Social Situation Survival Guide: How to Meet People, Manage Anxiety, and Feel Confident in Any Setting

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Hi there, Rebels!

Welcome to Growing Up Powerful: Social Situation Survival Guide. We’re thrilled you’re here. Maybe you’re already familiar with this series, or our Good Night Stories series, or our podcast. Or perhaps the title of this book caught your eye, and you thought: wait, there’s a guidebook to social situations? Sign me up!

As you grow up, you’ll be presented with all kinds of exciting opportunities: making friends, discovering what you love to do, and learning new things. You’re going to find hobbies and passions and form relationships. You’ll become more independent and develop a stronger sense of self while also figuring out what role you want to play in your community (and the world!). All of these experiences help shape you into the clever, curious, kind Rebel Girl that you are.

But sometimes, these joyful milestones come with challenges. Certain social situations can feel like navigating a maze. How do you strike up a conversation with someone new at school or camp? What should you do when you see someone being bullied? How do you help a friend who is going through a tough time?

Do you worry about introducing yourself when you’re the new kid in a group? Check out our tips in section How to introduce yourself when you’re the new kid. Wondering what to do when you have a super cringey moment? Turn to section What to do when you have a super embarrassing moment for advice on how to get past it. Just found out your best friend is moving away, and you are having a hard time? We’ve got your back in section How to handle it when a friend is moving away. Struggling with anxiety anytime you hear the news or when you’re confronted with serious issues in your community? Flip to section What to do when the news makes you upset, and we’ll walk you through it. Have a crush on someone and have no clue how to handle it? Section What to do when you have a crush on someone (or they have a crush on you) has you covered, and we’ll talk about what to do when someone has a crush on you too.

And it’s not just advice! This guidebook is loaded with fun quizzes on topics like where to look for new friends, how to stand up for yourself, and figuring out what positive changes you can make in the world. There are also lots of stories and quotes from Rebel Girls just like you who get anxious in social situations.

Socializing can be overwhelming. But it can also be fun. In the meantime, we’re here for you at this awesome time in your life filled with new friends and exciting experiences. With this book, you’ll feel ready to handle any challenge that comes your way—the good, the bad, and the totally awkward!

Stay Rebel!

The Rebel Girls Team

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CHAPTER 1

CONVERSATION 101

Look over there! See that girl waving at you across the street? She looks really familiar. You know her from school, right? Or wait, maybe she was in that dance class you took last summer. Ack, she’s coming over! Did she just move here? Maybe you don’t know her at all, and she just wants to meet a new neighbor. Or maybe she was that girl you met at the coding club competition a few months ago and she’ll be hurt if you don’t remember her name, and now she’s standing right in front of you, and—Come on, brain, how do I say hi?

It’s a simple word, but it can cause us to feel BIG anxiety—because hi is usually followed by more talking. From introducing yourself to your new classmates to making small talk with a neighbor in the elevator, we’re going to cover all the basics in this chapter so you feel like a conversational wizard.

Conversation 101 | CONTENTS

How to Introduce Yourself When You’re the New Kid

How to Make a Phone Call

How to Order at a Restaurant

What Is My Body Saying?

Small Talk Can Feel Like a Big Deal

Quiz: What’s Your Social Situation Comfort Level?

Ask the Expert

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Being the new kid can be super scary. The school might look like a maze, you don’t know any of the teachers, and of course, it seems like all the other students have been friends since kindergarten. How do you fit in? What if you don’t make any friends at all?

And it’s not just school. What about summer camp? Joining a club or an extracurricular like theater or band? Volunteering at an animal shelter with a bunch of kids you’ve never met before?

Before you spiral, take a deep breath—and give yourself a break. Pretty much no one makes a tight-knit group of friends on the very first day of school, camp, or any other activity. Making friends takes time!

But there are definitely a few things you can do to get off on the right foot when you introduce yourself.

Try these tactics:

DK Smile! Chances are, you aren’t the only one who’s anxious. A smile makes others feel at ease and welcomes them to talk to you.

DK Say your name. A simple Hi, I’m Gemma will do—and make sure to pause so they have time to give you their names.

DK Ask a question. If you just say hi, the dreaded awkward silence might follow. Questions invite conversation, and as a new kid to the party, you’ve probably got plenty: Where’s the gym? Who’s the nicest camp counselor? How long have you been a volunteer?

DK Pay attention. Sometimes, we’re so nervous that we blurt out a question then don’t listen to the response. Make sure you listen when the other person is talking so you can keep the conversation going.

WHAT THE REBELS SAY

I felt anxious when it was my first day of middle school. I took a deep breath and told myself that everybody else was nervous too.

—Chase, 11, Colorado, USA

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Does the idea of calling someone fill you with dread? It’s not just you! A lot of people feel awkward on the phone. Plus, texting is so much easier!

But texting isn’t always an option. And not all restaurants offer online ordering. You might have to call the salon to make an appointment to get your nails done, or ask a pet supply store how late they’re open, or find out if a bakery has vegan options. Sometimes, a phone call is your only choice . . . and that’s okay. A few minutes of preparation before you dial is all you need if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

DK Take notes. First, take a few notes on why you’re calling. For example, if you’re ordering food, write down your exact order in case your mind goes blank during the call. Having your notes at hand will help you relax.

DK Avoid background noise. Make sure you’re in a quiet area or room before you make the call. Let any nearby family members or friends know you’re going to be on the phone so they won’t interrupt you.

DK Speak clearly and politely. No matter who you’re calling, it’s a good idea to talk as you would to a teacher rather than your bestie. (Hello, this is Jackie, not Hey, what’s up?) If you’re calling to chat with a specific person, ask for them by name and be sure to state your own. (Hi, this is Amy. Is Sabrina there?) If you’re calling for another reason, like ordering food or asking about business hours, there’s no need to introduce yourself in your greeting. (Good morning! I was wondering what time the library closes today.)

DK Talk slower than usual. You might have noticed it’s a little more difficult to understand someone when you can’t see their lips move.

DK Say thank you. At the end of the conversation, thank them for their time. Don’t forget to say goodbye before you hang up!

DK Leave a message. If you make a call and it goes straight to voicemail, don’t panic! Introduce yourself, explain why you’re calling (using your handy notes if you need them), and make sure to leave the best phone number for them to return your call.

WHAT THE REBELS SAY

I am bigger than my anxiety.

—Emma Stone, actor

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You’re sitting at a long table with your volleyball teammates after a match. Everyone’s laughing and talking, and the restaurant is pretty crowded too. Suddenly, the waiter is right next to your chair. Can I take your order?

Eek! Your brain jams, and your mouth opens but no words come out.

Ordering food at a restaurant can be intimidating. When you were little, an adult at the table probably told the waiter what you wanted. But now it’s time for you to order for yourself. If talking with a waiter makes you feel a little anxious, just keep the following tips in mind when you go out to eat.

DK Look at the menu first. Going out to eat is a fun social occasion, and it’s easy to get caught up in conversation with everyone at the table. Make sure you read the menu when you get to the restaurant so you know what you want when the waiter arrives. If you know where you are going ahead of time, you can even take a peek at the menu before you get there.

DK Greet the waiter. It’s more polite than simply launching into your order. A simple hi will do the trick!

DK Speak slowly and clearly. Restaurants can be noisy, with lots of chatter and the clatter of dishes. Look at your waiter and speak up to make sure they can hear you.

DK Have your menu handy. If you freeze up, no worries! Just point to the menu item you want.

DK Say thank you. Sometimes, service workers have to deal with rude customers. A thank you and a smile can show appreciation and help brighten their day.

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