With wedding season upon us, we’re faced with the age-old question once again: How much should I spend on a gift?
Etiquette experts are generally loath to give any dollar amount recommendations because guests’ financial situations and wedding gift budgets may vary quite a bit. It’s a personal decision, and no one should feel pressure to spend more than their finances comfortably allow.
A recent Bankrate.com survey found that guests plan to spend an average of $180 per event on wedding presents this year; the wedding site The Knot put that number at $160. The average spending for a gift on Honeyfund, an online honeymoon and cash gift registry, falls between $125 and $150. But remember, these are just averages; there are plenty of people spending less and plenty spending more.
There’s one gifting guideline you may have heard of but can definitely ignore: The so-called “cover your plate” rule, which says you should spend at least as much on the wedding present as the couple is spending per head on food and drinks at the reception.
“Your gift budget is not a reflection of the couple’s budget,” etiquette expert Jodi RR Smith, president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, previously told HuffPost. “Your gift need never be equivalent to the ‘cost per meal’ or any other such notion. Your gift is reflective of your finances.”
So how do wedding guests navigate gift-giving in their own lives? We asked people what they typically spend on a wedding present and how their spending habits change in a number of situations. Here’s what they told us:
Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length.
Rosie Piper | Boise, Idaho
Annual income: $100K to $150K as a wedding and portrait photographer and content creator.
What do you typically spend on a wedding gift?
Generally $75 to $150.
If you are in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
I feel like I spend more as a bridesmaid on all fronts. Because if I am a bridesmaid, I am generally going to multiple wedding activities that elicit gifts, such as a bachelorette party, the bridal shower and then the wedding. So I would say I spend $300 on gifts in total if I am in the wedding. And that doesn’t include the cost of being a bridesmaid as well.
If you’re bringing a date and/or your kid(s) to the wedding, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
I’m married, so the amount I used to spend (single) on a wedding gift would have been closer to $50. Now with my husband, we account for both of us and the gift is closer to the $75 to $150 range.
Does the type of wedding impact your gift amount?
In my experience, it does not. We spend the same no matter the wedding.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the wedding requires you to travel somewhere, how does that affect what you spend?
As a destination bride myself, the gifts are affected dramatically for destination weddings because of the amount you are having your guests pay to be there. If I was a guest, I would anticipate still setting aside a similar amount of money for the couple even with the travel.
If you have already gotten the couple a gift for other wedding-related events — like an engagement gift, a shower gift, or attended the bachelor/bachelorette party — does that impact how much you spend on the wedding present?
It does impact how much I spend based on how many gifts and how much I’ve already spent.
Do you still give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding? If so, what is your typical gift/gift amount in that situation?
I would say yes, but a smaller range. We would probably send a card and a $50 gift card.
Tevy Khou | San Francisco Bay Area
Annual income: I’m an illustrator and designer and I make around $150K. Sometimes it’s more if my contracts pick up.
What do you typically spend on a wedding gift?
Minimum is a cash gift of $100 from me, and/or it can be more if it’s a physical gift, around $200.
If you are in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
None of my close family members or friends have gotten married since I’ve had a job, but I can imagine getting them a nice appliance or whatever is on their registry for $200. On top of that, a cash gift of $500. I feel like that’s a lot of money for me, but it might be extra special to me because most of the people I know are artists or designers who don’t believe in marriage!
If you’re bringing a date and/or your kid(s) to the wedding, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
I go to weddings with my wife so we usually combine our gifts instead of splitting.
Does the type of wedding impact your gift amount?
Nope! Everyone gets the same thing whether you elope or have a wedding at the Ritz.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the wedding requires you to travel somewhere, how does that affect what you spend?
I would probably spend the same amount, $100 to $200. Destination weddings are annoying at first, but I always have fun at the end of the day.
If you have already gotten the couple a gift for other wedding-related events, does that impact how much you spend on the wedding present?
I had no idea there was more than one time for a gift. Maybe I’ll buy you a drink to celebrate together, but you get one gift. I promise it will be a nice one.
Do you still give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding? If so, what is your typical gift/gift amount in that situation?
Yes, because I will feel bad for missing it. I would spend the same amount, maybe more.
Are there any other factors that impact what you spend on a wedding gift that you’d like to mention? Or feel free to share any other thoughts you have on this topic.
Whatever my bank account or future big purchases I have in mind is what allows me to buy gifts. I think if my nieces or nephews got married in the future, I would probably spend way more money — in the thousands — assuming my income increases.
Jan-Kristòf Louis-Mansano | Brooklyn, New York
Annual income: I’m a school counselor and my husband is a social worker. Our total household income is $100K to $150K.
What do you typically spend on a wedding gift?
Around $100 to $200.
If you are in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
In that case, we would typically spend higher than that. It can be up to $100 more.
If you’re bringing a date and/or your kid(s) to the wedding, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
We typically multiply the amount we would spend on a gift or a check by the amount of people we bring, including ourselves. So two people would be $200, three people would be $300, etc.
Does the type of wedding impact your gift amount?
Not really. We usually base it on our relationship with the person between a close friend, an acquaintance, a family member, and so on.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the wedding requires you to travel somewhere, how does that affect what you spend?
That wouldn’t affect what we spend. It would still come down to the couple and our relationship with that couple.
If you have already gotten the couple a gift for other wedding-related events, does that impact how much you spend on the wedding present?
In that case, we would spend a little less or maybe get complementary gifts between the event prior to the wedding that we attended and the wedding itself.
Do you still give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding? If so, what is your typical gift/gift amount in that situation?
If we’re not attending the wedding, then we would either send a check and get either more than one gift from the registry or a more expensive gift than what we would usually spend if we were there.
Katie | Nashville, Tennessee
Annual income: Our household income is $50K to $100K.
What do you typically spend on a wedding gift?
$50 to $150.
If you are in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
If I am in the wedding party, I try to spend about $100 on a gift. For close friends and family when I’m not in the wedding, I’d tend to spend closer to the top of my range, around $150.
If you’re bringing a date and/or your kid(s) to the wedding, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
No. My wedding gift would be the same no matter who is attending.
Does the type of wedding impact your gift amount?
No. I base my gift on closeness to the marrying couple, not the wedding theme.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the wedding requires you to travel somewhere, how does that affect what you spend?
I would be unlikely to attend a destination wedding for anyone I was not very, very close to, but I’d probably send a $50 to $100 gift.
If you have already gotten the couple a gift for other wedding-related events, does that impact how much you spend on the wedding present?
Yes. I typically purchase one gift for the marrying couple. If I had already given a gift at a shower, I would bring a card and a small token to the wedding. (Less than $20). I wouldn’t consider the cost of attending a bachelorette soirée when deciding on a gift.
Do you still give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding? If so, what is your typical gift/gift amount in that situation?
Yes. I’ll send a $50-ish gift to most couples if I can’t attend.
Are there any other factors that impact what you spend on a wedding gift that you’d like to mention?
The factor I consider most is closeness to the couple. I’ll spend more on people I am closest to, but I usually don’t stray out of the $50 to $150 range no matter who they are.
Jen Glantz | Brooklyn, New York
Annual income: $150-$200k as an entrepreneur (founder of Bridesmaid for Hire) and content creator.
What do you typically spend on a wedding gift?
$150 to $300.
If you are in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
If it’s a friend that I’m close with and have known for more than three years, I usually give $250 or more. If it’s local and no travel is involved, I’ll give $50 to $100 more than that. If I’m a bridesmaid and have had to spend a lot of money on gifts, travel and other expenses, I’ll just give $250. But $250 is my threshold.
If you’re bringing a date and/or your kid(s) to the wedding, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
If anyone is coming with me, I add on an extra $150 or more to that amount.
Does the type of wedding impact your gift amount?
I don’t like to give a gift that’s based on how much I think the person paid to have me at their wedding. That’s not fair to the couple and it doesn’t make sense to me as a guest. Instead, I give based on what I can afford and what I’d like to gift that person.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the wedding requires you to travel somewhere, how does that affect what you spend?
If there’s travel or accommodation costs involved, it does change how much I give as a gift and I’ll give a little less. All of this depends on how much I’ve budgeted for the wedding and what had to go into that budget.
If you have already gotten the couple a gift for other wedding-related events, does that impact how much you spend on the wedding present?
I usually set a gift budget for every wedding I attend and then use that budget to determine the price of all of the gifts I want to give. If my budget is $300, I’ll give an engagement gift that’s $50, a shower gift that’s $100, and a wedding gift that’s $150.
Do you still give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding? If so, what is your typical gift/gift amount in that situation?
If I don’t attend the wedding, I usually give a gift that’s off their shower registry and is between $75 to $100.
Vivian Tu | Miami Beach, Florida
Annual income: Author and content creator behind Your Rich BFF, $500K+
What do you typically spend on a wedding gift?
$100 to $400.
If you are in the wedding party or close with the couple, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
Typically, if I am a guest, I’ll spend about $100 on a gift, $200 to $250 if I’m a bridesmaid. But the one outlier here was for my childhood best friend’s wedding, where I was the maid of honour — I paid for a portion of her dress, about $1000. That said, she and I have been friends for nearly two decades, and I wouldn’t spend that on a gift for anyone else.
If you’re bringing a date and/or your kid(s) to the wedding, how does that impact what you spend on the gift?
I don’t have kids, but it typically doesn’t impact my gift, as I attend most weddings with my significant other anyway. We’ve been together for over 6 years, so we’re considered a package deal, and most of the invites we get have both of our names on them already.
Does the type of wedding impact your gift amount?
I think, naturally, registries reflect the couple getting married, as do their wedding choices. I’ve personally found that couples that opt for larger, more opulent weddings typically have higher-priced items on their registries, and more low-key couples have more low-key items (with lower-key prices) on their registries. I try to reasonably select a gift within the price range they demonstrate.
If it’s a destination wedding or if the wedding requires you to travel somewhere, how does that affect what you spend?
It usually doesn’t, but I will say I think twice before RSVPing yes to destination weddings. Do I really like this couple? Am I willing to shell out additional cash to be present at their wedding? Is this trip worth my time?
If you have already gotten the couple a gift for other wedding-related events, does that impact how much you spend on the wedding present?
Personally, no, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with setting boundaries and saying, “Hey, I’m so stoked to attend your wedding and engagement party, but I’m not in a position to purchase both an engagement and a wedding gift. Instead, is there any way I can gift my time/effort/energy to help with your engagement party?” Any true friend should understand.
Do you still give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding? If so, what is your typical gift/gift amount in that situation?
Yes, but only if I have a relationship with the couple and would attend the wedding. There are certainly instances where I’d love to go to someone’s wedding, but scheduling doesn’t work, or it’s a destination that would be very pricey to attend, or I have a conflict, so I have to RSVP no. In those cases, I’ll send a gift.
But there are other instances where my significant other (who has a large family) will get a wedding invite from a third cousin once removed or some distant relative whom he hasn’t spoken to in a decade, in which case we RSVP no and don’t bother to send a gift.
Are there any other factors that impact what you spend on a wedding gift that you’d like to mention?
At the end of the day, how much to give as a wedding gift is an art, not a science. It will fluctuate depending on your relationship with the couple and your financial situation at the time.