Transform self-talk: Give your self-talk a reboot

- When you find that your inner critic is working overtime and your self talk has turned more negative, then it's time to reboot your self talk. It's a way to move from being super critical of ourselves and getting to a point where we're feeling better about what we're capable of. A self-talk reboot has two steps. The first step is to do something called self-distancing where you talk to yourself in the third person. In other words, you refer to yourself by your name. The second part is to encourage yourself like a coach or a friend would. If you've ever had a good coach or a supportive mentor encouraging you and pushing you onto success, then you know exactly what this sounds and feels like. Channel the supportive voice and speak to yourself with it. Many professional athletes and other high performers use this technique, like Lebron James, for example. In interviews, he has been known to refer to himself in the third person. Knowingly or unknowingly, he's using the self-distancing technique, and if it's good enough for Lebron James, one of the best basketball players in history, it should be good enough for us, too. Let me show you how you can be your own coach of positivity. I actually learned a template for how to be my own coach of positivity from a friend several years ago when I was about to give my own very serendipitous TEDx talk that I had only one day to prepare for. Before I went on stage, I was panicking. I texted a friend for support. "I'm at TEDx", I said, "And I go on in 45 minutes. "I am so nervous." Not only did he give me the exact words of encouragement that I needed to hear, but he also gave me the perfect template to talk to myself and now to talk to you throughout similar future situations. Research done by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan shows that the sequence of doing these four things is incredibly effective. Self-distancing, then giving supportive advice, self-soothing, and then affirming yourself. Doing this reduces anxiety and dramatically improves performance. This is what my friend said to me. He said, "Denise, there is no need to be nervous "about this talk. "You've done it 100 times before." With this first sentence, remember to self distance by addressing yourself by your first name and then provide supportive advice like you would to a friend. "Then," he said, "just relax and convey your love of the subject "and people will respond to your passion and enthusiasm." With the second point, make sure to soothe yourself and to tell yourself a truth about the situation. And then finally he said, "Denise, "you're going to do great. "Speaking is what you do." With this last point, leverage the power of affirmations. Affirmations actually do work in certain contexts by helping to expand your perception of yourself. I'm happy to say that not only did the talk turn out great, but it ended up being a peak experience for me, and now I have a message that I can play in my head to reassure myself before I'm about to speak. As someone who may be a manager, mentor, parent, and/or coach, you know what it's like to encourage people to get them to be their best, so turn this practice back upon yourself. Start being your own coach of positivity and talk yourself through it.