  🟡 What does it say about me? 🟡 What am I lying to myself about here? You’ll figure out. 

I used to struggle with giving negative feedback because I worried it might make the person uncomfortable. But when I finally found the courage to provide this feedback, I realized that the improvement far outweighed any temporary discomfort. Here’s a good tip to remember: receiving negative feedback can be uncomfortable for a few minutes, hours, or even days, but the benefits of that feedback can last for months or even years.