3 Keys to Keeping Your Teen Alive: Lessons for Surviving the First Year of Driving

Before

Getting a

Learner’s Permit

In This Section:

• Parents—Seize the Day!

• Which Parent Are You?

• How to Be a Great Role Model

• Preparing Your Teen to be a Passenger

• The Teen Passenger Contract

• Teen—Are You Ready to Learn to Drive?

• Test Your Driving Knowledge Quiz

• True or FOAF Quiz

• Graduated Driver Licensing 101

• Responsibilities of the Passenger

• Getting Your Local Driver Training Manual

• Maintenance Basics Everyone Needs to Know

• Your Car’s Fluids

• Your Tires: Where the Rubber Meets the Road!

• Saturday with Dad* Checklist

• Chapter Review Crossword Puzzle

Chapter 1

Actively Involved Parents

Before Getting a Learner’s Permit

Seize the Day!

Every parent remembers the day their child mastered the 2-wheeler. Perhaps there were a few preliminary lessons, maybe even a few skinned knees, but on that momentous day—

You gripped the back of the seat to help them get their balance and offered a few words of encouragement like I know you can do it!

Then you jogged alongside until their balance was firm and let go without saying a word.

You watched and held your breath.

They began steadily, believing you were still by their side, and then suddenly realized they were on their own! For a moment—a look of panic replaced the smile. They wobbled a bit and then abruptly regained their balance and forged ahead—solo!

You beamed from the sidelines—the proud parent of the smartest kid in the world! You’re smiling even now—aren’t you? Those memories are powerful! The experience of teaching them to ride bonded you together.

Being able to ride a 2-wheeled bike is a big step for a kid. It gives them instant self-confidence, status among their friends and expands their world. Helping them get there is rewarding in a way only a parent can appreciate.

But your job wasn’t over. Once they graduated to 2-wheeled rider-status you imposed strict rules regarding where & when they could go, helmet use, no passengers and other rules with one object in mind—to keep them safe. When they went too far or removed their helmet they lost their riding privileges for a week or two, until they could prove they were responsible enough to get the bike back. Their safety was the most important thing!

Your next challenge looms!

Now as that child approaches sixteen—your next challenge looms. You’ve got to up your game this time because the stakes are much higher. A powerful vehicle weighing two tons or more has replaced the bike, and the Band-Aids & kisses could be replaced by a wheelchair or even a headstone.

A Car is Not a Bike with 4 Wheels

A car is not a bike with 4 wheels, so a few spur-of-the-moment trips around the parking lot won’t do to prepare your teen to drive a car. They need a professional driving program and lots of structured driving practice so they can gain the experience they need to survive on the road.

Every Trip is Different

Every trip in a car is different. There are so many variables: the weather, the road conditions, the other drivers . . . 

This program provides lots of tools, tips and checklists to make sure you cover all the bases.

Bike Rules—Car Rules

Just like the ‘bike rules,’ you need to talk with your teen about your family rules for driving. Review the sections in this book that outline potential dangers—together. Talk about them and do the activities. This is one case where I thought you meant really won’t do.

Use the contract to put your rules and the consequences for breaking them—in writing. Both of you sign it. Then monitor your teen’s adherence to them and enforce the consequences immediately if the rules are broken.

Trading Blocks for Miles

And whereas that bike expanded your child’s world by blocks, a car explodes their world by miles! That distance and independence expose your teen to situations and potential dangers they’ve never before encountered. This book provides information and tools to help you prepare your teen to make wise decisions there as well.

The Motivated Learner

Being able to ride a 2-wheeler was important to your child. Teaching them how made you godlike in their eyes. By the time they’ve reached their teens, however, that glow of admiration has faded. Now they know you aren’t perfect, and they are. And they challenge most of what you say!

The great thing is that they need you again. They can’t get their license without you (their permit requires your signature). So once again, you have a truly motivated student who will linger on your every word—until they get the keys.

Seize the Day!

Your window of opportunity is brief. Don’t wait until it’s too late!

You Will Make a Difference

Research shows that teens pay a lot more attention to what parents say than we think they do. They may roll their eyes and look like they want the ground to open under us.

They may stomp their feet and slam the door behind them. But then they go away and think about what we said. Our words and example do make a difference.

Years from now they may even appreciate it. You’ll know for sure when it comes time for them to teach their own teens to drive.

Parents: Are You Up to the Challenge?

Imagine lying awake in bed, waiting to hear the front door open so you’ll know your teen is home safely.

But tonight, the doorbell rings instead. Your heart stops when you see the police officers in the doorway, and you know instantly that your life will never be the same again.

Wouldn’t you do ANYTHING to go back and change things? By then it will be too late. The time to prepare your teen to drive and survive is NOW!

This book provides a simple step-by-step plan to prepare teens to become safe, responsible drivers. It’s straightforward and easy to follow but will take a lot of time, patience and dedication from both of you—parent and teen.

Isn’t it worth it?

You have to decide now. After the crash will be too late. Before you say you’d do anything, figure out—

Which Parent are You?

When it comes to parenting teens, there are 5 types of parents:

1. The BFF Parent—Best Friend Forever Parent

2. The DADT—Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Parent

3. The I Would if I had Time Parent

4. The Gotcha Parent

5. The Whatever it Takes Parent

1. The BFF Parent—(Best Friend Forever)

This parent tries to be cool and wants to be their teen’s best buddy. They’d love to be voted Most Popular Parent. Popularity means everything to them so they encourage their teen to do things just to be popular.

BFF parents may allow things other parents don’t—like drinking alcohol underage at home because they’re going to drink anyway and at least I know what’s going on.

The BFF parent is afraid to make rules or enforce consequences because they don’t want their teen to get mad at them. They may threaten from time to time, but give in easily. Their teen knows exactly what buttons to push and plays them like a song.

Sadly, when the teen gets older, they’ll probably equate that permissiveness with not caring.

2. The DADT Parent—(Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell)

This parent makes threats and sets consequences but never follows through. They’d rather not know about problems because doing something about them is inconvenient.

They were thrilled when their teens learned to drive because it meant they could finally stop running a taxi service and get on with their own lives.

They may set consequences for driving infractions but really don’t want to enforce them—especially if that means suspension of driving privileges for the offender. If their teen stops driving, they’ll have to start taking the kids to lessons and activities again—and there’s no way they’re going back to that!

You’ll often hear them say things like:

If you do that again, we aren’t going swimming.

Followed by:

I told you not to do that! If you do it again—we’re not going swimming!

Followed by:

"What is wrong with you? I told you not to do that. If you do it again—we’re really not going swimming!"

Followed by:

Hurry up. It’s time to go swimming.

3. The I Would if I had Time Parent

These parents probably make a lot of money and spend a lot of time on their cell phones. When it comes to family—they spend money instead of time. Their kids have lots of stuff. They understand their family has needs and hire the best people to take care of them.

Image is important to them—and that includes their family. If their son loses his license for speeding—that will look bad—so they’ll hire a lawyer to make the tickets go away instead. They don’t really think about what they’re teaching their teens until it’s too late.

Note: Some parents work long hours or shifts because of the jobs they do. Others are single parents or have other challenges. There aren’t enough hours in the day for them to do all the things they’d like to do with their families. They do not belong in this group. They are Whatever It Takes Parents (Group 5). It might be necessary for them to find a different driving coach for their teen.

4. The Gotcha Parent

This parent believes in enforcing consequences when rules are disobeyed. The problem is that they don’t always make the rules clear upfront. So, even when their kids try to do the right thing, they sometimes misinterpret fuzzy rules. Then they get punished for their mistakes and that’s unfair.

Eventually those teens might think, Who cares? I might as well take risks and break the rules because I’m going to get punished anyway.

5. The Whatever it Takes Parent

This Mom or Dad knows that being a parent is the toughest job in the world. They love their kids unconditionally but understand that taking care of them can be inconvenient, frustrating and even—infuriating! They routinely sacrifice their own comfort for them and accept that there will still be times when their kids think they’re the meanest parents in the world.

They think twice before making rules and ensure the punishments for infractions fit the crimes and provide a deterrent. Then they make sure their teens understand exactly what will happen if they break the rules.

They follow through with the stated punishment even though it breaks their hearts when their teens miss out on fun, as a result. But they know that unless they follow through every time, their kids won’t take the rules seriously. And they know that in the end—keeping them safe and teaching them how to thrive in the world are their most important goals.

How to Be a Great Role Model

Now is a great time to review your own driving habits too. Take a look around you on the road any day and you’ll see drivers—over 30—doing all kinds of things while they’re driving. We eat, drink, smoke, talk, play with the GPS, consult our shopping lists, change radio stations, etc. We do these things because we take driving for granted.

Our teens are watching. They believe if we can do it—they can do it too. They don’t realize we have more experience behind the wheel and that—so far—we’ve been very, very lucky!

Need to Brush-up Your Skills?

If you feel your skills need a brush-up, many driving schools provide excellent courses for parent co-pilots who are teaching their teens to drive. Check them out. You don’t want to pass your bad habits on to your teen. (Updating your skills can’t hurt either.)

Teaching your teens to drive responsibly is more important than anything else you’re likely to do this year. It’s a very serious business. It’s a matter of life and death.

Are you the Best Coach for Your Teen?

Be honest. Do you have nerves of steel? Are you naturally patient and reassuring? Are you attentive, focused and a good communicator with excellent driving skills?

If you aren’t, consider finding a friend or relative who can coach your teen—or hire a professional.

Preparing Your Teen to be a Passenger

Your teen may not be driving yet but they probably know other teens who are. You need to protect them from other teen drivers too.

Who is Your Teen Riding With?

You are committed to making sure your teens are safe when they drive (that’s why you bought this book.) But what about their friends?

Is that boy your daughter’s going out with on Friday as well prepared as your daughter will be—or is he an Eddie Haskell-type who will smile and nod and pull slowly away from the curb until he gets out of sight and then put the pedal to the metal and risk her life?

Will your son’s best friend be talking on his cell phone and texting as he drives down the highway tonight?

Do you really want to take that chance?

Tip from Lauren, the Driving Instructor:

Note to Parents:

Remember—YOU are in control.

You have every right as a parent to take the keys away from your teen if they’re abusing their driving privilege.

Make sure you have rules in place (i.e. your driving contract) about what your teen can and cannot do behind the wheel and have punishments in place for breaking the rules.

If you ever feel like your new driver is failing to be responsible behind the wheel DO NOT HESITATE to take away their privilege.

They may say they hate you for it today, but it could save their life, and it will help teach them about the responsibility of driving.

Remind your teen that driving is not a right, but a privilege, and that they are not entitled to drive.

(You’ll find Lauren’s Bio in the Resources section of TeensLearntoDrive.com)

This Can be Tricky . . . 

Other parents may not realize how dangerous it can be for their kids to be passengers in vehicles driven by other teens, so you could be on your own here.

Teens hate to be singled out and would prefer if their parents never question anything they want to do. But that’s not what parenting is about. It’s our job to help them make wise decisions and stay safe. Sometimes that’s hard and we may ruffle a few feathers.

First, understand that you have the right—no, the obligation—to say no when your teen asks if they can go out in someone else’s car, if you think it could create an unsafe situation. Don’t automatically say yes.

If they really want to go somewhere and you’re concerned about the skill-level or habits of the proposed driver, try to come to some acceptable compromise. Maybe your teen can drive (once they are licensed) or they can take the bus, etc. ‘No’ to the driver—doesn’t necessarily mean ‘no’ to the activity.

Before your teen gets in the car with any other teen driver, consider the:

• Driver

• Vehicle

• Time of day

• Types of roads they’ll be traveling

• Event they’ll be attending

• Other passengers in the car.

The Driver:

• Do they have a valid driver’s license? (Are you sure?)

• How long have they been driving? (Learner permits don’t count!) NOTE: The first 6 months are the most dangerous for new drivers.

• It takes at least 3 years for drivers to develop reflexive driving skills.

• Have they ever been pulled over for a moving violation?

A lot of teens get pulled over but talk their way out of tickets.

• Have they had any speeding tickets or accidents? If you don’t know—ask them or call their parents and ask. (While you’re at it—find out whether their parents consider them good drivers.)

• The fact that they’re nice kids doesn’t mean they’re good, responsible drivers.

The Vehicle:

• Sports cars and hot cars are out. They make speeding and showing off too tempting.

• You don’t have to do a 50-point inspection but make sure the vehicle looks safe.

• If it’s not the family car, is it fully insured?

The Time of Day:

• Remember that weekends after dark are the most dangerous—especially after midnight so set your curfew accordingly.

The Types of Roads They’ll be Traveling:

• Highway driving is most dangerous due to the speed and unpredictability of other drivers.

• Country roads can be dangerous at night because they don’t have streetlights and teens are often tempted to speed when there are no other cars around.

The Event They’ll be Attending:

• Some events are more likely to involve drugs or alcohol.

Other Passengers in the Car:

• Who else will be in the car?

• Remember that the chance of a crash goes up significantly with each additional teen in the car.

The Teen Passenger Contract

In the Appendix at the back of this book, you’ll find the Teen-Passenger Contract. Remove it from the book and complete it with your teens.

Change, add or delete items until you have a contract you are comfortable with.

Sign it and post it in a place where you’ll see it often (like near the fridge.)

Periodically check in with your teens and make sure they’re still abiding by the rules. Adjust the list of allowed drivers and situations, as necessary.

Note: The first year of driving is the most dangerous, so select drivers with a year or more of driving experience, if possible.

Chapter 2

Need-to-Know Info

Before Getting a Learner’s Permit

Picture yourself behind the wheel of your dream vehicle:

You’re cruising with your friends on the perfect day. The sun is shining and you’re on top of the world! You’re laughing at something your best friend just said when your favorite song comes on the radio and you lean over to-

Suddenly—in the blink of an eye—everything changes! Maybe the guy in the car ahead jams on his brakes or an animal dashes onto the road. Maybe a big truck swerves into your lane or you hit a patch of ice—but now that 2-ton metal can you’re riding in could become a weapon of mass destruction! Your friends start screaming . . . 

This is the moment when all your training comes into play. If you were well prepared—your instincts will take over and save your lives. If you weren’t—it’s too late now!

Would this crash be your fault? No—but you and your friends would be just as dead or broken. The roads are unpredictable. You can’t control the weather, the road conditions or what other drivers do. But you can control what you do, beginning right here by learning how to become a safe, responsible driver.

Isn’t it worth it?

First—Are You Ready to Learn to Drive?

Driving is a privilege—not a rite of passage.

Not every teen is ready to drive when the government says they’re eligible to start learning. Driving takes concentration, good judgment, and a willingness to listen and learn. It also requires the right attitude and personal habits.

Complete the quiz on the following page. Review the results with your parent.

Parents: Do you agree with your teen’s answers? Do you feel they have what it takes to start driving?

Be honest. Teens mature at different rates and you don’t want to make a decision now that you’ll regret later.

If you don’t think your teen is ready—tell them why. Create a plan together to help them strengthen the skills they lack. For example: if they’re always late—talk about that. Come up with a plan together to help them manage their time better.

Agree to reassess the situation when they can demonstrate a pattern of improvement.

If—after the quiz—you agree that the time is now—you’re ready to get started!

The Are You Ready to Learn to Drive? Quiz

Circle your answers to the questions below. Add up how many times you used each answer and enter the total in the box at the bottom of each column. Go to page 231 to find out how you did.

Test Your Driving Knowledge QUIZ

Teens & Parents: Complete this quiz separately and compare your answers.

Circle your answers. (The answers are on page 232.)

1. The best hand-position for steering is:

a) 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock

b) 9 o’clock and 3 o’clock

c) Wherever your hands are comfortable as long as you sit with the correct posture

2. TRUE / FALSE: Teens should not keep their cell phones in the car when they are driving.

3. TRUE / FALSE: Driving while impaired by drugs or alcohol is the biggest risk to young teen drivers.

4. TRUE / FALSE: You aren’t really speeding if you drive at the same speed as the other traffic.

5. TRUE / FALSE: Pregnant women shouldn’t wear seatbelts.

6. Drivers are driving impaired if:

a) They’ve been drinking alcohol

b) They’ve taken illegal drugs

c) They are extremely tired

d) All of the above.

7. TRUE / FALSE: Cruise control provides a safe way to maintain a constant speed in any weather.

8. TRUE / FALSE: Airbags protect drivers, whether or not they wear seatbelts.

9. TRUE / FALSE: A seatbelt will not protect you if you recline your seat.

10. Most car crashes involving teen drivers happen:

a) On the way to school

b) On the way home from school

c) Late at night

d) All of the above

11. TRUE / FALSE: When a teen is driving—the more teen passengers there are, the more likely they will be involved in a crash.

12. TRUE / FALSE: The most important driving skill is to be able to handle the car.

13. TRUE / FALSE: Teens who attend Driver’s Training Courses have fewer crashes than those who don’t.

14. If you’re involved in a crash and aren’t wearing your seatbelt, you are:

a) twice as likely to die

b) 4 times as likely to die

c) 8 times as likely to die

d) 16 times as likely to die

15. TRUE / FALSE: It doesn’t matter what kind of motor oil you put in your car.

16. TRUE / FALSE: Static electricity can cause a fire when you’re pumping gas.

17. TRUE / FALSE: When you’re driving and very tired these things will keep you awake:

a) Caffeine—coffee, Red Bull, etc.

b) Opening the window to let fresh air in

c) Talking or singing

d) All of the above

e) None of the above

18. TRUE / FALSE: A tire gauge checks the tread on your tires.

19. TRUE / FALSE: If a passenger in your car refuses to wear a seatbelt—that’s their problem.

20. TRUE or FALSE: If you’re driving in the left (fast) lane and the car ahead of you is going too slow, you should flash your headlights to signal them to pull into the slow lane and let you pass

21. TRUE or FALSE: Legally—if your car has a wheelchair sign or plate, you can park in a handicapped spot—whether or not the person with the disability is riding with you.

22. TRUE or FALSE: Video games are good training for teen drivers because they teach quick reflexes.

23. TRUE or FALSE: When you call 911, the operator automatically knows where you are.

Bonus Question:

TEST YOUR MATH SKILLS

If you’re driving your car at 60 miles per hour (97 kilometers per hour), how fast is your body traveling?

Answer: __________ miles per hour

True or FOAF QUIZ

Everyone’s heard strange stories about cars and safety. Some are true and others are false. The false ones are often told as this really happened to the Friend Of A Friend (FOAF) of mine. That makes them more believable but they still aren’t true.

There are a lot of FOAF stories circulating on the Internet. I’ll receive one email with information about something from a friend who swears it happened to someone they know. Three years later, I’ll get the same information from another friend whose ‘cousin’ just experienced