40 Quotes From "The IT Crowd" That Are Brilliantly Funny

    The amount of clever lines in this show is overnumerousness.

    Anthony Orlando
    by Anthony Orlando

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    The IT Crowd is one of the funniest and most well-written sitcoms to come out of the UK.

    the cast of the IT crowd
    Channel Four / ©Channel Four/Courtesy Everett Collection

    Pretty much every episode of this show is full of unforgettably funny quotes that make it a masterclass of writing comedy. Though this list was a challenge to narrow down, here are 40 quotes from The IT Crowd that are brilliant funny.

    WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

    40. Moss's Ringtone: "Message for me!"

    View this video on YouTube
    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    When the IT department all get profiles on Friendface (an obvious parody of Facebook), they all become completely absorbed by it as it dominates their lives. Eventually, they get their own personalized ringtones, and though Roy's ringtone was really funny, Moss's ringtone is a hilarious bit of dialogue that pretty much any fan would love to have on their phones.

    39. Douglas: "Stephanie's leaving." / Jen: "Definitely?" / Douglas: "No, Stephanie."

    Douglas sitting at his desk, talking to Jen, in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    This one is definitely brilliant.

    38. Moss: "I said, 'Do you think you'd die if you drank wee?'"

    Moss talking at the dinner table at Jen's part in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Jen wanted Moss to be normal at her dinner party, and he goes and asks one of the worst questions imaginable.

    37. Douglas: "Anyway, enough about our balls!"

    Douglas standing next to Phil with a glass in his hand in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    This is pretty much how most guys wrap up a conversation.

    36. Jen: "How can you two live like this?" / Moss: "How can you two…" / Roy: "Don't google the question, Moss!"

    Channel 4 / Via GetYarn

    Moss always takes things too literally, and they always lead to some hilariously memorable moments.

    35. Douglas: "Sing, you canary!"

    Channel 4 / Via GetYarn

    Any line uttered by Matt Berry is a beautiful melody, and he delivered an intense symphony with this one.

    34. Douglas: "Her sweet voice wakes a mighty tiger behind my fly!"

    Douglas talking to a blind "sorcerer" inside a tent in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Master of romance, right here.

    33. Roy: "What happened to you?" / Moss: "I got cockney neck. I've been speaking too much cockney, and it done my bloody neck in."

    Moss with a neck brace sitting at his laptop in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    We've all heard of getting a sore throat from shouting too much, but never from speaking too much cockney.

    32. Douglas: "Spacestar Ordering is based on the twin scientific principles of star-maths and wishy-thinking."

    Douglas with a thought bubble of himself on a horse with scientific equations in the background in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Spaceology, ladies and gentlemen.

    31. Moss: "Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame, set at gas mark 'egg on your face.'"

    Moss pointing at Roy while sitting on the couch in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Tenor

    I think Moss just ate his words right there on the spot.

    30. Moss: "Look, I know that normally this would be very funny, but he's been under there too long for a reasonable explanation! If that woman looks down, she's going to assume he's a desk rabbit!" / Jen: "What's a desk rabbit?" / Moss: "I just made that up! But that's probably what they're gonna start to call people like Roy. But Roy's not a desk rabbit; he's my best friend, and unless you do something, it's just going to be you, me, and Tim Burton over there!"

    Moss pointing at Jen with Richmond standing in the background, staring at Moss, in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4

    In this episode, Roy gets trapped underneath a female co-worker's desk, and Jen lets their goth officemate, Richmond, roam free. When Moss finds out everything, he hysterically sums up their predicament by coining the term desk rabbit and taking a clever jab at his ghoulish coworker.

    29. Douglas: "I don't think I've ever looked in this drawer." (opens it) "Wow, a gun!"

    Douglas holding a gun at his desk in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    This is absolutely the worst thing Douglas could find in his desk drawer.

    28. Jen: "OK. Moss, what did you have for breakfast this morning?" / Moss: "Smartie cereal." / Jen: "Oh my god, I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal." / Moss: "They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk."

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    Channel 4

    That's pretty much what 50% of the world's cereal is. Just candy in milk.

    27. Jen: "The story of a young man trying to find his sexuality…Warning. Includes scenes of graphic homoeroticism." / Moss: "Augh, no! It's set in the '80s!"

    Moss looking disgusted at a theatre in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Apparently, '80s nostalgia didn't kick in yet.

    26. Moss: "I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place. I'm in my happy place."

    Moss sitting in front of a pantsless Douglas in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Don't worry, it's not what you think. It's just a man seeing his boss testing his electric sex pants in front of him.

    25. Jen: "Mr. Reynholm, I don't need to remind you of the report that denounced Reynholm Industries as an institutionally sexist organization." / Douglas: "Now, hold on a minute, sugar-tits!"

    Douglas pointing at Jen at his desk in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Well, that argument fell apart fast.

    24. Moss: "How dare you call my sexy wife a bitch?!"

    Channel 4 / Via GetYarn

    Moss really disappears into his character when playing Jen's husband. It's a good thing their kids Zenith and Quasar didn't see him slap Roy.

    23. Douglas: "But I'm not aroused — it's only cars! God damn these electric sex pants!"

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    Isn't "electric sex pants" the name of a band?

    22. Moss: "You'd best put seat belts on your ears, Roy, 'cause I'm about to take them for the ride of their lives!"

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    Moss always has a way with words.

    21. Moss: "Excuse me, I am trying to concentrate over here! And will you watch your ruddy language?! My ears are not a toilet!"

    Moss talking to two bank robbers with Roy and a table full of money next to him in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    It's moments like these that make you think that Moss must've been the perfect student in school.

    20. Jen: "Just say you're sorry and move on." / Roy: "I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."

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    Channel 4 / Via youtube.com

    It's hard to sum up just how brilliant the writing in this show really is, but this line effectively displays The IT Crowd's humor at its best. We've all had trouble figuring out what to say at funerals, but we've never crashed and burned quite like Roy.

    19. Jen: "With all due respect, John, I am the head of IT, and I have it on good authority that if you type 'Google' into Google, you can break the internet. So please, no one try it, even for a joke."

    Jen talking to the board members at Reynholm Industries in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Tenor

    At least she's trying to protect the internet.

    18. Prime: "First rule of Street Countdown is that you really must try and tell as many people as possible about it. It's a rather fun game, and the more people we tell about it, the better."

    Moss, Prime, and Negative One in front of a crowd of people gathered for Street Countdown in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    I honestly prefer this over Fight Club.

    17. Negative One: "Well, what do you say? Or is you worried you is going to show yourself up in front of your girlfriend?" / Prime: "He's calling Roy your girlfriend. Within the walls of Eight Plus, that's a definite diss."

    Moss talking to Prime with Negative One in the background in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    You may be surprised to hear that the guy who plays Prime is now Wong in the Marvel Cinematic Universe — though it's still a shame we didn't get more of his mysteriously magnificent character on the show.

    16. Roy: "Is this another one of your inventions?" / Moss: "Maybe." / Roy: "What was the last one? Oh yeah. A ladder…to help moths…escape from the bath. How is that useful?" / Moss: "How is that not useful?"

    Roy sitting on a couch talking to Moss in their office in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Another genius unappreciated in his time.

    15. Douglas: "You there, computer man. Fix my pants!" / Moss: "Beg your pardon?" / Douglas: "Pull down my trousers and do your job!"

    Channel 4 / Via Tenor

    You should see how Moss stares at Douglas in this scene. His expression alone is enough to make you laugh uncontrollably. 

    14. Roy: "And he thinks that I am a window cleaner! A window cleaner!" / Jen: "What's wrong with that? It's a noble profession." / Roy: "If your last profession was cleaning balls!"

    Roy talking to Jen at his desk in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Low blow, Roy.

    13. Roy: "A fire?! At a Sea Parks?!"

    Roy wearing his new jacket talking to Moss and Jen in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    When Roy learns how his girlfriend's parents died, he can't wrap his head around how they could've died in a fire at Sea Parks. He ends up going down a rabbit hole of obsession in the style of Close Encounters, complete with him making a Sea Parks out of mashed potatoes. All in all, this is one of those questions that truly boggles the mind, but the way Roy utters this line is enough to make us all content.

    12. Roy: "No, Jen, I'm sorry. But the Elders of the Internet would never stand for it."

    Roy holding a black box, talking to Jen with Moss next to him in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Of course, they wouldn't because they don't exist. When Jen is preparing for a speech to her company's shareholders, Roy and Moss decide to trick her into presenting a black box they claim contains the internet. Both men create a vast and intricate mythos surrounding the box, and it is just too brilliant.

    11. Douglas: "There's somebody at the door. There's somebody at the door. There's somebody at the door."

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    I guarantee that you'll do this dance the next time your doorbell rings.

    10. Mose: "What kind of operating system does it use?" / Police Officer: "It's…err...Vista." / Moss: "We're going to die!"

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    Shots fired.

    9. Moss: "I don't want to do it! I feel trapped like a moth in a bath!"

    Moss standing in a suit and tie with his back turned to Roy and Jen in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    Moss needs more than a ladder to get out of this dilemma

    8. Ad Narrator: "You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. You wouldn't steal a baby. You wouldn't shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again! Downloading films is stealing. If you do it, you will face the consequences."

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    This one will be a throwback for a lot of you. You probably remember those intense anti-piracy ads on DVDs, but they weren't as crazy as the one that Roy and Moss watch here. Nevertheless, the ad is effective in getting its message across.

    7. Moss: "I got a gun! I got a ruddy gun! I got a ruddy gun! I got a flipping gun! I got a mother flipping gun! I got a mother flipping gun!"

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    Channel 4 / Via youtube.com

    Well, that escalated quickly.

    6. Douglas: "FATHER!"

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    What a way to introduce a character. After Denholm Reynholm commits suicide, the IT department attends their boss's funeral with the rest of the company. There, we are introduced to Denholm's son, Douglas, who bursts into the church in this iconic scene. Played by the incomparable Matt Berry, Douglas's intro into the series is executed to comedic perfection, immediately making him adored by fans and convincing them that he is the man fit to replace Denholm as the head of Reynholm Industries.

    5. Moss: "I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I've just finished my milk."

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    When Moss becomes a member of an exclusive club for game show winners, one of them challenges him to a game of Street Countdown, which is the same as regular Countdown except it's played in the street. When Moss accepts, he utters this hilariously killer line that taught us that you should never challenge him to Street Countdown.

    4. Roy: "I'm disabled."

    Roy talking in a wheelchair with theatre employees surrounding him in "The IT Crowd"
    Channel 4 / Via Netflix

    When Roy decides to use a theatre's handicap restroom, he accidentally pulls the emergency alarm thinking it flushes the toilet. When the employees burst in to help him, he pretends to have a disability, repeatedly saying this indelible line. What Roy is doing is definitely wrong, but the way he says this line with a high-pitched voice makes it all too hilarious.

    3. Jen: "They've turned me into one of them. I am one of them. That's why you need me. I am your conduit. I am your bridge. Ich bin ein nerd!"

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    After Jen admits that she doesn't know what "IT" means during a job interview, she goes on a rant about how much Roy and Moss have absorbed her in nerd culture. She then admits that she has become a nerd, too, but her argument quickly shifts to her explaining why she is needed for this new job, uttering this hysterical spin on JFK's famous speech in Berlin.

    2. Moss: "I'll just put this over here with the rest…of the fire."

    Channel 4 / Via Giphy

    This is pretty much how a guy in college solves his problems.

    1. Roy: "Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

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    Channel 4 / Via YouTube

    This line is one we've all probably heard at least once in our lives. In Roy's first-ever scene, we see him answer a call and give probably the most universal answer to a computer problem. It has since become a catchphrase for Roy, embodying how tired he is of having to fix everyone's computer problems, eventually becoming the most recognizable line from the entire show.

    Do you agree with this list? Were there any other brilliantly funny quotes that I missed? Please let me know in the comments section below.