Jacques Pépin Admits He Is 'Totally Lost' 4 Years After His Wife's Death: 'She Took Care of Things'

Nearly four years after Jacques Pépin’s wife died, the esteemed chef is still finding his way through being a widower.

The cookbook author chatted with Rachael Ray on the third episode of her new podcast, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead, which was released on Tuesday, Nov. 5. Pépin, 88, spoke about feeling "lost" since his wife Gloria died in 2020 at age 83.

“She took care of things that I didn't take care of,” Pépin told Ray, 56, of his wife of 54 years. “And I tell you, I actually cannot sign a check or know what we have in the, you know, in the bank or stuff like this or what those bills are for.”

“I'm totally lost. She took care of that. I never took care of that," he added.

Pépin told PEOPLE in 2022 that he really feels Gloria's absence in the evenings. "Dinner is often with friends — and sometimes by myself. That's the biggest change since my wife passed. For 54 years we always had a bottle of wine and dinner together,” he said.

Gloria died on Dec. 5, 2020 with family and friends around her, according to a statement shared on the chef's Facebook page at the time. A cause of death was not specified.

With Gloria by his side, Pépin said he was able to achieve his career goals. “She made it possible for me to do what I did and always supported me whether I was writing a book or whether I was doing classes or whether I was doing a cruise,” he told Ray. “She was always with me.”

“I wouldn't be who I am without Gloria. I mean, she changed my life,” he said.

Ray told Pépin that he and Gloria “brought something to each other” in the same way that her husband, John Cusimano, does for her.

"We balance each other in a weird way. We allow each other to be open to different worlds," she said.

Ray also agreed with Pépin's view on their partnership — saying that her marriage to Cusimano has been “essential” to her success over the years.

Pépin met Gloria in the Catskills in the mid-'60s, where he took breaks from developing recipes for Howard Johnson’s and worked as a ski instructor on the weekends. Despite already being a talented skier, Gloria found him attractive and signed up for a private lesson.

"He was so cute, I thought he was probably gay," Gloria is recalled saying in the family's statement after her death. They wed in 1966 and welcomed daughter Claudine shortly after.