the cannibal next door

Anyone have suggestions on places to buy a computer desk?

I've tried Wayfair, Target, Amazon, and Home Depot and found one that I don't particularly like.

I can find ones I like that are too big for the available space. The big problem is finding a desk that is 24" deep. Not 18, not 19, but a whole 2 feet. The current 24" is too small. (I have ADHD and keep a lot of things on my desk.)

edit: finally found one that would work on bed bath and beyond. the runner up was extremely basic ikea.

I am refusing to feel despair until all the votes are counted. Numbers and my brain don't get along, but four years ago they called it early and were wrong. So I'll keep hoping for sanity.

I'm stepping away from the internet for a few days because I can't handle other peoples' despair. This has been a rough mental health year for me and right now my current TV binge is best.

WHAT RESEMBLES THE GRAVE BUT ISN’T by Anne Boyers

Always falling into a hole, then saying “ok, this is not your grave, get out of this hole,” getting out of the hole which is not the grave, falling into a hole again, saying “ok, this is also not your grave, get out of this hole,” getting out of that hole, falling into another one; sometimes falling into a hole within a hole, or many holes within holes, getting out of them one after the other, then falling again, saying “this is not your grave, get out of the hole”; sometimes being pushed, saying “you can not push me into this hole, it is not my grave,” and getting out defiantly, then falling into a hole again without any pushing; sometimes falling into a set of holes whose structures are predictable, ideological, and long dug, often falling into this set of structural and impersonal holes; sometimes falling into holes with other people, with other people, saying “this is not our mass grave, get out of this hole,” all together getting out of the hole together, hands and legs and arms and human ladders of each other to get out of the hole that is not the mass grave but that will only be gotten out of together; sometimes the willful-falling into a hole which is not the grave because it is easier than not falling into a hole really, but then once in it, realizing it is not the grave, getting out of the hole eventually; sometimes falling into a hole and languishing there for days, weeks, months, years, because while not the grave very difficult, still, to climb out of and you know after this hole there’s just another and another; sometimes surveying the landscape of holes and wishing for a high quality final hole; sometimes thinking of who has fallen into holes which are not graves but might be better if they were; sometimes too ardently contemplating the final hole while trying to avoid the provisional ones; sometimes dutifully falling and getting out, with perfect fortitude, saying “look at the skill and spirit with which I rise from that which resembles the grave but isn’t!”

Our Halloween treat handing out was mostly rained out. We got a handful of folks, but if twenty people came into my courtyard I'd be shocked.

In the mad scramble to get the pumpkin patch under cover (I've got variously painted foam and light up glass pumpkins) one of the glass ones got broken. I was rearranging them when I heard one glass pumpkin fall and do a glancing blow to second glass pumpkin and a solid blow to a third glass pumpkin. It was the glancing blow that broke. One of my first ones. It was a thinner mercury style glass. I've mostly moved away from that kind because they feel so much more fragile than other kinds.

Dickie bird did not go outside tonight, but I did set him up on one end of the dining room table with his ofrenda and a candle. I do sugar, salt, milk, and some kind of booze. This year was some of the homebrew mead that's been aging in a closet for a while. The candle was "healing potion" from Cantrip Candles because it's kind of the theme around these parts. I didn't have it in me to do both candle and incense. (Plus being inside the fewer temptations for cats the better. I left all of my usual altar gear in the closet for fear of crime paws.)

Dickie bird is a taxidermy bird I inherited. He's between 150 and 200 years old. The story is he came over with the family from Ireland. A few years ago when I decided to start doing family protective spirit/ house spirit work more seriously I wanted to use him as a focus for that. Turns out someone had already done so. It was very much a "hey kiddo, nice to talk to someone again" vibe. (My grandmother and her siblings of course never did any sort of witchcraft or magic oh no. Now, she did have a great aunt who was a witch, but that aunt had repented at the end of her life and confessed her sins and by the glory of god was saved from the fires of damnation. She put out a saucer of milk a couple times of year because of family tradition is all. But it certainly wasn't witchcraft.)

Doing some card pulls tonight.

Starting with the Critical Role Oracle of the Moon deck. It's a weird deck. It's got an in-game origin of being made by two characters. Card meanings change depending on orientation, but are usually related to each other. One of these characters has more experience in deck building than the other and both the deck and the guide book reflect this. (The deck building character is played by the guy with more tarot/oracle deck experience.)

Spark. Death. History.
spark- responsibility. spark/blaze is the fire card. (blaze is consequences. sometimes hurtful.)
death- the end of something. death/dawn is the Matron card. (dawn is new beginnings.)
history- past, calamity, immutable. history/dream is the time card. (dream is future / possibility.)

Two cards by Jester. One by Molly. In that order.

The thing that immediately comes to mind is that Kevin has gotten yet another new lawyer. It's his third. On one hand I want this to be over with. On the other I want him to have really good representation so there will be fewer appeals.

Responsibility lessens the sting of consequence? The end of something is the start of something new. Can't change the past, but can carry those lessons forward. IDK, this feels really surface level. Need to use the deck more.

Heart of Faerie Oracle just so I can have a nice straightforward reading before bed. (Insert "Oh heck, my tea!" here. I did remember it before it got cold.)

The Joy of the Future. The Hope. The Rox.

Joy of Future- anticipation/ optimism/ the present/ possibility. Anticipate joy don't worry about what's coming.
Hope- (a "face" card for me.) light in the dark/ comfort.
Rox- manipulation/ neediness/ make an effort/ saying no.

The Rox card is separate from the first two. Literally. Won't stay on top of the notebook I'm using as a reading surface tonight and keeps slipping off to lie on the desk instead. Seeing as Kevin was on my mind, this is him. No longer part of the narrative. He can go manipulate whoever he wants to Over There.

Joy of Future and Hope. We are actively trying to have a kid. Which has it's own set of worries and concerns, but is in general a wanted for and joyful thing. Pulled a forth card just because and it's The Child. Gosh whatever could the deck be trying to tell me. (Over There. Out of our lives. No longer a threat.)

1. The oven portion of our stove unexpectedly last week. New stove is being delivered today. The saddest kitties in the whole world would like you all to know they don't appreciate being locked up in half the house while the stove switch is happening. Klinger especially is telling me all about his problems.

1b. We're taking the opportunity to replace the original 1967 hood vent while we're at it.

2. Got my covid, flue, and the first of the HPV vaccines Saturday. I'm not sure which one is the culprit, but I couldn't think at all yesterday. I suspect it's the HPV since I don't usually have problems with covid or flu. Will confirm in 2 months when I get the second shot. (Gardasil / the HPV vaccine raised the age to 45 a few years ago. If you haven't gotten it, get it. Turns out HPV is responsible for not just cervical cancers, but also a couple of the mouth and throat ones.) ((How cool is science that we have vaccines against some kinds of cancers now?))

3. I need to do better about actually writing posts and do less writing things in my head as I fall asleep and forgetting to type them out.

We're through the hurricane. Nothing happened here. I had a two relatives who had water come in and one had sewage back up into the tub and shower. Otherwise just a little water blown under garage doors or around known leaky doors/windows.

We didn't lose power, but a lot of people did. It's still raining a little outside. There are a few places in town that have street flooding that's impassable. On the news they've asked that folks limit how much water they flush / shower with until the water in the lines goes down. Hopefully that's lifted by the time I get up tomorrow. Honestly if that's my biggest inconvenience, I'll be very happy with my lot in life.

Resin Rose Con: Fantastic! Met so many people. Had lots of conversations. Went into the weekend at a spoons negative because we did the zoo on a very hot day after a very early plane ride and shouldn't have done that.

Came home from con to two new dolls. (Who are resisting being named.) Meeksdoll makes some pretty boys with excellent posing.

Fell over for two weeks. Had a big fight with spouse because he forgot that I have chronic fatigue from the one bout of covid I've had. It spiraled from there into other stuff and was a very stressful evening. We're doing better now. (We're both the kind of people to bottle things up and don't want to make waves. Neither one of us had the best communication modeling from our parents. It's a work in progress.)

Hawkeye had surgery to get out his enlarged spleen. It was 20% of his body weight. They also took an adrenal gland that was full of cysts and causing problems. He's doing fine now other than being itchy where they shaved his belly. BJ has been hard core cuddling with Hawkeye since Hawkeye has been off movement restrictions.

Mom's birthday. Not only was there a big meal at her house, but a spontaneous brunch a few days later and then a spontaneous lunch two days after that. I did brunch but not lunch. My mom really would like at least one big family meal a week and doesn't like acknowledging that her kids are grown and have their own lives. But in like a mostly positive way. Part of the problem with eating around my mom is that she has an anxiety disorder she refuses to acknowledge and the topics of conversation need to be very tightly controlled to "happy things" or she claims the meal is ruined by her upset stomach. It's very false positivity and I hate it lots.

Friend C had his 50th birthday party. Very small group. Very chill. Lots of meats done in various grills/ smokers. Pool brisket is now a thing in our friend group. Which is weird. Very proud of C for managing his diabetes well enough that even after a day outside in the heat indulging in food and other vices he normally doesn't his blood sugar was only 4 points over his usual the next day. He's really put forth a lot of effort since being diagnosed to control his diet and drop weight. This year has been really stressful for us all but for C especially. Losing your best friend of 35 years is rough. C's parents are also elderly and have been having a lot of problems. (C's parents whom he lives with haven't been told of the Kevin situation because they're that fragile.)

Got my office nook put back together and all the stuff up on the walls. I have one display shelf that I need to figure out what I want in it. Previous contents are still sparking joy, but weren't a good use of space. Got the sideboard cleared off and the doll's never ending hangout redone. I need to find some new doll chairs because all of the available seating is full.

Replaced the short cat tower by my desk with a slightly larger and much more sturdy one. Shorty tower is now in the living room by the window where it's seen more use in one day than it's entire previous existence. The new tower by my desk is also seeing a lot of use. Tall tower in my office is mostly used for parkor these days.

Yesterday afternoon I looked over and saw Klinger had a cloudy eye. Went to the vet ER. No physical problems or cause. Only other symptom is his blink reflex on that side is slow. We've got eyedrops for the next few days. Waiting to hear back from the regular vet about a followup appointment. Radar keeps hissing at him. I guess from the vet smell? Putting a closed door between them means I get to hear the sad songs of two saddest kittys in the world and there are paws under the door. I don't know how to fix this. Klinger won't wear his cone, but is leaving his eye alone. When we got home last night he wore the cone for long enough we let down our guard, then took a big poop in the litter box and rubbed the velcro of the cone through it. So that's his opinion on that.

I haven't slept well in several days and need to sleep well tonight because Thursday is a travel day and I won't sleep the night before. I'm going to read the reddit sleep poem out loud and take a benedryl and hope for the sleep.
---

The doctor know the sleep is important and gives us the sleep.

And I told her: it's not every day. But there are days. Days when I know. When I wake up and at noon and at six pm: I'm not gonna sleep and pain is deep and wide and the chasm of it is inside me.

And she gave me ten nights of sleeping and tonight is that is one of those. It is the first. The light behind my husband illuminates him so that he looks like a saint in the Catholic church. Words feel good in my mouth.

My pain is gone and I am to sleep.

-by reddit user endergrrl

There's nothing quite so humbling as having stomach issues overnight. Has it passed? Is it safe to sleep now? Who knows! Already been fooled once and had to climb out of bed and dash for the bathroom.

Anyway, that's how the first day of my period is going this month.

So it's hurricane season which means I need a third cat carrier to house all pets in case of evacuation. That meant I needed to weigh both cats and lure them into the bottom half of the current cat carrier to make sure they fit. (The oldest and smallest cat carrier is missing a latch and is therefore property of Hawkeye and BJ because two ferrets aren't very heavy.)

Klinger is officially 20 pounds. Radar is 9. They're 10 months old.

Luckily Smallest Sister gave me her carrier from Todd which is rated for 30 pounds. (City Whiskers brand if you also need a carrier for a big cat.) Klinger does fit into it, but if he gets any longer I'll need to get a medium size dog carrier / small travel crate for him.

This means the carrier I need to get is for Radar and that's a lot easier than getting one for a giant. She's reasonably sized.

I also measured them for harnesses. Klinger's neck is 10 inches and he's 19 inches behind the armpit. Radar's neck is 7.5 inches and she's 13.5 inches behind the armpit. Klinger will be tricky to find a harness for. (Having an extra handle on a cat while in unfamiliar places is useful. Having an extra handle and a leash if we have to do a kitty rest stop while en-route will be super useful.)