Papa Roach's Jacoby Shaddix Hit 'Rock Bottom.' Now He Wants His Music to Save Lives: 'Hold On' (Exclusive)

Papa Roach rocker Jacoby Shaddix has an important task at hand when he joins a Zoom call with PEOPLE in mid-September: In about an hour, he has to head to son Brixton’s school with cupcakes in tow. It’s Brixton’s 11th birthday, and it’s important that the fifth-grader shares some treats with the rest of the class.

“It’s like the last kind of times before he starts growing up,” Shaddix says. “So I’m going to take advantage of these last years where it’s cool to have Dad around for cupcake day.”

Embracing cupcake day is a far cry from the Shaddix of yore — the hard-rocking Papa Roach frontman who, before 2011, battled substance abuse and, in one particularly low moment, suicidal ideation. But it’s also a powerful reminder that things can change.

“There’s hope in the darkness,” he says. “No matter how tough life gets, whatever slings and arrows life is throwing at you, you can get through it. You’ve just got to dig deep.”

Shaddix, 48, and his bandmates have embraced that mentality through their music for years and, in August, put out a new version of their song “Leave a Light On (Take Away the Dark)” with Carrie Underwood.

The single, which has over 13 million listens across streaming platforms and YouTube, benefits the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), with all royalties going to the organization. It also aims to raise awareness for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. and Canada.

“I remember we wrote this one in 2021, and we immediately got chills,” says Papa Roach guitarist Jerry Horton. “Jacoby took the lyrics to another level. We deliberately kept a sparse production to highlight that and Jacoby’s vocal performance. All this time later, we all see how much our mission is impacting people every day. We are now able to give back and help bring mental health and suicide prevention out of the shadows.”

Adds drummer Tony Palermo, “To me it speaks to the importance of life. When I meet people and they emotionally explain how our music has literally saved their lives, it has an immediate impact. The organic growth of ‘Leave a Light On’ is immensely gratifying and is further proof people need something to relieve them from their darkness. Partnering up with AFSP has really taken this message to levels we didn’t even expect.”

Says bassist Tobin Esperance: “As an artist, I love being able to connect with people through our music, and if we are able to help bring some light and love to someone in a dark place, that makes our job that much more meaningful."

The song was originally featured on the band’s 2022 album Ego Trip. While Shaddix says he always envisioned having a guest vocalist on the song, the pieces only fell into place when he learned Underwood was a fan of the band.

“I invited her out to a show of ours. She and her husband came out to see us in Nashville, and then me and my wife went out to Vegas and checked her show out. I just was blown away,” he says. “My wheels started spinning, and I’m like, ‘Dude, we should just reach out to her and see if she’s up for it.’”

She was, and Shaddix says bringing the country star onboard opened up the message to a whole new fan base.

“This music is meant to be hopeful, and I hope that’s what the fans are getting from it,” he says. “I’ve taken my pain and turned it into purpose.”

Getting to a place where he could use his own experiences to help others reach similarly positive mindsets was a long time coming for Shaddix, who says he had a difficult childhood in which he faced “gnarly traumas” and a complicated relationship with his father. He formed Papa Roach in 1993, and the band ultimately broke through in 2000 with Infest, which featured the No. 1 rock hit “Last Resort” — a song about suicide.

“I was always just like, ‘F--- no, I’m not doing therapy.’ I never accepted that help,” he says of his teenage years. “I unfortunately had to go learn the hard way and soon found out how to numb my pain. I wasn’t willing to face my problems until my early to mid-20s.”

By 2011, Shaddix hit "rock bottom" amid a battle with substance abuse, he says: "I was living out my worst nightmare." But he realized he was living not just for himself, but for his family, including wife Kelly, whom he married in 1997, and sons Makaile, 22, Jagger, 20, and Brixton.

Shaddix took the steps to reclaim his life, and in February, he celebrated 12 years of sobriety.

“Once I learned how to get out of my way and continue to extinguish my stinking thinking, it affords me a life where I can be a father, be a friend, be a frontman for a band, be a husband, be somebody that I can look at in the mirror and go, ‘Alright, cool, we got this. We can do this,’” he says. “I got my good days and my bad days, and that’s just like everybody else. But I know that I got so much worth fighting for and so many good things to be grateful for.”

The musician says that even during his dark days, songwriting provided a positive outlet, and he was often moved by fans who’d approach him to say his music saved their life by offering “hope and strength” when it seemed there was none.

“I had people around me that picked me up and lifted me up in my time of need, and I accepted that care and that love and that help,” he says. “I’ve been able to pay that forward to other men in my life. It’s an important message and an important story. The mental struggle can wreak havoc on you. [‘Leave a Light On’] is real in so many ways.”

These days, Shaddix is focused on the positives. He demonstrates that optimism with regular Instagram posts in which he lists things he’s grateful for that day. The lists can range from big-picture items, like the clarity sobriety has brought him, to smaller things that come with living in the moment, like really good guacamole. He likens the lists, which he’s posted intermittently for 11 years now, to “medicine.”

“There’s a reason to hold on, there’s a reason for hope, and there’s a reason to get back on the wagon. There’s a reason to fight for yourself,” he says. “My life is, for all intents and purposes, it’s great. I’ve got a wife that loves and respects me. I’ve got kids that love and respect me. My parents love and respect me. We have a fan base with Papa Roach that are so good to us, and there’s a real and raw connection that brings hope. To me it’s like, ‘Gosh, that’s good s---.’”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.