What are some effective ways to manage jealousy in the moment?

Jealousy is a common and natural emotion, but it can also be destructive and harmful if not managed well. Jealousy can make you feel insecure, angry, resentful, or even vengeful, and it can damage your relationships and your self-esteem. Fortunately, there are some effective ways to manage jealousy in the moment, and to prevent it from escalating or becoming chronic. Here are some emotional intelligence skills that can help you cope with jealousy and turn it into a positive force for growth and improvement.

1 Identify the source

The first step to manage jealousy is to identify the source of your feelings. What exactly are you jealous of, and why? Is it something that someone else has, such as a skill, a possession, a relationship, or an opportunity? Or is it something that someone else does, such as a behavior, a gesture, or a compliment? Try to be as specific and honest as possible, and write down your thoughts in a journal or a note app. This can help you clarify your emotions and gain some perspective on your situation.

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Teresa Williams M.Ed.

Leadership Development | Life + Learning Strategist | Supporting humans on their journey
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I agree with using a journal to clarify, analyze, and assess your thoughts as you identify the why of the feeling. Consider your emotions, such as jealousy, are rooted in influence. Familial and peer influences from childhood, as well as societal and cultural influences, play a part in your behavior and emotional responses. Journaling can help develop your emotional awareness and personal growth.

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2 Challenge your assumptions

The second step to manage jealousy is to challenge your assumptions and beliefs that fuel your feelings. Often, jealousy is based on unrealistic or distorted expectations, such as thinking that you should have everything that someone else has, or that someone else's success or happiness diminishes your own. Ask yourself if your assumptions are true, fair, or helpful, and look for evidence that contradicts them. For example, if you are jealous of someone's career, remind yourself of your own achievements and goals, and recognize that everyone has their own strengths and challenges.

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Gurpreet Kaur

Speaker | Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor | Executive Coach
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You can use mindfulness techniques to help you through this step. Fully be in the moment, acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. You may choose to write them down in a journal for more clarity. Finally, you want to be as honest as possible to challenge your assumptions. Facing your jealousy can be hard because you may feel guilty for having the feelings in the first place. Here you want to focus on what you already possess instead of what you’re missing.

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3 Express your feelings

The third step to manage jealousy is to express your feelings in a constructive and respectful way. Bottling up your emotions can make them worse, and acting on them impulsively can hurt yourself or others. Instead, find a healthy outlet for your feelings, such as talking to a trusted friend, a therapist, or a coach, or writing them down in a letter or a diary. You can also communicate your feelings to the person you are jealous of, if you feel comfortable and confident, and if you think it will improve your relationship. However, avoid blaming, accusing, or criticizing them, and focus on your own needs and desires.

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4 Practice gratitude

The fourth step to manage jealousy is to practice gratitude for what you have and what you can do. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to jealousy, as it helps you appreciate your own value and potential, and reduces the tendency to compare yourself to others. Gratitude also boosts your mood, your self-esteem, and your well-being, and strengthens your relationships and your sense of belonging. You can practice gratitude by keeping a daily gratitude journal, by expressing your appreciation to others, or by doing acts of kindness and generosity.

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5 Learn from others

The fifth step to manage jealousy is to learn from others instead of envying them. Jealousy can be a motivator for self-improvement, if you use it as a signal to identify your areas of growth and development. Rather than feeling threatened or inferior by someone else's achievements or qualities, you can admire them and seek their advice or feedback. You can also ask yourself what skills, habits, or strategies they have that you can emulate or adopt, and set realistic and attainable goals for yourself. By learning from others, you can turn jealousy into inspiration and aspiration.

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6 Seek support

The sixth and final step to manage jealousy is to seek support from others who can help you cope with your feelings and overcome your challenges. You don't have to deal with jealousy alone, and you can benefit from the guidance, encouragement, and empathy of others who understand your situation and care about you. You can seek support from your friends, family, colleagues, mentors, or professional counselors, or join a support group or a community of people who share your interests or goals. By seeking support, you can reduce your isolation and insecurity, and increase your confidence and resilience.

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Chinasa Nnoka

Housing and Welfare Advice Worker also Certified Life Solutions Coach
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Yes some good coping strategies here. My late Mother would remind us that all fingers are not equal meaning that we are all unique.- Remember we have different and separate journeys. When jealous feelings arise usually from comparison LOOK BACK at how far you have come , obstacles you have overcome, personal strengths you have uncovered an developed. Smile with satisfaction at your successes. You can rejoice in other people's wins too. If others are celebrated and you are frustrated and jealous because you know the truth about them is contrary-remember things are revealed in time, press on with your goals- the discerning will discover your value.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Cindy Saunders, CEC-WCI

Executive Leadership Coach ✦ Leadership Development ✦ 1:1 Virtual Coaching to Clarify Goals, Ignite Growth, and Drive Success ✦ DM or Book a Free Call at Link in 'About' 🔽
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There are many helpful tools for managing emotions like jealousy in real-time. Emotional regulation is taking actions that modify the intensity of your current feelings. One easy-to-remember technique is the 'Just Like Me' tool. It gives us a moment to pause, which is always the first action, and remind ourselves: 'They have worked hard for this, just like me; they feel inadequate too, just like me; they have thoughts and feelings too, just like me.' It helps humanize the situation and lessen the emotional charge. Then, once you're removed from the situation, you can take time to reflect and discover more actions. It takes practice!

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What are some effective ways to manage jealousy in the moment?

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1 Identify the source

2 Challenge your assumptions

3 Express your feelings

4 Practice gratitude

5 Learn from others

6 Seek support

7 Here’s what else to consider

Emotional Intelligence

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What are some effective ways to manage jealousy in the moment?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Identify the source

2 Challenge your assumptions

3 Express your feelings

4 Practice gratitude

5 Learn from others

6 Seek support

7 Here’s what else to consider

Emotional Intelligence

Rate this article

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