Supervision Matters: 100 Bite-Sized Ideas to Transform You and Your Team

INTRODUCTION:

Supervision Matters

In 1989, I worked in an AIDS service organization in Northern California. I was the sixth employee to work there. One day the executive director came in and announced to the entire staff that we’d just received a large grant. We’re going to double our staff in a month, she said. I need someone to take care of these personnel files. Who wants to do it? I raised my hand. That was the unanticipated start of my career in human resources.

As I learned how to do HR, I learned a lot about how people work. I learned what makes some people give their all and what makes others take shortcuts. I learned how to help people get along with each other and get their work done. By the time I left that organization nine years later, we had fifty employees. Along the way, I learned the rules and procedures of HR, but even more I learned how to work with people and how to build a culture together.

The next organization I worked at had 230 employees. This organization was across town and a world away in terms of the staff. It was another nonprofit but functioned more like a business. At the AIDS organization, people worked there because of their commitment to the mission. At CAP Sonoma, some people were there for the mission (to provide services to low-income people), but for many it was just a job. This made my job very different. I learned a whole lot more about HR and about people. When I started my own business many years later, I decided to focus on the most important component of day-to-day work for the staff: supervision.

While working at CAP, I earned my MA in organizational psychology. I would attend classes after working all day and go back to work the next day to observe the dynamics I studied and apply what I learned. Although I was exhausted from the long days, I was fascinated by the way organizations can either work well or not. What I learned reinforced my commitment to help people be better supervisors.

Supervision is a part of management, but it is not the same thing. Merriam-Webster defines management as the act or skill of controlling and making decisions about a business, department, sports team, etc. Management therefore includes working with projects, budgets, other departments, and products. Supervision is the management of people. Similarly, leadership is a part of supervision, but it is not the same thing. A supervisor is expected to lead his or her staff, but leadership can arise anywhere within an organization. A solitary staff member can be a leader at times and a designated leader may or may not supervise people. (They also may or may not be an actual leader, but that’s another story!)

Studies show that supervision matters. To most people, their supervisor is the organization. If their supervisor is thoughtless and demanding, then that’s how they see the organization. If their supervisor is supportive and fair, then so is the organization.

I saw the impact of individual supervision play out time after time while I was an HR director. The quality of supervision impacted productivity, quality of work, team interaction, conflict, and the culture of departments.

During exit interviews, when I would ask people, Why are you leaving? the answer usually led back to their individual supervisor. Even if employees did not directly say, I’m leaving because of my supervisor, it often came down to that if I asked a few follow-up questions about why they started looking for another job.

The supervisor sets the tone for each department. The supervisor gathers the troops to get the work done. The supervisor connects the work to the mission (or doesn’t) and sets the standards for work in each department. The supervisor harasses employees or doesn’t. The supervisor recognizes liability or creates it. The supervisor makes day-to-day organizational life go round.

And the sad truth in many organizations is that there is often very little training for supervisors. The assumption is that supervision will take care of itself. If someone is good at their job, they are promoted and then they are often told as an afterthought, Oh by the way, part of your job now is to supervise your former coworkers.

Even on the rare occasions when supervisors are trained, that training is often on generic techniques focused on productivity, and the supervisor still doesn’t know how to handle the interpersonal dynamics that make or break relationships with their employees.

This book was written for supervisors. The role of supervision is hugely underappreciated in most organizations. Every step a supervisor takes to implement an idea from this book will help them be more successful as a supervisor, which in turn will help their employees be successful and ultimately those actions will help the organization. It’s a win-win-win!

This book does not lay out a roadmap for how to be a supervisor. It instead focuses on helping you think about your role, your approach, and your interactions with your staff. You can read one section a week or one section a day, or read whole chapters at a time. You can read the book from front to back, or jump in at any point that interests you. I do recommend that you pause along the way and take time to honestly reflect on your own supervisory style and how these ideas apply to your unique situation.

Any way you choose to enter this book will serve you and help you better understand how to approach this critical work of being a supervisor. It will help you ask some important questions about your organization, your team, and yourself. Whether you work in a small organization or a large one, whether you are a new supervisor or a seasoned supervisor, this book is designed to be your partner in the important work you do.

The reason I raised my hand when our executive director held out those files almost thirty years ago and asked someone to take them was that I cared about the people part of my organization. I knew that those files represented people who mattered. And I wanted to make work life easier and better. I still do.

Your work as a supervisor directly impacts the success of your team and the lives of your team members. Your work as a supervisor also has the potential to transform—or to negatively influence—your organization. Have fun and be thoughtful as you read this book; you just might learn how to transform your work, your team, and yourself.

A Note About Coaching Corners

To help you think about how these ideas apply to you, I offer a few questions following each section. Take a little time to reflect on these questions, especially when a particular chapter intrigues you. It’s also a good idea to take a little more time considering a topic if you have a strong resistance to what I write. One approach that works is to set a timer for five or ten minutes and then to write nonstop in response to the question(s). Just see what comes up for you.

A Note About Details in the Book

This is not a book that I wrote to report on specific events from my career. Most of the particular names used in this book are pseudonyms and some of the situations are composites of actual experiences. They all tell the truth about a facet of supervision.

I also want to acknowledge that I often make general statements within a particular section to make a point relative to that section, but of course there are exceptions to these broad suggestions. For example in Chapter 3 in the section entitled Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There I am obviously not recommending that supervisors always stand there!

One More Important Note

I am not an attorney and therefore nothing in this book should be construed as legal advice.

CHAPTER 1:

How You Relate to People

IT’S ABOUT YOU

I don’t always give money to people who are asking for money on the street, but when I do, I remind myself that the act is more about me than about them. I figured this out a few years ago and it’s helped me immensely. Before that, I would wage a little argument in my head: They’ll just use it to buy alcohol, or, This guy is probably a scammer. One day I realized, so what? My giving away my money was not about what the other person did with the money. If I choose to give someone a dollar, then it’s not my dollar anymore and they can do what they want with it. The question for me was, Am I the kind of person who gives money to homeless people? Sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not. But the lesson I realized was that it is much more about me than about them.

This holds true in supervision too. What kind of supervisor are you? What kind of supervisor do you want to be? Are you controlling or are you collaborative? Are you focused on a coaching approach or a monitoring approach? Do you engage in two-way conversations or deliver one-way lectures? Are you focused on results or methods? The answers to these questions will help you determine how you want to act in any given moment.

I was recently coaching someone—let’s call her Joyce—who wanted to be a supportive supervisor but kept talking down to her staff. We were talking about the difference between being authoritative and being respectful and clear. The difference between these two ways of being shows up in tone and language. I asked Joyce to consider the difference between these two statements: Stop your gossiping and get back to work, versus It is important that the work take precedence over social visits at work. I need you to cut down on your personal visits with your coworkers. How can you do that?

Joyce listened to my examples, then immediately replied, It won’t make a difference what I say to them or how I say it. She was so focused on the actions of her staff that she overlooked her own actions.

In helping Joyce to understand that we needed to focus on her actions, I reminded her that, even as a supervisor, you can’t control what other people do. This is a bottom-line truth of life, and it’s an important truth to remember in the workplace too. The only person you can control is you. You can influence other people’s actions but you cannot make anyone change. What can you do differently? What changes in your tone or approach might work to influence the employee to change? It’s true that what you do might not make a difference, but you won’t know until you try it. And if you’re going to try something, you need to try it clearly and carefully by focusing on your own actions.

Granted, the authoritative approach may get immediate short-term results, but at what cost? Chances are that when you’re out of the office the employees will revert to bad habits and that they will leave their jobs when presented with the opportunity. They also might develop resentment that will affect their work in other ways.

None of this is to suggest that your staff can do whatever they want with no consequences. If you try something and it doesn’t work, then you need to figure out another strategy, whether that strategy is to try another approach or to move on to a discipline process. The point is that you can only directly control what you do and hope to affect what your employees do through your actions.

Actively changing what you say and do can indeed make a difference. You can choose to be collaborative. You can choose to listen. You can be respectful and clear and direct. You can support your staff to make choices about their actions.

So the question remains, what kind of supervisor do you choose to be and how does that transform your actions? It’s about you.

Coaching Corner

• Take two minutes to write out an answer to the question in this section: What kind of supervisor are you? Then take one minute to reflect on how that image of yourself matches up with your daily actions.

• Are there particular times when you seem to act in a way that doesn’t reflect who you want to be as a supervisor? What are the circumstances? Are there particular actions, or people, that trigger a different response from you?

• Do you tend to worry about how others will respond to your words and actions? How might it be different if you focused on making sure you are saying and doing what you need to say and do instead of spending your time in hypothetical what if-land?

IT’S ABOUT THEM TOO

I was minding my own business sipping a cup of tea at a local Starbucks when a man and a woman sat down near me and started talking. I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation, and it soon became clear that this was their first meeting. They had apparently met online. During the half hour that I remained sitting there before I left to attend to the rest of my day, I heard more of their conversation than I wanted to. And what did I hear of their conversation? I heard the man talking. And talking and talking. Establishing his pedigree and expertise. Clearly trying to impress. I couldn’t help but think: Shut up. Ask her a question! Let her have a chance to talk!

This happens far too often in supervision as well as on first dates. The supervisor is so intent on showing her staff that she is an expert that she doesn’t stop talking. The conversation is one-sided and becomes a lecture. That doesn’t work well when you’re trying to communicate information and it works even less well when you are also trying to build relationships.

We all have an instinctive need to be seen. We want to be recognized, known, and valued for who we are and what we bring to the world. This need does not stop at work. When staff members feel unseen, they disengage a little bit—or a lot. And you, as a supervisor, are the person most responsible for seeing them.

This seeing is not about making them feel good, although it might do that. It feels good to be seen for who you are. This kind of seeing is about knowing who people are in terms of their work. It means seeing the strengths and weaknesses they bring to the job at hand. The relationship building that needs to happen as a part of supervision is based on the basic principle that people are different from each other and we all want to be seen and respected. It is about basic respect. When you can respect who people are, and understand how to help them succeed, you will be a more successful supervisor and the organization will be more successful. It is that simple—and that complex.

One of the foundations of being a good supervisor is cultivating strong, healthy, and appropriate relationships with the people you supervise. This does not mean being friends with people. Being friends can get in the way of good supervision. Healthy means respecting the boundaries of the relationship. You’re not trying to know everything about your staff. You’re not trying to heal their childhood wounds. You are trying to help them do their job well.

Relationships, whether personal or professional, grow through time and conversation. That’s how we get to know people, by talking to them and spending time with them. We like to think work is different and we can just throw directions at someone and everything will be fine. And it might be, for a while. But if you want your team to be successful, you have to actually know who the team members are and how they work—individually and together. And that means you have to set aside time to connect with them, individually and together. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, but it does need to be consistent time.

Your relationships with your staff are built, or eroded, every time you talk. When you stop to say hello, when you scream at them that they did something wrong, when you explain a new work assignment, or when you ask how their injured dog is doing. It all matters.

Your time and your conversations with your staff are the foundation of a strong relationship with the people you supervise. These relationships continue to evolve based on the way you give assignments, how you give feedback, how you collaborate with your team, and how you display your power and authority. You make the relationship stronger when you keep your appointments with your staff. When you are trustworthy you let people know that you respect them and the work. All of these actions show how you see people, or how you don’t.

In the overheard date at the coffee shop, the man was definitely being seen and heard. The woman, not so much. I have no idea if this initial date progressed to a second date, but unless the guy changed his approach, I doubt it. People need to be seen—on dates and at work.

Coaching Corner

• Think of your relationship with someone close to you. How did you build the relationship? Did you ever stay up all night talking? Did you do things together? Did you talk it through when you had misunderstandings? Think about the parallels of these kinds of interactions in supervision. You’re not going to stay up all night talking, but you can commit to regular meetings so you know you have time to talk.

• When have you felt unseen or unheard? What did it feel like? What did you do about it?

• What comes up for you if you think of getting to know your staff? Perhaps you already know them well? When I suggest you can support people by paying attention to who they are, does that make sense to you or do you have an argument? Perhaps you have been advised to not get too close to your staff. Make a list of your concerns and then reread this chapter to see if your concerns are answered.

MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

I coached a supervisor, Diane, who practiced many good supervision habits. However, when she had me interview her staff, I found out that she drove them nuts! The reason? She insisted that each and every member of her team accomplish their tasks the way she would accomplish them.

Robert was a strong assistant to her but he was not overly organized. Although he responded to every request from Diane in a timely manner and had never misplaced a file, Diane continually rated him poorly on organizing skills and reminded him at least monthly that he needed to clean his desk.

Another one of her staff members, Katri, worked with clients and had never had a complaint about her work. Diane berated her for being too chatty and for letting her client documentation pile up throughout the day. If Diane was in Katri’s job she knew she would be friendly but not chatty, and with the time she saved she would complete the paperwork after each client and file it away immediately. Katri preferred to chat with each person and keep a pile of paperwork to be completed in her desk. At the end of the day, she filed all the paperwork.

Diane’s third employee David was another matter. He handled the financial records for the organization. He was an exempt employee, and he insisted that it worked better for him to come into work after hours to do his work. Diane was frustrated when she needed reports or data and David was not there to give them to her. They communicated through e-mail and David would get her the information she needed in the evenings when he came into work. She didn’t doubt that he was working, but she was constantly begging him to shift his work hours to match the rest of the team.

Diane was a well-intentioned supervisor but she needed to let go of her my way or the highway attitude. There are times when it is essential to change the manner in which staff members are doing their jobs. For example, Diane was well within her rights to insist that David work during regular business hours. His absence affected her ability to do her work, and impacted other members of the team also. I worked with Diane to tell David that his work was part of the team process and that he needed to participate accordingly. While he was exempt, that did not mean he got to set his own hours. Diane reviewed the meaning of being an exempt employee with David and then told him that the basic hours of this job were eight to five. If those hours had not worked for David, Diane could have considered whether some compromise hours would work or if she did in fact need to find someone who could work the regular schedule. Fortunately, David adjusted his schedule and his team involvement improved.

For the other staff members, however, Diane was confusing the way she would handle a situation with the requirements of the job. The basic question for Diane and other supervisors is How does this impact the employee’s ability to do his or her work? If the answer is that it doesn’t, then the concern may just be a matter of style differences. If the work is adequately completed but the way someone does it annoys you, then you might need to look inward for the solution to the problem. Can you articulate how a person’s style is impacting the work in a negative manner? If not, consider letting it go and focusing instead on the results.

Instead of a my way or the highway attitude, develop an approach of my way or your way—as long as the requirements of the job get done.

Coaching Corner

• Are there any members of your team who have a different style than you? How do you usually respond to that difference?

• Reflect on what meaning you give to the fact that someone does something in a completely different way than you do. Do you think they are wrong? Or that they might be criticizing your style? What do you tell yourself about the difference?

• Is there any staff member who you struggle with about how they do something? If so, use the basic question of How does this impact the employee’s ability to do his or her work? to ensure that the change is required by the work and not your own personal style.

• Imagine how you would frame a conversation with Robert, Katri, or David to either change a work practice or apologize for your hypervigilance and tell them you’re willing to try it their way as long as they get the needed results.

INTENTIONAL CONVERSATIONS

Accidental: unintentional, unintended, inadvertent, chance, unplanned.

Example:

Buying a tire because you had a blowout and now need a replacement immediately.

Intentional: deliberate, on purpose, planned, intended, premeditated.

Example:

Carefully monitoring your tire treads so you are prepared when it’s time to buy a new one.

To be an effective supervisor you must thoughtfully build relationships that help you help your staff be successful. To do that you must know what makes each one of them tick in relation to their job. This requires intentional conversations.

An intentional conversation is a two-way conversation designed to help both you and your employee understand each other better, relative to the work. For instance, part of your job as a supervisor is to motivate your staff. So you might ask the question that’s on your mind: What motivates you? They will often ask for more money because that seems like the most likely way to motivate someone. But if you word the question differently, you might get more helpful answers and the question won’t seem as artificial.

So, Joanne, I’m going to try something new to help us both do our work the best we can. I’m going to start each of our one-on-one meetings with a question that we’ll both take a turn answering. We’ll just take two minutes each. I promise the questions won’t be intrusive and will always be about work. So let’s give it a try. Tell me which parts of your job you enjoy most.

The following week you might ask, What is one thing you would change about your job if you could?

You can learn a lot in two minutes. (See more ideas for intentional questions at the end of this section.) This type of exchange does several things. You’re building your relationship by listening and talking as partners. And you’re learning how the person you supervise works. It is very important that this be a safe exchange. Focus on simply listening and understanding both sides of the conversation. This is not the time to judge their answers or correct their feelings. If you listen thoughtfully, you will learn a lot. These conversations will not be useful if you shut down their honest answers by your reaction. If you need to clarify objective information, do it at another time.

You might learn concrete information that you can directly apply to their jobs. You might learn they love to do a task that someone else on your team hates to do; that’s an easy fix that will leave both people feeling heard and valued. Or you might realize that this particular employee loves a challenge. Good to know. Keep that in mind. In these conversations you might together learn something about your preferences as a supervisor that will help both of you. (Like the fact that you hate to organize the department potlucks and your staff member would enjoy it.)

Even if what you hear doesn’t immediately help you help them do their job better, pay attention. Listen. Take it in. It might prove valuable later. At the very least, the act of really listening makes a difference.

It works. Take time to ask intentional questions and, most importantly, listen to their answers. And let them listen to yours. You may find that these few moments of intentional conversations can add up to big changes.

Coaching Corner

• Often supervisors consider that their input to their staff is a one-way flow of information. The practice described in this section focuses on the two-way communication required in a supervisory relationship. How do you feel about answering questions about your work style or priorities? If revealing this kind of information to your staff makes you nervous, think about what that means. Does it imply a lack of trust or a fear of giving away power? Simply consider what it means to you as a supervisor.

• Make a plan to try a two-way, two-minute per person, intentional exchange within the next week with the people you supervise. Time the two minutes for each person and then note what you heard and what you learned. Was it worth it?

• If you heard that someone loved a challenge, how could you use that information to be a better supervisor to him or her?

Sample Questions for Intentional Conversations

MOTIVATION

• What makes you want to come to work?

• Tell me about a time you were really excited about a project you were working on.

• What parts of your job do you like the best?

• If you could change one thing about your job, what would it be?

• If you could design your perfect job, what would you do?

• When do you feel most engaged with your work?

• What is one skill you wish you could use more at work?

• What do you wish you had more time to do during work?

• What inspires you?

WORK STYLES

• How did you come to work here?

• What kinds of tasks do you find most engaging?

• What do you enjoy least about your job?

• When do you generally prefer to work on your own and when do you prefer to work as part of a team?

• Are there parts of your work that you’d like to approach in a different manner?

• What time of day do you do your best work?

COMMUNICATION

• How do you