How can you help clients forgive during conflict?

By Creating Present As a Psychologist or Marriage and Family Counsellor, We encourage clients to create a present. I believe and explain them by saying, " We can't Change the Past, We can not Forget the Past, and We can't Forgive the Past. The only solution to Forgiveness is to Create a Big Present so that the Past will automatically fade away, and We will learn to Let it Go." We make people understand and learn how to prioritise themselves first. Treat others or the situation as a part of Life, not their entire Life. To move on in Life, we suggest that they treat themselves with kindness and look after their holistic Growth, i.e., Psychological Growth, Physical Growth, Emotional Growth, Spiritual Growth and Personal Growth.

I would suggest radical forgiveness of self. Most of the time we do not have the capacity to extend forgiveness to another because we lack it for ourselves. Begin by retelling the story from a different perspective

If we start separating people and issues we are there half way in forgiving the person. The problem is attaching the issue to the person and branding him/her leads to longstanding negative impression about the person. People always change and behave differently under different circumstances for the same issue. To reorient to this thinking we need to have empathy . We start visualising our likely response in the given situation and this changes our response in most of the cases. We become more understanding and compassionate and give space for the person , this is forgiveness.

Forgiveness during a conflict is crucial for emotional well-being, relationship preservation, personal growth, and breaking negative cycles. To forgive, acknowledge your feelings, empathize with the other person, communicate openly, let go of resentment, set boundaries if needed, and be patient with the process. It's a gift to yourself as well as the other person, not an endorsement of harmful behavior.

Forgiveness has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. That’s absolution. For the longest time I confused the two. Forgiveness is all about letting go of the anger and freeing yourself of negative emotions and thoughts. Withholding forgiveness is like drinking poison to kill an enemy. All you’re doing is hurting yourself and the other person very likely has no idea the resentment that you are holding on to. Learn to forgive. I promise, when you truly do. You become lighter.

I redirect my clients to focus on what is right, and not who is right. Forgiveness is where power lies. And we at times can say things that were not in the best spirit of the relationship. Honor those feelings that you have of being offended. But holding onto them does both you a disservice. Usually in conflict, both parties are hurting. Understanding this can ease the pain and help move into the healing process.

For me I think it is useful to understand what we initially mean by the word 'forgiveness' in the situation. It does heavily depend on who is involved and the situation. I often find forgiveness also is about not just forgiving the other person but forgiving yourself in how you behaved or what you allowed during the situation. Another layer of this is self trust following the experience. Forgiveness will also involved aspects of grief and being able to stand with courage and strength once you have understood what has happened. Another layer is to understand how it also impacts on mind-body connection and the release you may feel post-forgiveness, as your body surrenders.

Helping clients forgive during conflict requires a nuanced approach that prioritizes empathy and understanding. First, facilitate a safe space for open dialogue, ensuring clients feel heard and validated. Emphasize the liberating power of forgiveness—not as condoning wrongs, but as a pathway to inner peace. Encourage reflection on shared experiences and memories to rekindle mutual respect. Promote communication that's free from blame, focusing on feelings and needs. Highlight the impermanence of life and the value of treasured relationships. Ultimately, guide clients to see forgiveness as a gift to oneself, fostering healing and growth.

Forgive, but never forget. Or you will get burned again ... and again. As we say electrically, trust, but verify! The world is full of scoundrels. Don't assume everyone is until proven worthy but don't be naive to forgive unconditionally. This mental health stuff is good but does not prepare you enough for the real world

I prefer to use the term "acceptance." It allows people to move forward while acknowledging that there was a significant breach of trust. "I don't like what you did, but I'm not ready to end the relationship because of it." Pushing people to "forgive" can be extremely triggering and invalidating, especially for trauma survivors. It reinforces that the wrongs they endure essentially don't matter.

I encourage my clients to write a letter from the perspective of the person or situation they need to forgive. This exercise helps them to gain a deeper understanding of the other person’s point of view and allows them to empathize with their emotions, while discovering the source of conflict . Understanding the source of conflict is the first step to resolve conflict / forgive the person

Conflict often stems from the sense that we have different points of view and don’t understand each other or feel heard. Helpful steps towards conflict resolution include: - feeling how you’re really feeling versus toxic positivity that minimises your emotions - journal it out if helpful, letting the full force of your feelings roam free without causing any damage - then ask yourself what your shared positive intention is with the person you’re at odds with? You’ll see you’re less different than you might realise - finally, ask yourself what advice you’d give to a best friend? It takes the sting out of the intensity of feeling and gives you more of a Birdseye view of the situation 💎

Identifying the source of a conflict is akin to uncovering buried treasure. It's the pivotal step that not only facilitates resolution but also paves the way for forgiveness. Without identifying the source, forgiveness can feel elusive, like trying to heal a wound without knowing how it was inflicted in the first place.

Every negative behaviour is inspired by some positive intention. Find out that intention. You will be more forgiving after knowing that intention. Anything that happens has 3 perspectives my, your and the 3rd persons. Find out from that 3rd person's point of view what's the right view. It may happen that both the parties are right from their perspectives at a particular situation just like a 6 shows as 9 from the opposite location. Putting yourself in other's shoe and finding the positive intention behind every negative behavior will definitely help us understand the situation and help us forgive the other person.

This is key in understanding why there is conflict. Helping clients understand what triggered them, and if it’s a repeated pattern, can help them address the hidden dynamics, raise it to the surface and support their growth. Conflict is often seen by the client as one dimensional. Meaning they may believe it’s felt the same by all parties involved. However, that’s not the case and considering different perspectives and reflecting on how they contributed (without blame) can help them recognise that it’s not a black and white situation. Understanding that there are many different outcomes helps them process the conflict

Forgiveness is very important and looking at it from all levels is important in many levels. When you do this you slowly move your energy into forgiveness and living life and saying Yes to Life.

Important to give a safe space for your client to reflect and talk about it. As a coach, sometimes I just sit there and keep silence. (rather than jump in with advise/suggestions) With a safe space, the client will get to the true bottom of the issue.

Although there are diffeent ways that expression of pain can be managed - two things that work with many clients are : 1> writing a heartfelt letter expressing their pain and emotions, even if they dont send it. This can provide a cathartic release and help them process their feelings. > I suggest them to engage in physical activities or exercises that allow for emotional expression, such as hitting a punching bag . Physical movement can help release pent-up emotions and provide a sense of relief.

People, especially in the corporate world, often think that we should not express emotion at world. In fact, being vulnerable, express your feelings is the sign of strength. This is what I often say to clients.

Pain is part of the forgiveness process. There are various levels of pain a person will go through when dealing with forgiveness Embrace your pain in you and honour your process

I'd also suggest sitting with the emotion and learning to identify and then naming the emotion. In doing so, it helps us better manage the emotion. After that, communicate to the person who hurt you and make known your hurt. If it is within your capacity, empathize with them and see if their intention meant any real harm/hurt, because we tend to judge people by their actions and not enough on their intentions. Then, take deep breathes and make a choice to forgive.

Sometimes the situation goes way out of hand that the best option is to introduce a third party, perhaps one of the employees from the company to empathize with the client. That way the client will remain with a good image of the organization, however this leaves a bad individual impress on the initial customer service personnel. We can start working on relationship restorative measures which will be easier since the customer has experienced empathy from the same company even though it’s from a different person.

Choosing to forgive because it feels comfortable for you and to you is your choice. Sometimes you can and sometimes you cannot

It all starts with a choice. Choosing to forgive is the number one thing to do. Once decided on it, the rest will come rolling. But understanding that forgiveness is not about the person you forgive, but instead is about you as a forgiver is crucial. When we hold grudges and anger towards someone we only darken and weigh our own mind. Forgiving is like letting the light come in and releasing all that heaviness that weighs on our minds.

As I found forgiveness difficult for a long time myself, I started to learn about it. And so I learned to work trauma's out and to forgive, because I could chose for myself to forgive, without looking at the person(s) who were responsible. It is all about your own perspective view. And... you grow.... because of doing this.

Indeed, holding onto unforgiveness is akin to consuming poison and hoping for someone else's suffering. It ultimately harms you. It's important to note that you play a significant role in shaping the environment you inhabit. I often emphasize that the energy you put out is the energy you receive in return. Since nobody is flawless, it's only fair to desire forgiveness from others for any mistakes you may have made. Therefore, extending forgiveness to others is a reflection of how you should treat yourself.

In my practice I see that a hurt feeling is always a clouded color, just like the hurt part of the person, who can no longer see himself completely apart from that injury. By shining light into the darkness, the veils disappear automatically. By creating understanding about how the injury occurred and what it caused, forgiveness can ultimately arise. And so the colors become bright again.

Practicing gratitude in relation to forgiving is the easiest way to find a "reason" for your mind to let go. When we practice gratitude, we look for things to be grateful for, therefore taking our mind away from the things that made us hold a grudge or anger. And since what you focus on you bring about, you start shifting both your focus and what you bring about in your life away from what doesn't serve and towards what you want to see more of in your life.

Encourage your clients to communicate their gratitude directly. They can write a heartfelt letter or simply express their appreciation verbally. This can open the door to more constructive conversations. Remind clients that self-gratitude is just as important. Encourage them to recognize their own strengths and qualities, fostering self-compassion in the process.

In my experience what works with my clients is to help them go through their feelings before and after the act of forgiveness. This way they remember the feeling of relief and ease they feel after they forgive somebody. One of the most powerful tools I reach my clients is expressive writing. There is something magical about taking a pen and starting to write about our feelings.

Genuine forgiveness is a healthy exercise that increases the capacity for trust in any relationship. Admitting mistakes is a powerful mechanism where we can decrease the disparity between failure and growth. Without feedback, it's just failure, so it's important to find ways to acknowledge and improve our failures in all relationships, personal and professional. Taking ownership of mistakes also helps you understand your strengths and weaknesses. Feedback is truly a gift. When you care about people, you should give feedback, but also not be afraid to ask for it.

As a mental health counselor, I help my clients access resources that support their forgiveness journey. I've found metta and lovingkindness meditations on forgiveness to be a nurturing and compassionate path toward forgiveness. Every individual has the self-wisdom to know their boundaries and their pain and will approach forgiveness at their own pace. Forgiveness is a seed that is planted. Every seed takes time to grow and grows in their own time.

When people stab you and stomp on you it's never about you. It's about them, how they feel, and how they manifest that feeling into the world. People don't act how You are but how they are. Their actions are a manifestation of their thoughts and feelings. If someone is being "unreasonable" with you it's only because in their mind that's what feels "right" according to their vibration. Their words and actions are a reflection of who they are. So, understand that it's not about you, it's about them and you don't have to carry their issues in your mind. Forgiving them for their actions only relieves you from the burden of carrying their issues with you.

Two of the most powerful words in the English language are "I'm sorry". When conflict arises, try using it. It can calm just about any stressful situation and will give others the ability to forgive you.

It's a joke....sorry but when ppl stab u and stomp on u and u forgive??? R u being real??? I'm not God...I'm human and like it that way...

Ya sure... I am a Mentor in some colleges and I teach people to move on.... Nevertheless there will always come a time to pay back... Patience and Belief in ones on perspective gives you an opportunity... Yes it does take time ... Its like the Clock or Sunrise and Sunset .... After evey sunset there is a sunrise.... Have patience and keep on what you feel is right.... time gives everyone an opportunity... Wait for it... It may take years but it does happen. Atleast that is what I have learnt in 64 years of my life... Good always wins over the Bad...

Along with the perspective of the other party, taking the perspective of a “fly on the wall” as a neutral observer often brings insights, a broader perspective, and even compassion that helps the offended person forgive more easily.

Forgiveness is a personal journey, and the timing and process may vary from one individual to another. As a personal coach, our role is to provide guidance, support, and a safe space to explore feelings and make choices that align with their personal growth and healing. Helping them understand the benefits of forgiveness and shift their perspective. Explore compassion, set healthy boundaries, and practice self-forgiveness. Utilize forgiveness exercises and provide resources while monitoring their progress.

While this article focuses on forgiving others, one of the most difficult things that people face is self-forgiveness. Sometimes the person who hurt you and caused you harm is yourself. Accepting responsibility, finding compassion for youself, and making amends can release you from the cycle of self-punishment. Try repeating this outloud when you catch yourself punishing youself, "I forgive myself for all that I have done to me." Just like forgiveness toward others, self-forgiveness is a journey. You are worth taking that journey.

There is an interesting game that people play when they are in conflict and especially when they feel they have been wronged. When a person wrongs them it is actually two people who do. There is the actual person, and the other who lives entirely in your mind. And there is always a discrepancy between the two. Forgiving the person in your head would arm you to come to resolution with the actual person easily. Most of the time the actual situation is far less intense than the fabrication…

People generally act out of their own insecurities. If someone wrongs us, forgiving them is the best thing we can do. Another thing to consider is what sot of relation do we share with that person. The one thing we all ignore is “asking”, asking why. In most cases there are 2 sides to a situation. If the answer justifies the intentions then the situation it self dissolves and doesn’t seem that big of a deal. But if does not, we too are equally to be blamed for giving the room to act a certain way. Chances, giving someone chances is a very subjective and personal thing to do. Not forgiving, messes up our mind, takes our time. My mind might keep replaying the bad scenario and wasting my time when I could be thinking of my amazing future.