1. |
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Jordan wanted to sign with Adidas for shoes
But Nike gave him an offer that he could not refuse
It wasn’t a pizza that poisoned him in Utah
With the hotel bill to prove
Three thousand dollars on just five dudes
I bought fake Jordans
They weren’t even shoes
Oh he looked so sick
It was all over the news
But it wasn’t the pizza and it wasn’t
The flu
Yeah i love drinking too
I love drinking too
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2. |
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It’s plain to me to see
You have bought yourself a boat
Since the last time you and me spoke
Your laundry looks so pretty
Soft threads hanging and relaxing in the wind
You’ll feel so much better
When you wear these clothes again
The waves ruin the beach house
Every year on your birthday
They gave this hurricane your human name
How many more bug bites
And other subtle misfortunes can I withstand tonight?
Someone snuck their mothballs in my headlights
The neighbors are cussing
And throwing shit in the yard
While echoes of the minor leagues
Tumble down the road
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3. |
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It’s hard to see you fall like that
Though I know how much of it’s an act
In this tables, ladders, and chairs match
Where all things go
Like your shoulders, your hips, and knees
They all hurt you
They will work you
Just need to take some of these
And all things go
That’s why you do what you gotta do
Just to get through
And I know life will make you crazy
I do
Now it’s not the same as when we were boys
The playful way we would destroy
Half naked taking steroids
And watch us go
I always believed you every time you said
You were gonna be like our heroes someday
Well, baby
All our heroes now are dead
Cause all things go
That’s why we do what we gotta do
Just to get through
And I know life will make us crazy
I do
And i know why we get fucked up
I know why we get so fucked up
I know why we get so fucked up
I do
It’s hard to see you fall so flat
From so high up hard down on the matt
In this battle royale cage match
Where all things go
|
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4. |
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Toontown frown
I’m your beat down rodeo clown
With his pants pulled down
Faded face paint smile
Leave the end on simmer for a while
Did you find my Disney World?
Did it make you dizzy, girl?
When it fell apart,
Did it break your heart?
Now I’m crying in the bathroom
Of our dying world in a vacuum
Still trying to be funny
You can see right through me
Honey
Toontown frown
Just some watered down romeo clown
With his pants pulled down
Did you find my Disney World?
Did it make you dizzy, girl?
When it fell apart,
Did it break your heart?
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5. |
SUV
01:57
|
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I still have the key
To your boyfriend’s SUV
I keep it by my bed
Like a picture of you and me
You caught me in my bathrobe
You caught me on my knees
You caught me on my weekend
Catching up on my TV
My TV
|
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6. |
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I had it under control
I had it under control
And then it snow balled
And rolled and rolled and rolled
And I don’t have control anymore
Can’t say I didn’t know
But sometimes you get so alone
I’d always seen the corner
And still I stubbed my toe
Can’t say I didn’t know
Don’t remind me
Don’t remind me
What I already know
Don’t remind me
Don’t remind me
I know
I got my wheels in a ditch
There’s a word for this
For what used to scratch the itch
And then some day it quit
Ain’t that a bitch
|
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7. |
Dan Marino
02:15
|
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My daddy saw Dan Marino
At a Harris Teeter
In South Carolina
By the shore
He hustled his balls
And looked at a cereal box
He did not see his face
Brady’s has replaced
Tom Brady’s has replaced
But I think big Dan will be alright
For he’s a hall of famer
The next day we saw dolphins
From a friend of ours boat
From a friend of ours boat
We saw dolphins
From our friends boat
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8. |
You Are Every Girl To Me
03:50
|
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Pretty little puddle
In Miami blue
Huge water slide
Into a drained out
Community swimming pool
Seed fell out of the feeder
And the birds are eating on the ground
Jackass is funny
Like the Earth is round
Rogan’s home for the holidays
The conversations are good
And the dinners are great
If only for being homemade
I bought you a shirt
From the local merch at the airport
Gave it to you and screamed
“You are every girl to me”
|
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9. |
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You know I’m no hardass
You know I couldn’t be less
But what did I tell you
About wearing that dumb hat?
You know the one I’m talking about
On the sidewalk
By the butcher shop
Where we bought our expensive meat
That we had planned to eat
On the sidewalk by the butcher shop
You screamed and I tripped
You screamed and I tripped
Mmmmm honey
It tastes just like it costs
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10. |
Six Flags
06:36
|
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Dripping wet
From the log ride
Insecure from the car ride
Destroyed by your love
On a string
On the spinning swings
Where no one could notice
No one could notice
I have never
Felt alone
The way I did
At the Six Flags over Texas
I’m not counting
I’m not counting
No one’s counting
Your mistakes
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