The Elements of Negotiation: 103 Tactics for Everyone to Win in Each Deal

CHAPTER 1

Nonverbal: Introduction: Orchestrating the Elements of Nonverbal Communication in Negotiation

Negotiation transcends spoken words, entering a realm where silence speaks volumes. This chapter is an exploration of the various elements of nonverbal communication, each integral to the nuanced art of negotiation. I dissect these elements into separate elements, exploring how they harmonize to create impactful, unspoken dialogue in the negotiating space.

Element 1: Body language. The first element delves into body language, examining how our physical expressions and posture communicate messages, setting the tone for negotiations without uttering a single word.

Element 2: Eye contact. This element focuses on the power of eye contact, exploring how it can establish a connection, convey sincerity, or assert authority in the subtle interplay of negotiation.

Element 3: Gesticulations. In this element, I explore the role of hand movements and gestures, which can reinforce or contradict spoken words, significantly influencing the perception and outcome of a negotiation.

Element 4: The role of voice. This element covers the nuances of voice modulation, including tone, pitch, and volume, and their subtle yet powerful impact on negotiation dynamics.

Element 5: Use humor. This element introduces humor as a pivotal nonverbal tool, highlighting how it can diffuse tension, build rapport, and create a more conducive environment for negotiation.

Element 6: Use your feet. Often overlooked, feet can communicate intentions and emotions. This element sheds light on how foot positioning and movement can inadvertently reveal underlying attitudes or reactions in negotiation settings.

Element 7: Image. The final element discusses the importance of appearance and attire, emphasizing how a well-crafted image can influence perceptions and set the stage for successful negotiations.

Each element in this chapter is a keynote in the symphony of nonverbal communication, playing a vital role in the overall performance of a negotiation. From the silent yet expressive language of our bodies to the strategic use of humor, these elements collectively enhance our ability to negotiate effectively, empowering us to communicate beyond words and navigate the complexities of human interaction.

ELEMENT 1

Body Language

This element will assist you in engaging your audience through mastering the nonverbal communication in negotiation.

In negotiations, the ability to captivate your counterpart is not just beneficial; it's essential. Whether you're delivering news or persuading a team, the impact of your message hinges on your presentation skills. Consider the ease of conveying positive developments, like announcing a significant pay raise or additional holidays. Such messages naturally resonate with the audience. However, the challenge lies in presentations that demand more nuance and persuasion.

The Power of Delivery in Negotiation

When engaging in negotiation, your aim is not just to inform but to influence and motivate. To achieve this, you must utilize a range of communicative techniques, including:

Varying your gaze to maintain engagement

Employing gestures to emphasize points

Injecting humor to lighten the mood

Gesticulating to convey passion

Using your feet to command presence

Modulating your voice for impact

Cultivating a professional image

These elements are fundamental, regardless of the setting – be it a large conference, a sales pitch, an idea presentation, or a one-on-one discussion.

Presentation Skills: Beyond Mere Conversation

Excelling in negotiation requires more than just being a good conversationalist. You must master effective presentation skills to communicate your objectives professionally and persuasively. This mastery begins with understanding the use of your voice and gestures.

The Power of Verbal Communication

Verbal communication, inherently more flexible than written text, is a potent tool in negotiation. The English language offers a vast array of words, yet the average person uses only a fraction of this lexicon daily. To connect with your audience, use familiar words and phrases, avoiding condescension or overly complex language. Short, concise words often carry the most weight.

Aligning with Your Audience's Perspective

In negotiation, you are not just speaking to be heard; you aim to convince, entertain, sell, or persuade. Always consider your audience's viewpoint:

What benefits will they gain?

How can you make them feel valued?

How will you instill confidence?

Is your message relevant to them?

Show genuine interest in their needs. Remember, we live in an era where attention spans are short. People are accustomed to rapid, concise information. This reality makes your audience more demanding but also more receptive to effective communication.

The Impact of Multisensory Engagement

Research indicates that people remember:

10 percent of what they read

10 percent of what they hear

30 percent of what they see

50 percent of what they see and hear

In negotiation, relying solely on a prepared script is insufficient. Your tone of voice and body language are pivotal in reinforcing your message. These tools should be used strategically to enhance your negotiation tactics.

In summary, the science of negotiation extends far beyond the mere exchange of words. It encompasses a comprehensive understanding of how to effectively engage and persuade your audience. By mastering these skills, you position yourself not just as a speaker, but as a powerful negotiator capable of shaping outcomes to your advantage.

Start with Facial Expressions

Children are born with the ability to read other people. They know when to ask their mother or their father about something, and they know when not to ask.

They know when to leave the room and when there is conflict or when their parents are having a row. They read people on a different wavelength than adults.

Most people can read ordinary facial expressions – happiness, sorrow, anger, disappointment – but what about all the other nuances? Try to train yourself to interpret different expressions.

Place yourself in front of a mirror and concentrate on a really sad experience, a very happy experience, and a very surprising experience. Look at your eyes. When your eyes smile, your face lights up – when your eyes are sad, your whole face looks sad.

You can also try this out with your television set. Turn on your television set and turn the sound off. Sit down for half an hour and look at the presenter's facial expression. Can you read what is going on? A good rule of thumb: If you find the host's facial language and body language so interesting that you want to turn the sound up, it indicates that this person is skillful and has a high ability to inspire others.

An interesting piece of research has classified human beings into three groups.

Those with closed, almost angry-looking faces

Those with neutral, almost indifferent facial expressions

Those with open, cheerful facial expressions

Take a long look around you! People look angry, neutral, or optimistic, not necessarily because their emotional expressions reflect their inner feelings, but quite simply because we are all born with different faces and for this reason exude different expressions.

With me, I know that when I am really concentrating on something I come across as withdrawn or angry. Because of this, I do not naturally come across as showing very much interest or openness toward other people.

Our 80 facial muscles enable us to create approximately 7,000 different facial expressions!

In itself, this provides a number of options for combining expressions. When you introduce a speech or a presentation at a meeting, try to relax, as a person's facial muscles particularly tend to stiffen up when they are nervous. Bear this in mind before you open your speech, and concentrate on your eyebrows, your mouth, and your eyes.

ELEMENT 2

Eye Contact

In any negotiation, capturing the attention of your counterparts is crucial. Eye contact plays a pivotal role in this. Avoid gazing at the ceiling, the ground, or out the window during negotiations. Instead, engage your counterparts with direct eye contact. This nonverbal communication conveys confidence and interest in the discussion.

When negotiating, it's important not to fixate your gaze on a single individual. This can create discomfort, regardless of their apparent receptiveness. Distribute your gaze evenly across the room, making each participant feel personally addressed. This technique is effective whether you're seated at a negotiating table or presenting in a standing position.

In smaller, more intimate negotiation settings, maintain eye contact with each participant for about five seconds. This duration aligns with the average time it takes for a person to process a thought and helps reinforce the points you're making. By making eye contact with various individuals, you create a sense of personal connection without making anyone feel intimidated. Move your gaze smoothly across the room, avoiding sudden head movements or restless shuffling.

Remember, your counterparts in negotiation are keen for your attention and validation, similar to a child's plea for attention. Using eye contact effectively establishes a rhythm and rapport in negotiations.

Begin your negotiation by calmly walking to your designated spot, surveying all participants with a composed and serene demeanor. This initial eye contact asserts your assertiveness and openness. Without this, participants may remain engaged in their own thoughts, unsure of the negotiation's commencement.

Negotiators who avoid eye contact may be perceived as uncertain or insincere. Questions like, Why aren't they looking at us? Do they lack confidence in their stance? can arise, undermining your position.

During larger negotiations, when addressed with a question, start by looking directly at the inquirer. Then, gradually shift your gaze around the room to include others in your response. This approach prevents other participants from feeling excluded. Conclude your response by reestablishing eye contact with the questioner, seeking their acknowledgment of your answer.

Finally, as you conclude the negotiation, replicate the initial pattern of eye contact. This reinforces the connection established at the beginning and leaves a lasting impression of your engagement and assertiveness.

ELEMENT 3

Gesticulations

In the intricate dance of negotiation, the use of hands and arms plays a pivotal role in emphasizing and underlining key facts and arguments. Whether seated at a bargaining table or standing in a boardroom, the way you position and move your limbs can significantly impact your negotiation success.

The Do's and Don'ts of Body Posture

A negotiator must be acutely aware of posture. Slouching, hands in pockets, or arms folded across the chest are all signs of disengagement or defensiveness, which can hinder the flow of constructive dialogue. Similarly, avoid displaying nervous habits like clicking knuckles or pens. Initially, keep your hands calmly in front, perhaps resting on a table, before using them to reinforce your points.

Gesticulation: A Personalized Approach

Gesticulation, which is the use of hands, varies from person to person. Reflect on how you naturally use your hands during relaxed conversations. While it's important to be authentic, avoid closed-off postures like folded arms, which can create a barrier between you and your negotiating partner. Remember, your hand movements are a language of their own, speaking volumes about your confidence and intent.

Avoiding Distracting Habits

Distractions, such as fiddling with objects, shuffling notes, or excessive movement, can detract from your message. Be mindful of these habits, as they can shift focus away from the substance of your negotiation.

Illustrating Your Points

Use your hands to visually articulate your points. For example, demonstrating how to fill a lawn mower with gasoline using hand movements can make your explanation more vivid and memorable. This use of body language to depict action enhances the clarity and engagement of your communication.

Conveying Confidence and Respect

Your arm movements can signal self-assuredness and authority. However, be cautious about how you direct attention. For instance, summoning someone with an index finger can seem aggressive; an open hand gesture is more welcoming and respectful. This gesture dates back to the Middle Ages as a symbol of peaceful intentions.

Your stance is just as important as your hand gestures. Avoid rocking or twisting movements, which can reflect nervousness. Instead, adopt a balanced, forward-facing posture. Use your feet to subtly enhance your presentation, moving to mark transitions or to emphasize points. When inviting questions or engaging with a group, adjust your position to reflect openness and engagement. See Element 6 for more about positioning your feet properly.

The art of gesticulation is a vital component of effective negotiation. It's not just what you say, but how you say it – your body language, including the use of hands, arms, and feet, plays a crucial role in how your message is received and perceived. Mastering this art can significantly elevate your negotiating prowess, helping you communicate with greater impact and influence.

ELEMENT 4

The Role of Voice

The importance of using your voice properly during negotiations cannot be understated. Proper use of the voice involves volume, tone, and speed, as well as ensuring that your breathing is controlled and continuous.

Volume

Most people talk too softly. Speak louder than you would if you were having a conversation with a person sitting right next to you. Speak loudly to give the impression of authority and enthusiasm. Emphasize points by considerably increasing volume, or by decreasing volume to get your audience to listen carefully to what you are saying. If you are one of those people who tends to speak too loudly, you should make a special effort to decrease your volume. Speaking too loudly is unpleasant for your audience, as it wears them out, and in order to protect their ears, they will stop listening to what you have to say. Using the volume of your voice correctly gives your presentation vigor.

Tone

A bad speaker will come across as boring and monotonous. By varying your tone, you put life into your presentation.

Speed

The majority of us have a tendency to speak too fast, especially in stressful situations, such as giving presentations. Speak slower than you would in a normal, everyday situation. This will give your audience sufficient time to think about the message you're communicating. By doing this, you have the advantage of having more time to think as well – it will make you feel more confident. This is beneficial to you and to your audience. Pauses are one of the most effective tools you have at your disposal. You should make short pauses to dramatize or to emphasize the point you just made, or the one that you are about to make. A reasonable pause ought to last a little longer than you feel is necessary.

Breathing

Many people who have tried to give a presentation without having prepared properly know the problem of lack of air, especially during the introduction or when the situation is stressful.

Give yourself a few days to learn this simple breathing technique. Say to yourself 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and inhale. Repeat 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and inhale. Continue this exercise about five times, three times a day, for about one week and then you will begin to have your breathing under control.

ELEMENT 5

Humor

A few years ago, I attended a wedding with over a hundred guests, all in high spirits and elegantly dressed. The bride and groom were exceptionally charming and stunning. The weather was perfect, the kind that graces us in May, and the ceremony was seamless.

As we sat at the elegantly set table for the meal, we listened to various speeches, some more engaging than others. Then came Erik, known for his humor. The room quieted in anticipation. Erik, understanding humor as a great ice-breaker, started his speech with a joke about a man who stuttered.

Usually, the start of a joke prompts laughter, but not this time. There was only an awkward silence, no smiles. Erik, realizing this, became visibly nervous, fumbling with his tie and speeding through the joke. Eventually, he laughed nervously and sat down, unable to complete his speech. The issue? The bride's father had a stutter, turning a potentially funny joke into something offensive.

This story shows that humor can be as dangerous as it is effective. In times of nervousness, like before a meeting or presentation, consider its long-term significance. Will it be remembered in a hundred years? Probably not.

Leveraging Humor in the Negotiation

In the intricate dance of negotiation, humor emerges not just as a mere social nicety, but as a pivotal tool in the negotiator's arsenal. The strategic application of humor can transform negotiations from a battleground of egos into a collaborative journey. As an expert in both communication and humor, I advocate for a mindful approach to humor, one that enhances connections while cautiously navigating the sensitivities of the negotiating