How can you improve your emotional intelligence when dealing with difficult people?

1 Identify your triggers

The first step to improving your EI is to recognize what triggers your negative emotions, such as anger, frustration, fear, or anxiety. These triggers could be words, actions, tone, or body language of the other person. By identifying your triggers, you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to respond calmly and constructively, rather than react impulsively and destructively.

2 Empathize with the other person

The second step to improving your EI is to empathize with the other person, or try to see things from their perspective. This does not mean you have to agree with them or condone their behavior, but it can help you understand why they are acting the way they are. Maybe they are feeling insecure, stressed, hurt, or misunderstood. By empathizing with them, you can avoid taking their behavior personally and show them respect and compassion.

3 Use positive body language

The third step to improving your EI is to use positive body language, or gestures and expressions that convey openness, confidence, and interest. Positive body language can help you establish rapport, reduce tension, and influence the other person's mood and attitude. Some examples of positive body language are smiling, nodding, leaning forward, maintaining eye contact, and mirroring the other person's movements.

4 Listen actively and reflectively

The fourth step to improving your EI is to listen actively and reflectively, or pay attention to what the other person is saying and feeling, and paraphrase or summarize what you heard. Listening actively and reflectively can help you show empathy, clarify misunderstandings, and validate the other person's emotions and concerns. It can also help you avoid interrupting, judging, or criticizing the other person, which can escalate the conflict.

5 Express yourself assertively and respectfully

The fifth step to improving your EI is to express yourself assertively and respectfully, or state your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and confidently, without being aggressive or passive. Expressing yourself assertively and respectfully can help you communicate your point of view, set boundaries, and negotiate solutions. It can also help you avoid blaming, accusing, or attacking the other person, which can damage the relationship.

6 Seek feedback and learn from mistakes

The sixth step to improving your EI is to seek feedback and learn from mistakes, or ask for constructive criticism and suggestions from others, and reflect on what you did well and what you can improve. Seeking feedback and learning from mistakes can help you enhance your EI skills, identify your strengths and weaknesses, and adapt to different situations and people. It can also help you develop a growth mindset, or the belief that you can improve your abilities with effort and practice.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?