I became a single dad through adoption after cancer left me infertile

My eight-year-old son, Luke*, and I love our ‘lads day’ tradition.

Every few weeks, we head off on our bikes, ride to a local park then stop for a picnic.

Same route, same stop – just like the very first time we did it as a family-of-two, back in 2020 when I adopted him.

It’s our thing. It’s special, and we have a blast every time.

I always knew I wanted to be a dad. I had girlfriends over the years, but it never worked out. I was never close to having a family – still, it never left my mind.

Then – after being diagnosed with testicular cancer at 23 – I learned of my infertility. 

I had chest pains after playing cricket and football, which didn’t ease off so I couldn’t sleep or lie down. 

My GP suggested it could be bruised ribs and to take some painkillers. I decided to head into work but, on the way, I was crippled by chest pain, so took a detour to A&E. 

Within two hours, I was told I had cancer – the pain was tumours in my lungs hitting my ribs. I needed to have an operation the following week before starting chemo. 

It was a primary source testicular cancer and I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have children naturally due to the operation I’d need. 

It was a bit of a blow at the time, but in context wasn’t the worst news I was given that day.

The chemo wasn’t nice – it was really tough and I had to move back in with my mum. Thankfully, the treatment did its job within three months.

I had regular check ups over a five-year period, and now I’m cancer free.

Sadly, after my diagnosis, in my mid-thirties, my dad died suddenly. My grandparents passed away and a long-term relationship also ended, which really put things in perspective.

Something was missing. I knew I wanted to be a dad, no matter what – biology, or being single, didn’t matter.

So I decided not to wait any longer and start my adoption journey, aged 35. 

I’d heard great things about adoption from a workmate and, despite some initial reservations around adopting solo – like not knowing anyone else who’d done it – I felt confident and knew I could. My friends and family quickly rallied behind me.

I went through an adoption agency and attended group sessions, which included information sharing, parenting classes, and useful adoption insights. Throughout, I stayed open and honest about the highs and lows of my life, and what made me want to become a dad. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, though. I was the only single guy in a room full of couples and the occasional single woman.

I got plenty of raised eyebrows and comments from other people, saying things like ‘where is your partner?’ and ‘are you here alone?’ It was clear that people were often taken aback and in disbelief that I’d be doing it as a solo male.

To be honest, it seemed very much linked to societal narratives around women being motherly, and men not so much. It happened every time I’d come in contact with new people on my journey (not social workers or professionals though). 

I didn’t give a second thought to the comments. I hated to think that someone who felt like me wouldn’t consider adopting because it wasn’t deemed ‘normal’ or that they didn’t fit the mould.

At the end of the day, I was just a guy who wanted to be a dad. 

The early days of the journey saw me spending a lot of time with social workers trying to understand my journey, and spend time with my family and friends.

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You go through various courses over a few months with a cohort of potential parents before you go to a panel for a review. The outcome is that they make a decision if you can adopt, and you get it right away.

Luke’s social worker was on my approval panel and, after my session, she approached my social worker to say that she wanted me to adopt him.

I spent some time looking at other children’s profiles, but I was always drawn back to Luke’s. 

The things that stuck out were his personality, his big blue eyes, his age and background. I knew I wanted to adopt a slightly older child and four felt like the perfect age.

About six weeks later, I finally met him. 

My first impression was that he was just an innocent kid. He was playful, caring and keen to engage. We walked around the woods – with a social worker in tow – climbing trees, kicking a football and chatting. 

I loved being around him. It felt natural. All the worries I had about solo parenting melted away. 

The second time we met was similar, however we got some alone time, which allowed us to kick a ball about and chat about simple things – like what he liked doing or what he found funny. 

I realised he was a cool kid who hadn’t had a break in life, which had been chaotic and unstable for him. I could give him just that.

Finally, in August 2020, I picked him up and drove back to our house – his new forever home. 

The first morning, I opened my eyes and he was standing at the end of my bed, and I chuckled to myself.

At the beginning, he’d ask to hold my hand when he was going to sleep, and was clearly anxious, but we just played and spent all day together. It was lockdown, so the world was all a bit weird at this point, however I think it was a blessing in disguise as we were able to form a really strong attachment.

I had six months off work for adoption leave, and after about four months he started being introduced into school. We phased it so that he’d be going in full-time at the point I returned to work.

Any change in routine or new environments would naturally throw him, so initial meetings with family and friends were planned out. I shared pictures with him, spoke about who they were, and helped him get some familiarity.

Then, we’d always meet in a mutual venue like a park where he could do his own thing and any interaction would be on his terms.

My network is pivotal in my life, so having them involved in my son’s life was hugely important. Thankfully, Luke is now well and truly a core part of my family, and he (and everyone else) loves it.

Although adjusting to life together wasn’t always smooth sailing. A key challenge was getting to understand him – learning what caused him stress, or anxiety, and how best to help him through it.

I also quickly identified that I needed to look after myself too. I was managing situations and fire fighting daily, so I needed to look out for myself.

But there were loads of wins, too. In fact, just a few months in, he asked if he could call me ‘daddy Liam’, then later, ‘Dad’.

This made me emotional: Luke was accepting me. Now, we’re thick as thieves.

I’m so proud of him. I could sing his praises all day long – he has the kindest heart.

He was a bit behind at school when he came to live with me as he hadn’t consistently gone to nursery before, but he’s now thriving and very much part of his school community. He’s a popular and fun member of his class, which is an incredible feeling.

He loves adventures, sports and music – just like me. I think I’ll have to get him his own drum kit soon (sorry, neighbours!).

We always talk openly about his life before I came along. Mainly it’s focused on questions about his birth family, and sometimes he tries to piece the puzzle together.

He doesn’t remember loads, but has snippets. He has a life story book with pictures that he sometimes gets out for us to talk through. I’ll always talk openly about it. 

I recognise how important it is that he understands where he came from, but it just doesn’t feel like he’s ever not been my son.

It’s the little things, like when Luke scored his first goal in football; he ran up to me and told me his grandad – my late dad, who he sadly never met but has seen pictures of – was cheering him on from above. My heartstrings were well and truly pulled. 

Fatherhood has taken me to places I never imagined. I know it’s daunting to take that first step, particularly if you’re facing it solo – but adoption has been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

There are so many misconceptions about doing it as a single dad, but that’s exactly what it is: a misconception.

I try to support other dads considering or going through the process to reassure them that they can do it, too. I support Adopt Thames Valley where I host and support different sessions for prospective adopters. I give insight and share my story. 

I’m also in contact with solo men who are considering adopting to provide counsel and give any guidance or support. I find a lot of the information available is quite professional, so I’m keen to break things down and have a general relaxed chat.

Luke, now eight, gets how diverse families are these days and his schoolmates all have different family set-ups, so he’s very content with our family just how it is. 

My son’s turned my world upside down in the best way and it’s been the journey of a lifetime. 

Life before him was fine, but life with him is amazing.

*Name has been changed.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

Share your views in the comments below.

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