Arun Verma’s Post

For someone, going through a heartbreak is suffering. For someone else, going through a heart transplant is. For someone, accidentally losing a hand at poker is suffering, for the other, it is losing an arm in an accident. And for someone else, not being able to offer a helping hand is the cause of suffering. For someone, losing a loved one is suffering. For someone else, losing the love for oneself is. Someone's suffering comes from overeating. Someone else's from not having enough on the plate. Someone's suffering comes from an overprotective parent. Someone else's comes from a detached, non-available one. For someone, having their parent around and having to take care of them by putting one’s life on hold is suffering. For others, not having a parent to hold their lives together is the cause for suffering. For someone, becoming an empty nester is the cause of suffering. For someone else, always having an empty nest and not being able to bear a child is. For someone, having a ruthless boss is suffering. For others, not having anyone in their life to push them is suffering. And for someone else, not having a boss or a job is. Every life is different. Every journey is different. Every suffering is different. There is nothing called big or small suffering, or mine is bigger than yours. Comparative suffering comes from feeling the need to see our own suffering in the light of other people's pain. It becomes a play of ego and ego thrives on judgements and measurement scales. Life is full of suffering, breaking down of belief systems, necessary shocks and triggers and tectonic shifts to the idea of self. As Rumi said, suffering is necessary for healing. The wound is where light enters. The size of the suffering is irrelevant. What is relevant is the size of the shift thereafter. Allow people on their journey to find their light. You can't save them from learning the lessons they have. Don't compare your suffering to those of others. Don't gaslight people by saying that others have had it worse. The only thing you can do is hold space for them as they heal, and show empathy. Suffering cannot be quantified. But empathy can be. Make it larger than life.