How can mirroring help you build rapport with someone in a negotiation?

Negotiation is a skill that requires both logic and emotion. You need to present your arguments clearly and convincingly, but also connect with the other party on a human level. One way to do that is by using mirroring, a technique that involves subtly copying the verbal and non-verbal cues of the person you are talking to. In this article, you will learn how mirroring can help you build rapport with someone in a negotiation, and how to apply it effectively and ethically.

1 What is mirroring?

Mirroring is the act of imitating the speech patterns, body language, facial expressions, and gestures of another person. It is a natural and unconscious behavior that humans and animals use to show empathy, interest, and trust. When you mirror someone, you signal that you are on the same wavelength, that you understand their perspective, and that you are open to their ideas. Mirroring can also influence the mood and emotions of the person you are mirroring, making them more relaxed, confident, and cooperative.

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Thameena (Sameena) Husain, CREFM, CRM

Project Management/Administration Professional/Retail Services/Facilities Management/Sustainability/Education
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Mirroring in professional settings fosters robust, positive relationships by creating alignment and understanding, crucial for harmonious workplaces. - It enhances cooperation in negotiations, reducing tensions and encouraging mutually beneficial interactions by subtly reflecting counterparts’ mannerisms and attitudes. - Effective communication is facilitated as mirroring adopts the counterpart’s style, ensuring clarity and mitigating misunderstandings. - It also aids in conflict resolution, transforming discord into consensus by promoting harmony and understanding, and encourages reciprocity, paving the way for cooperative, beneficial outcomes.

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Kyle M.

Owner at World Linguistics | LinkedIn Expert & Top Voice | 4x Magazine Appearances on Canvas Rebel, Bold Journey, Voyage Baltimore & Sub Kit/Collabs.io.
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Mirroring (sometimes also called matching the other person’s energy) is a form of reciprocation. When somebody’s body language, patterns, and tone of voice are reciprocated, they are more likely to feel acknowledged and understood, which is what makes mirroring such a great communication strategy.

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2 Why is mirroring useful in negotiation?

Negotiation is a complex and dynamic process that involves both rational and emotional factors. To reach a mutually beneficial outcome, you need to persuade the other party that your proposal is fair and valuable, but also that you are trustworthy and likable. Mirroring can help you achieve both goals by creating a positive and productive atmosphere, reducing tension and conflict, and enhancing rapport and empathy. Mirroring can also help you gather information, as the person you are mirroring may feel more comfortable and willing to share their needs, interests, and concerns.

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CA Fahim Ummer

Chartered Accountant | Accredited Commercial Manager® (IREM) | Real Estate | FP&A
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Negotiations are where the tug of thoughts and ideas happen to effectively land on a decision. In the process, one needs to ensure that the opinion of both parties are discussed openly and to better win the negotiation, the other party’s trust has to be earned. Mirroring helps in grasping their trust and reciprocating their ideas. At some point, the parties think from the same shoes and a consensus is formed.

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3 How to mirror verbal cues?

Verbal cues are the words, tone, and pace of the speech of the person you are talking to. To mirror verbal cues, you need to pay attention to how they express themselves, and match their style and language. For example, if they use formal or informal terms, technical or simple vocabulary, direct or indirect statements, or specific or general phrases, you should do the same. You should also mirror their tone of voice, whether it is loud or soft, high or low, or enthusiastic or calm. Additionally, you should mirror their pace of speech, whether it is fast or slow, and their pauses and silences.

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4 How to mirror non-verbal cues?

Non-verbal cues are the body movements, facial expressions, and gestures of the person you are talking to. To mirror non-verbal cues, you need to observe how they position themselves, and mimic their posture and orientation. For example, if they lean forward or backward, cross their arms or legs, or tilt their head or shoulders, you should do the same. You should also mirror their facial expressions, whether they smile or frown, raise their eyebrows or lower their eyelids, or show surprise or anger. Furthermore, you should mirror their gestures, whether they use their hands or arms, point or nod, or touch their face or hair.

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CA Fahim Ummer

Chartered Accountant | Accredited Commercial Manager® (IREM) | Real Estate | FP&A
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One of the most important points to consider when mirroring non-verbal cues, is to pay a very close attention to what one has to say. This helps in comprehending the emotions and understanding how they feel. Mirroring these emotions help you gain their trust. It tells them you are genuinely interested in the conversation, and gives you an edge in persuasion if needed.

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5 How to mirror effectively and ethically?

Mirroring is a powerful technique that can help you build rapport with someone in a negotiation, but it can also backfire if not done correctly. To use mirroring effectively and ethically, you need to be subtle, selective, respectful, and authentic. Don't overdo it or make it obvious that you are copying the other person. Choose cues that are relevant and suitable for the context and the relationship. Don't mirror something that you don't agree with or feel comfortable with. Use mirroring as a way to complement and reinforce your communication, show interest and empathy, and gather information. It can create a positive atmosphere, reduce tension and conflict, and reach a mutually beneficial outcome. Try mirroring the next time you negotiate to see how it can improve your results and relationships.

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Karthik Ram

CEO @ Development Solutions | Social Impact, Consulting
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Mirroring is definitely useful to establish common ground and make people comfortable. That said, it cannot be at the cost of authenticity and honesty. I see mirroring as a negotiating technique declining in popularity over the next decade.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Fatima Naseem

PR & Corporate Communications | Digital & Corporate Marketing | Communication & Design | Brand Management | Media Relations | ESG | Creative
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Mirroring is a skill that every negotiator should have in their toolkit. It is a simple but effective way to build rapport and trust with the other person, which can lead to more successful negotiations. If you are not mirroring in your negotiations, you are at a disadvantage.

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How can mirroring help you build rapport with someone in a negotiation?

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1 What is mirroring?

2 Why is mirroring useful in negotiation?

3 How to mirror verbal cues?

4 How to mirror non-verbal cues?

5 How to mirror effectively and ethically?

6 Here’s what else to consider

Interpersonal Communication

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How can mirroring help you build rapport with someone in a negotiation?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 What is mirroring?

2 Why is mirroring useful in negotiation?

3 How to mirror verbal cues?

4 How to mirror non-verbal cues?

5 How to mirror effectively and ethically?

6 Here’s what else to consider

Interpersonal Communication

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